I was talking to my dad today and he brought up something that had crossed my mind once or twice. Chase Utley, who dropped an F-bomb at the Phillies’ championship celebration on Friday, has yet to apologize.

Unlike the first time Utley used the f-word on national TV this year, this time he meant to say it. So maybe it’s not surprising that he hasn’t said “I’m sorry.”

But it is surprising that the Phillies didn’t make him apologize. These days it’s not about right or wrong, it’s about minimizing public relations damage, and the Phillies didn’t do anything to appease people who were upset about Utley’s language.

Hey, I’m not saying he should apologize. What’s done is done. And, frankly, it was hilarious. I’m just surprised that polical correctness didn’t win out, for once.

Chase Utley is many things. He’s hardworking, talented, professional, philanthropic, and kinda handsome, if you’re into the Pat Riley hairdo.

But above all else, he’s boring. I have a friend who used to work for the World Wide Leader who told me once that Utley was the worst interview she’s ever done.

Here’s how Jimmy Rollins explains Utley’s conversational style:

“[H]e talks and says what he has to say. But it’s all done in Chase-way. And we all understand it.”

Utley just isn’t much of a talker. And that’s what’s made this afternoon’s World Series Championship parade so surprising.

For the second time this year, Utley dropped the F-bomb.

From Philly.com:

“World champions. World (f-bomb) champions.”

Chase Utley is the quiet man no more.

And the crowd is stunned for about a millisecond, and then gives him the biggest cheer of all.

F-ing awesome.

Hat tip to The 700 Level.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t be in Philly last night for the big game. Couldn’t pound a Yuengling in the parking lot and then smash the bottle on the ground. Couldn’t help tip over a car. And I wasn’t the only one. Lots of Philly fans are spread out all over the world.

My friend Alicia, who is working for the Clinton Foundation in Cambodia this year, sent me this email this morning:

I found myself drinking the blood of snakes this afternoon, in honor
of the glory of the Phils.

I sat at a table on the Mekong River in Neak Loeung Operational
District, Prey Veng Province, alongside local and national health
administrators who don’t know ‘first base’ from ’short-stop’ from
‘home plate’, and announced our Great City’s Great Triumph.  Shortly
after the meal began, I excitedly proclaimed that “Today is a special
day for my people,” — this is how people talk here — and explained
that the World Series may not actually measure baseball greatness in
all the world, but its importance is of cosmic proportions to
Americans.  Well, it doesn’t take much to animate a Cambodian.  And I
guess wee needed SUMTHIN to cheer … the Phillies would have to do.
And ‘do’ they did.

We drank … and drank.  Round after round.  Fresh snake blood mixed
with a splash of Johnny Walker Black Label whiskey.  I got drunk on
the stuff, and on the hilarity of the scene.  Explaining baseball to
non-English speakers in broken Khmer and through a translator is a
lost cause: “Great American Past-time” doesn’t translate.

The head of the national HIV/AIDS program repeatedly
raised his glass to honor ‘my people’, I was thinking, “I’ll remember
this forever.”

Here’s to the Phils!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s to our people, wherever they may be!

Booo Rays!

Booo other teams!

Booo fans of other teams!

Booo states that are home to other teams!

Wait, does that mean boo Pennsylvania, because it’s also home to the Pirates?

Yes, boo Pennsylvania!

But only the western half!

Booo Raymond, the inferior mascot!

As a matter of fact, booo all mascots who aren’t the Phanatic!

Booo all beer that isn’t Yuengling!

Booo J.D. Drew!

Booo any girl who’s ever said ‘no’ to Pat Burrell!

Just kidding, that’s never happened!

Booo rain!

Booo championship droughts!

Booo vomiting in the huddle!

Boo stale cheesesteaks!

Booo 25 years of self-loathing and self-pity!

Yay Phillies!

Quickly, before the playoffs start something like 10 hours, I thought I’d open up the floor for the regular season’s biggest surprises. To get the ball rolling, here are mine, in no particular order:

The (comparative) total suckage of the Cleveland Indians. Last year, they were one ALCS win away from heading to the World Series. Their manager was thought, in some quarters, to be a guru of the beard-wearing, mountaintop-cave-dwelling variety. This year, they finished 81-81, the very definition of mediocre. No one saw this coming. No one.

The sure hands of Ryan Braun. No, left field isn’t exactly shortstop, but even so: in 149 games, he made not a single error (hat tip to Brew Crew Ball). That’s after making 26 at third base last year in 112 games. His range factor and zone rating were both in the top five of qualified MLB left fielders, well ahead of, for instance, Jason Bay, who is touted for his defensive ability. After snubbing Braun with my ROY pick last year largely for his crappy defense, I was surprised but pleased to see the apparent turnaround. Dreamy Eyes, I salute you.

The worst-to-first season of the Tampa Bay Rays. I know, this one’s a gimme. It’s pretty obvious. But unlike most of the commentariat, I think we here at UmpBump actually weren’t that surprised by the Rays’ solid performance this year. (Unlike, say, this breathless cover at SI.) Even so, I don’t think any of us actually expected them to win the notoriously tough AL East this year.

The total badassery of Cliff Lee. Another obvious pick. Show me one writer who picked him to be the best pitcher in the AL this year. Show. Me. One.

The signing of Kenji Johjima. Even at the time, I had absolutely no idea why the Mariners made this deal. A 3-year extension for the subpar Johjima when their best prospect was also a catcher? No wonder the baseball world was blindsided. Now that he ended up OPSing just over .600 this year, the deal looks like the worst of 2008–and the hot-stove season hasn’t yet begun.

That’s all I got for now. (More coffee is clearly required.) What surprised y’all about this season? No surprise too big or too small!

When the All-Star ballots were announced earlier this week, the emails started flying here at UmpBump HQ. We felt compelled to offer up our own ballots (admittedly, with the benefit of casting them now, and not months ago when the balloting actually began), which we now present, interspersed with refreshing dashes of acid-tongued banter, for your scathing refutation insightful commentary:

Sarah’s All-Star Ballot

American League

C Joe Mauer

1B Youk (note: I actually voted for Youk last year too. Couldn’t vote for Papi as a 1B; didn’t seem right.)

2B Kinsler

3B A-Poop

SS Derek, grudgingly

DH Ortiz (yes, even injured)

OF Manny (sentimental choice)

OF Grady Sizemore

OF JD Drew (Was very tempted to go with Josh Hamilton here….but I flipped a coin and Drew won. Plus, Hamilton’s heart-warming story has just become too much for me. Now every time I hear about it, I want to vomit.)

SP Roy Halladay

National League

C Geovany Soto (at first, felt obligated to go with Brian McCann, since I don’t really like voting rookies into the All-Star game, but then I remembered that I don’t like the Braves….and Soto and McCann have basically had the same year so far.)

1B Lance Berkman

2B Chase Utley

3B Chipper Jones

SS Hanley Ramirez

OF Ryan Braun

OF Griffey Jr

OF Matt Holliday

SP Brandon Webb

Final note: Why is there no NL DH? I mean, they’re playing in Yankee Stadium…they aren’t going to make the pitcher bat, are they? If there were an extra roster spot for a hitter, I would go with Pat the Bat here.

Nick: Griffey??? For serious?

Sarah: I’m big on future Hall of Famers going to the ASG. And he hit no. 600 this year. And, once again Nick, i must ask that instead of simply sending incredulous snarkages back in my direction, you actually put together your own ballot. That was actually the point of the exercise.

Nick: Okay, here are my picks. Clearly they are all 100% correct.

Nick’s All-Star Ballot

American League

C Joe Mauer

1B Jason Giambi

2B Ian Kinsler

3B Alex Rodriguez

SS Michael Young

OF Jermaine Dye

OF Grady Sizemore

OF Josh Hamilton

DH Milton Bradley

SP Cliff Lee

National League

C Geovany Soto

1B Lance Berkman

2B Chase Utley

3B Chipper Jones

SS Hanley Ramirez

OF Pat Burrell

OF Jason Bay

OF Adam Dunn

SP Edinson Volquez

Nick: Sarah, are you saying future Hall of Famers should go to the All-Star Game every year, no matter what? Even when they only have the 46th best OPS among qualified outfielders?

Sarah: I’m just saying, doesn’t feel like the All-Star Game without Griffey. Also, I feel the voting would be very different if it were all online. When you’re just sitting in your little seat at the ballpark poking those little punch cards, are you really going to be comparing OPS and clicking through ESPN.com’s sortable stats? No, no you are not. You are going to see “K. Griffey Jr.” there on the ballot with a little perforated circle next to it. And you are going to poke that little circle.

Paul: My ballot:

Paul’s All-Star Ballot

American League

C: Joe Mauer (and if any of you disagree, I’m leaving UmpBump)

1B: Justin Morneau (can’t argue with Youk or Giambi either. i just don’t like either of them.)

2B: Ian Kinsler

SS: Empty Space

3B: A-Rod (although it’d be a lot of fun to see Longoria there)

LF: Josh Hamilton

CF: Grady Sizemore

RF: JD Drew

DH: Milton Bradley

SP: Roy Halladay (not the popular choice, I know. but dude’s been filthy)

National League

C: Geovany Soto

1B: Lance Berkman

2B: Chase Utley

SS: Hanley Ramirez

3B: Chipper Jones (i just died a little inside)

LF: Jason Bay

CF: Nate McLouth

RF: Matt Holliday (wow, what an awful defensive outfield!)

DH: Pat Burrell (now i need a drink)

SP: Volquez/Lincecum (don’t make me choose)

Sarah: No you have to choose! That’s the whole point! Come on, eenie meenie minie moe that puppy.

Paul: in that case, excuse me while i go crunch some digits….and i think i unknowingly made that sound a little dirty. How did i do that? That should be the new euphemism among statheads. “Dude, that girl is so freaking hot. Makes me want to crunch my digits.”

Sarah: Neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrd!

Paul: Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanddddddddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!! (anyone? anyone? yes? no?)

Sarah: [confused silence] [chirping of crickets] [tumbleweed rolls slowly by]

Paul: It’s from Family Guy. And I’m going with Lincecum.

Sarah: And are you still leaving AL SS blank?? I’m torn. Half of me thinks that’s really hilarious. The other half is now bitter because i sucked it up and voted for Jeter.

Paul: I would honestly rather have Empty Space. He’s a ragamuffin from the great state of North Dakota. Kid’s got more talent than brains.

Sarah: He’s got that blue collar makeup though.

Alejandro: Okay, time for my picks.

Alejandro’s All-Star Ballot

American League

C Joe Mauer

1B Kevin Youkilis

2B Ian Kinsler

SS Michael Young

3B Evan Longoria

OF David DeJesus

OF Josh Hamilton

OF Johnny Damon

DH Alex Rodriguez

SP Cliff Lee

National League

C Geovany Soto

1B Connor Jackson

2B Chase Utley

SS Jose Reyes

3B Chipper Jones

OF Carlos Lee

OF Aaron Rowand

OF Carlos Beltran

SP Edinson Volquez

Nick: What, no Hanley at SS, Alejandro? Even though he’s carrying your umpbump fantasy team? Surprising!

Alejandro: Oh man i knew i’d miss someone….Yeah, forget Reyes, please include H Ramirez instead…

Sarah: Hey, I’m not sure it’s kosher to have A-Rod as the DH. You can only vote for people where they are eligible, no? Or can you shift things around with the write-in?

Alejandro: Good point… I dunno…to be honest, i filled this ballot in haste in the middle of a meeting…

Paul: Get your priorities straight, Alejandro. All-Star ballots are serious business. Not to be done in the middle of business. This business clearly supersedes that business.

Coley: I think the problem with including guys like Griffey is that this year it counts! And, I’m kinda serious. I mean, if the Phillies are denied home-field advantage in the World Series because Ken Griffey, Jr. strikes out with the bases loaded in the all-star game, I’m going to be pissed. Here’s my lineup:

Coley’s All-Star Ballot

American League

C Joe Mauer

1B Jason Giambi

2B Ian Kinsler

3B Alex Rodriguez

SS Michael Young

OF Jermaine Dye

OF Grady Sizemore

OF Josh Hamilton

DH Milton Bradley

SP Cliff Lee

I’m not one to pick a fight. Whenever the editor of a newspaper for which I don’t work for comes over to my cubicle screaming obscenities as to why the Internet is jacked up, I look down, blush red in anger, and bite my lip.

Loyal UmpBump readers know that I rarely have a bone to pick with anyone (well, except Jay Mariotti, but who doesn’t?!)

But this morning, as I unfolded the sports section of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution I came across a column by one Furman Bisher, a pundit I’d never heard of in my life. And his column, “Sayonara, baseball tradition” though eloquent, rich in historical facts, embellished with romantic longing for yesteryear, came across as outstandingly ignorant and scandalous.

Now, as I said, I’d never heard of Bisher, so I brushed up on his bio just to know who I was dealing with, and it’s more than evident that he’s an eminence and he’s earned his place among accomplished sports journalists.

But passages like this have finally broken my impression of printed dates preceded by the number 19 as current or modern; and clearly, like Bisher, those dates belong in the 20th century, and not in the opinion pages of any publication:

Well, not any longer. Money can change any habit. Eight springs ago the Mets and Cubs opened the season, not in Cincinnati. Guess where? Tokyo. That Tokyo, the guys who gave us Pearl Harbor. Some people don’t like you to bring that up, trade with Japan is so hot. But I’ve got a long memory. I saw what a few bombs can do to our property.

Oh, well, ‘scuse me. It’s just tough to get away from it when you turn on your TV in the morning there are the Boston Red Sox playing the Oakland A’s in the Tokyo Dome. Not only that, but the Red Sox pitcher is Daisuke Matsuzaka, who didn’t grow up in Wampole.

I have no problem with Furman waxing nostalgic about Red Stockings and how every season was opened in Cincinnati; yes, tradition is something we all long for and have a hard time breaking off. But when you go from Cubs-Mets in Tokyo, to the Japanese bombing Pearl Harbor, to Daisuke and Opening Day ‘08, it’s time to ignore the senile old man and let him sit in his chair, drinking his sweet tea.

Except, of course, he’s not sitting idly reminiscing on his better days. He’s in the opinion pages of both a major daily and its website!

Bah, who am I kidding. This is the AJC, and this is Georgia, where it’s still illegal to buy beer on Sunday. Too bad old man Bisher doesn’t realize that, much like him, some traditions, for better or worse, will simply not go away.