So yesterday morning as I was in my local bagel shop waiting on my bacon egg and cheese on an onion bagel, I glanced down at the newspapers and I saw this photo of A-Rod and Kate Hudson on the cover of the NY Daily News:

Then I noticed the headline of the story beside this photo. And thought, “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds about right”:

From the New York Times’ Bats blog comes word that Details Magazine is coming out with a story about A-Rod, who sat for the interview on the day he found out Sports Illustrated reporter Selena Roberts would write he had tested positive for steroids in 2003.

Maybe the article will shed some light on the riddle that is A-Rod, but I have a feeling people will be paying more attention to the photos.

From Bats:

“We thought he was getting to a different level of comfort with himself,” Bhattacharji said. “The picture of him kissing his reflection is very revealing. Is he in love with himself or is he kissing something goodbye?”

A picture of A-Rod kissing his reflection? If you think we overuse the Pat Burrell “Man or Machine” photo, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

Well, it can’t buy taste. But it can buy one heckuva swimming pool:

If this isn’t a pathetic excuse of an attempt at spreading a viral web video, I don’t know what is.

What’s Activision thinking, putting four elite athletes in a room, with nary boxer briefs and a pink shirt? That we’re just going to post it!?

We have no shame…

(For those of you scoring at home, yes, that’s Tony Hawk, Michael Phelps, Kobe Bryant, and his studness, Alex Rodriguez)

Yes, that’s Alex Rodriguez actually wiping his face with a $100 bill.

It’s time for each member of the umpbump staff to make his or her MVP picks. Nick went first. Now it’s my turn. Buckle up — it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

American League

Rob Neyer says 30 win shares is a good baseline for an MVP caliber season and if he’s right than we’ve got a problem, because not one single player had 30 win shares in the AL this season. Still, I’ve got to pick someone, so I guess I’ll go with…

3. Alex Rodriguez, 3B, Yankees. In 100 fewer at bats, he hit only two fewer home runs than league leader Miguel Cabrera. His .573 slugging percentage led the league, and his .964 OPS was fourth. Defensively, he had the highest fielding percentage among AL third basemen, and he got to more balls outside his zone than any AL 3B other than Adrian Beltre. Oh, and he stole 18 bases.

2. Dustin Pedroia, 2B, Red Sox. He was third in runs created in the AL this season, behind Grady Sizemore and Josh Hamilton. His .325 batting average was second in the league. He stole 20 bases and only got caught once. He was arguably the best defensive second baseman in the league, and he gets extra credit for being adorable.

1. Joe Mauer, C, Twins. I don’t have much to add beyond what Nick said. This guy is the best all around player in the game. He’s not only one of the best defensive catchers in baseball, but he is one of the best defensive player overall. This season, Kurt Suzuki led the majors with 9.3 defensive win shares. Mauer came in second with 8.2. That’s not second among only catchers. That’s all positions. To do what he does defensively and also lead the league in hitting makes for an obvious MVP selection, as far as I’m concerned.

National League

This year’s NL MVP selection is complicated a bit by the enigmatic Ryan Howard, who managed to lead the league in home runs and RBI — by a lot — while maintaining an anemic .250 batting average. How do you not vote for a guy who led the league in homers and RBI? This is how…

3. Chase Utley, 2B, Phillies. He’s tied for fourth in the league with 27 win shares and eighth in defensive win shares. He’s fifth in the league in runs created. Utley’s season stalled after a torrid April. The media speculated that he was playing hurt. Utley denied it, saying he wasn’t injured beyond the usual bumps and bruises that a player accrues over the course of a season. But what a lot of fans don’t know is that Utley’s bruises are more plentiful than most. He was hit by a pitch 27 times this season — almost twice as many HBPs as anybody else. He does whatever it takes to win. And he’s an above average defensive second baseman.

2. Lance Berkman, 1B, Astros. I’m having a hard time not voting for Berkman for MVP, just because he clearly had an MVP calliber year. He had four more win shares than anyone in the NL, including Albert Pujols. But that’s about the only metric I can find that favors Berkman.

1. Albert Pujols, 1B, Cardinals. He was the man. He led the league in OPS and runs created. He was second in batting average and OBP, behind Chipper Jones. He walked nearly twice as often as he struck out. Moreover, as Jayson Stark point out, Pujols “racked up almost twice as many intentional walks (33) as anybody else in the league and only 46 percent of the pitches thrown to him have been in the strike zone.” That’s an MVP.

The Yankees have problems. They’re not going to make the playoffs. The two young guns who are supposed to anchor the rotation for years, Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy, have alternated between bad and injured. Their defense up the middle is crap. Robinson Cano and Melky Cabrera both regressed this season. And Jeter seems to be in decline.

But that’s not what’s keeping the Yankees brass up at night. SI’s Jon Heyman reported last week that “club higherups are concerned” about A-Rod and “they are even wondering aloud whether his off-field distractions are affecting his play.”

Says Heyman:

He may be partially a victim of high standards, his otherworldy 2007 season and his second gargantuan contract, this one for $275 guaranteed plus $30 million in makeable incentives. But A-Rod is batting only .244 with runners in scoring position, so that stat line of .309, 28 homers and 78 RBIs isn’t quite what it seems.

Actually, as of Tuesday afternoon, A-Rod is hitting .250 with runners in scoring position. That’s nothing to brag about, for sure. But just how bad is it?

It’s a heck of a lot better than Jason Giambi’s .205 AVG with RISP, or Melky Cabrera’s .204 line.

It’s not nearly as good as Ian Kinsler’s .413 AVG with RISP.

It’s a little better than Evan Longoria and Jack Cust, and a little worse than Ichiro, Carlos Pena and Jermaine Dye.

It’s bad. But it’s not historically bad.

Of course, batting average with runners in scoring position is not the only measure of a hitter’s clutchness. The Hardball Times has developed a stat that looks at Bill James’s Runs Created formula and factors in the impact of a batter’s batting average with runners in scoring position and the number of home runs with runners on. They call the stat “clutch.”

(The specific formula is Hits with RISP minus overall BA times at bats with RISP, plus HR with runners on minus (all HR/AB) times at bats with runners on.)

Who, according to this stat, is 2008’s most clutch player? Melvin “Freaking” Mora. And who is the least clutch? Alex Rodriguez – and it’s not close.

That’s no surprise, right? A-Rod has always been unclutch. He’s a choker. The anti-Jeter. Even before Madonna, Rodriguez shrank in the biggest situations.

But wait! Last year, A-Rod was the fourth most clutch player in baseball. He hit .330 with RISP. And, while that still wasn’t as good as Jeter’s .354 AVG with RISP, it’s still very good. In 2006, A-Rod hit a respectable .302 with RISP and his clutchness rating was middle of the pack, better than Mark Teixeira and Manny Ramirez, but not nearly as good as Carl Crawford or Michael Young.

So A-Rod, while he’s no Jeter, is kinda clutch, provided you adhere to the Hardball Times’ definition. Of course, the problem with clutchness is that nobody can agree on exactly what it means. Who’s to say that RISP is the be-all-end-all? Why not look at a player’s ability to hit in games where the score is close after seven innings? Why not look at a hitter’s ability to produce with runners in scoring position and two outs.

I was talking to Paul about A-Rod’s clutchness and he pointed out that most hitters have slightly better numbers with RISP than otherwise. For one, sacrifice flies with runners on third don’t count against your batting average.

But A-Rod’s numbers with runners in scoring position are slightly worse than his overall numbers. From 2005-2008, here are his numbers overall:

BA: .308

OBP: .409

SLG: .591

AB/SO: 4.41

AB/HR: 13.21

And here’s what he did over that span with RISP:

BA: .296

OBP: .426

SLG: .526

AB/SO: 3.64

AB/HR: 16.19

It’s not a big difference, but it’s enough to suggest that A-Rod doesn’t thrive with runners in scoring position (though maybe the reason his OBP went up and his slugging and average went down is because he doesn’t see as many strikes in tight situations?).

Regardless, there’s no debating that A-Rod has been unclutch this year. That may be Madonna’s fault. But the Yankees’ third baseman isn’t historially unclutch. And least not enough to worry about. And he certainly isn’t the biggest reason the Yankees are going to miss the playoffs this season. Not even close.