It’s no secret that Barry Zito has undergone a mini career renaissance this year, clawing his way back from two sub-par seasons that had many calling his contract the worst free-agent contract ever to post some surprisingly solid numbers this year. His FIP is the best in four seasons, and his K/9 is the best he’s posted since way back in his 2002 banner season.

As has often been noticed, Zito’s decline has been a product of two things – a loss of velocity on a fastball that was already marginal at best, and a loss of command over his big looping curveball.

While Zito’s fastball velocity has inched up a bit this year, and his command is slightly better this season, neither has improved very significantly, and pretty much all other peripheral numbers are right at career norms.

No, the one big difference between 2009 Barry Zito and all other Barry Zito’s is that he is suddenly throwing a new pitch a lot more often – an 80 mph slider with good command.  This slider has allowed Zito to get more K’s and have another option to get a strike over without having to always grove his 86 mph fastball right down the pipe.

When Zito first came up and dominated in the early years of this decade, he was basically a strictly fastball-curveball guy, mixing in an occasional changeup only about 15% of the time.

10 seasons later, he is still throwing his changeup about 15% of the time, but instead of throwing his fastball 60% of the time and his curveball 25%, he is now mixing in a slider.

Zito began experimenting with the slider as early as 2005, but until this year it was still an experimental pitch which he only threw on rare occasions (only about 7% of his pitches).  But this season he is throwing the slider almost 18% of his pitches, and it’s been the main secret to his increased effectiveness.

Man, this week feels long. How about some good ol’ fashioned midweek reading?

We already knew that Derek Jeter drinks wine coolers. Now, via Sox and Dawgs, we have the lowdown on A-Rod’s beverage of choice: a cold, fruity Sex on the Beach!

Also in the category of “The Pinstriped Epicure,” we have fresh intel on Yankee radioman John Sterling from the New York Post: he double dips!

Jeff Francoeur told the AJC he felt betrayed by the Braves when they sent him to the minors for a few days, but now his (relatively) harsh words have been removed from the paper’s website. Sabernomics wants to know: where did Frenchy’s quotes go?

Home Run Derby has noticed that Barry Zito’s Fathead poster is on clearance. A new low, indeed. At roughly 20 bucks a pop, Zito could now buy 900,000 of them this year.

UFH invades SportsCenter, notes Awful Announcing—apparently, Giambi’s occasional ’stache has now taken on a life of its own. IT’S ALIVE! IT’S ALIIIIIVE I TELL YOU!

From the Detroit Tigers Weblog, a kitten story. Because everyone likes a kitten story.

And finally, ladies and gentlemen, presenting your latest New York Times contributor: Milton Bradley! I’m staying tuned in case Arthur Sulzberger Jr. does something to provoke him.

Something else I should be reading? Meow at me!

In baseball there are two kinds of suckage – ordinary, run-of-the-mill “suckage,” and spectacular, 100-loss level “total suckage.” In the past two weeks, the San Francisco tranwreck express seems to have veered off the track of awesome HD flatscreen total suckage and back onto the track of boring, basic cable suckage.

On one hand, the team is in the throes of a five-game losing streak, but on the other hand, several positive developments have occurred which have made GM Brian Sabean so giddy with optimism that he is now declaring publicly that the Giants are still in contention this year and that he will not be trading away any veterans this season.

Let’s look at what has gone the Giants’ way of late…

- Barry Zito has returned from his 10-day banishment to the bullpen (during which time he did not make a single appearance), and miraculously reeled off three decent starts in a row, all of which he rightly deserved to win (although, of course, the lousy offense behind him insured all three wound up as Giants losses).

- Omar Vizquel made his triumphant return from the disabled list and is off to a blazing start at the plate, posting a .360 batting average and a .907 OPS in his first 8 games.

- Better yet for the team, Vizquel’s return and the “emergence” of Manny Burriss as a middle infielder who can post an on-base percentage of at least .260 means that single-A shortstop Brian Bocock has been optioned to Fresno where he can now be overmatched at the plate by triple-A pitchers rather than major-league pitchers.

- After a magical hamstring injury which helped him magically recover his hitting stroke, Ray Durham has gone on a 10 for 19 tear which has seen his batting average skyrocket from .247 to .300.

- Lone rotational standout Tim Lincecum continues to be one of the awesomest starters in the game, leading the entire major leagues with 63 strikeouts and placing third with a 1.92 ERA. Of course, he has to be nearly perfect with the terrible offense and defense he has playing behind him, but is there any more watchable starting pitcher in the majors right now?

- After spending the first month of the season last in the major leagues in runs per game, the Giants have finally clawed themselves into 29th place, ahead of the even more woeful San Diego Padres.

So with all this good news, can we really call Brian Sabean crazy for thinking the Giants might still have a chance to contend this season?

Yes. Why yes we can. The poor man has clearly lost his marbles and is now living in Magic Happy Land, where chocolate rivers flow clean and sweet, Roger Clemens retired quietly in 1996, and the presently 17-28 San Francisco Giants are going to make a playoff run in 2008. Judging from this picture, apparently they also have a cute white puppy there too.

Park adjusted, the Giants still have the worst offense in baseball. Their defense is also terrible, 26th in the majors in defensive efficiency. Legendary gloveman Omar Vizquel is back, but it is hard to picture him improving the team’s defense, given that their gloves were the only reasons Bocock and Burriss were anywhere near a major league ballpark, and that Vizquel is playing with a knee brace, on the heels of a major knee surgery, at age 42.

The Giants have the second worst record in the majors, and are on pace for 101 losses. But Brian Sabean thinks they are still in contention, and won’t be trading any of his aging veterans for young talent. No wonder he was recently voted the worst general manager in the game today.

Oh my God. It’s Friday! Finally! To give you a sense of where things stand at UmpBump HQ, en route to the office this morning I took a sharp left turn with my cup o’ Joe not properly secured in the cup holder (evidently). Now I have no coffee to drink, and altogether too much coffee soaked into my pants. Never have I needed some TGIF action so badly, and I trust you, loyal readers, feel the same. And here at UmpBump, “action” = “links.”

Rumors and Rants presents the ten worst contracts in baseball today. Guess who Number 1 is?

We didn’t talk about the John Bale story (pitcher on DL frustrated with how rehab is going, punches door with pitching hand, breaks hand) here on UmpBump because we were satisfied with the level of snark at Can’t Stop the Bleeding. Obviously, he didn’t have the Crash Davis tutorial on not hitting doors with your pitching hand. (I can’t keep giving you these free lessons!)

Rob Parker of the Detroit News says “like him or not, the Tigers need Bonds.” I disagree, given that the Tigers are actually third in the AL in runs scored and in the top five in every important offensive category. The problem for Detroit is that they’ve allowed the most runs of any AL Team—yes, even more than the Rangers. I fail to see how signing Barry Bonds is going to change that. But I guess we have to have thirty different versions of the article, “Team X needs to sign Barry Bonds,” no matter how silly some of those are.

Speaking of Bonds, he helped start this recent trend of using maple bats, which can be dangerous when they shatter (see photo). I’m an ash bat purist, so I was glad to see Jeff Passan’s article calling for the end of maple bats at Yahoo! Sports. (Hat tip to ShysterBall.)

Brawl! Since bench-clearing brawls are officially one of the reasons baseball is awesome, Babes Love Baseball has the video (in slo mo!) of Richie Sexson going after Kason Gabbard for throwing a high pitch. When I saw Sexson fling the helmet at Gabbard, and Gabbard promptly curl up in the fetal position on the pitcher’s mound, I knew I was watching an instant classic. The rest of the brawl is just gravy.

Ladies… has the goods on Carlos Gomez in the wake of his hitting-for-the-cycle performance. How you doin’?

Bill Plaschke tries to clarify whether Vin Scully is retiring or not. I came away with a new determination to watch all the Dodgers games this year on MLB.TV, just in case.

And Pinstripe Alley and River Ave Blues would both like to know why all the fuss about Joba’s fist pump. Seriously, a fist-pump controversy? That seems a bit much, even to this Boston fan. Try getting yourselves a shortstop on pace for 45 errors on the season, then tell me about controversy. I would love to hear the ululating in New York if Julio Lugo played for the Yankees. (Mostly because that would mean Julio Lugo was playing for the Yankees.)

And to wrap it up, Soxaholix presents: Youkalicious!

Know something I should be reading? Let me know!

I do try to control my raging Boston homer impulses here on UmpBump, but there’s only so much a girl can do. I’ve just got all these BoSox-centered thoughts rattling around in the old bean, and I’ve got let some of them out! But if you stick it out for a few paragraphs, there will be some assorted MLB-wide random thoughts towards the end.

Curt Schilling may be an opinionated guy, but he’s not afraid to admit when he’s wrong. He played catch yesterday, after what he described as his longest period without throwing a ball since he was five years old. And he admitted that the course of rehab recommended by the Red Sox doctors—which he fought tooth and nail—is working. And the weight bonus has been dropped from his contract. Bartolo Colon is pitching for Pawtucket on Saturday. And yesterday, Boston’s other old man, knuckleballer Tim Wakefield, threw 8 innings of shut-out ball in Detroit. Good times for Boston’s venerable hurlers.

Gordon Edes (still at the Boston Globe, at least for the time being) had a quick observation about Julio Lugo:

Julio Lugo began the day ranked at the bottom of all defensive categories for big-league shortstops. He had the most errors (9), the lowest fielding percentage (.919), was last in assists per nine innings (2.36), and last in range factor (3.49). The rest of the Sox infield? Mike Lowell, Sean Casey, and Dustin Pedroia have one error apiece, Kevin Youkilis none. Most of Lugo’s errors have come on routine plays, an indictment of his fundamental skills more than his athleticism…

This jibes with what I’ve been observing. Lugo gets to the ball and then bobbles it, or lets it go under his glove, or even snags it and then throws it away. It just seems like he’s not focused, as if he’s thinking too many steps ahead instead—he looks like he’s taking his eye off the ball when it’s coming to him and then getting rid of it before he gets his feet under him. Basic stuff. Lugo has called himself an aggressive shortstop and has admitted that sometimes, his enthusiasm results in mistakes. I wish he’d get a little more Zen-master-like focus.

Anyway, compare Edes’ observation, above, with this sentence from Nick Cafardo, the man who took over the Sunday Notes column from him:

Is there a shortstop alive with more range than the Angels’ Erick Aybar (please, no “range factor” stats)?

Ugh. For the record, Erick Aybar is leading MLB shortstops in range factor this season. He’s 13th in fielding percentage. Or, if you’re Nick Cafardo, in “‘fielding percentage’ stats.” Cafardo also interviewed Johnny Damon, who sounds like a bit of an ass:

You’re 34 years old with more than 2,100 hits. Do you ever think about playing a long time and getting 3,000 hits and possibly making it to the Hall of Fame?

JD: “I’m starting to think about it. I never thought about it because it’s a team game and there are so many pitches I took to try to work the pitch count to make it easier on people like [David] Ortiz, Mike Sweeney, and Manny [Ramírez]. I mean, what if I just swung and got the hits and all the times I played when I shouldn’t have to make sure other guys stay fresh? If you think about that over seven or eight years, how many would I have had? I’m starting to think about it more.”

Apparently, Johnny Damon could have had a lot more hits by now, if he hadn’t been trying to selflessly help the team. (Whaaa?)

At a recent game in the Fens, we were sitting right behind the Boston bullpen. We watched Hideki Okajima rub the parrot for good luck before the game. We watched Julian Tavarez flirting with the girls seated next to us. Billy the bullpen cop saw an adorable little boy walk up to the metal fencing and peek down into the pen; Billy got Jonathan Papelbon to walk over to the fence and say hi. The little boy’s eyes widened to the size of catchers’ mitts. We saw the guys trying to throw pumpkin seeds into a plastic cup. (Only one seed went in, by my count, but some unseen hand was throwing those seeds with a lot of great, biting movement on ‘em. It would really dive in against a righthanded hitter, with good downward break as well. Wonder who that was?)

Boston’s now enjoying a 4-game lead for first place in the AL East. The Rays are 4 back, the struggling Yanks and the Jays a game behind them, and the Orioles are back in the cellar where they belong.

Other MLB randomness:

Have you ever noticed how Placido Polanco has a head like a midget? It’s a midget-shaped head on a regular-sized body. Strange.

Barry Zito will return to the starting rotation without making any appearances out of the bullpen. This seems less like a return to sanity on the part of San Francisco management than like they utterly and completely lack for any sort of plan, at all. But then, we knew that.

The players’ association is investigating suspicions of collusion regarding unsigned veterans like Kenny Lofton and Barry Bonds. But old is old and indicted is indicted, no?

MLB looked into the blow-up doll incident in the White Sox clubhouse and decided it was a “team issue.” GM Ken Williams has been assured by Ozzie Guillen that it won’t happen again. Yet the skipper has told the press he sees nothing offensive, immature, or otherwise pathetic with having lewdly positioned blow-up dolls in the clubhouse because it’s a clubhouse, and what happens in the clubhouse should stay in the clubhouse because it’s the clubhouse, goddammit, and if grown men want to play with dolls in their clubhouse than that’s their clubhouse-given right! Clubhouse. (Note to self: rename office cubicle “the clubhouse;” purchase opium; hire harem boys; acquire a quantity of mead, one of those roasted pigs with the apple stuck in its mouth, and a cake; send Outlook invites for Friday afternoon orgy.) Now, it should be noted that there was, at one point, a naked blow-up doll in my freshman year dorm room. I have no idea how it got there, but one day I woke up and saw it, lo and behold, perched atop my roommate’s wardrobe. And a couple of months later, it vanished. I offer this anecdote just by way of saying, random and tasteless blow-up dolls could happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time.

Jacoby Ellsbury has been suffering from an “aggravated groin” (Fenway West). The other night at the ballpark, my friend asked me, “An aggravated groin? What’s an aggravated groin? How did he get an aggravated groin?” I replied, “I’ll have to get on that.” What I meant, was, I’ll have to figure that out. Badump-CHING! Tacoby Bellsbury should be back in the lineup tonight.

With Noah Lowry on the DL and Barry Zito headed to the pen, talk of a six-man rotation in San Francisco has died down. This pleases me, because six-man rotations are one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard of. Teams already have a tough enough time finding five decent starters, and as it is, the fifth slot on most teams is something of a revolving door. And the idea of a 25-man roster consisting of perhaps 13 pitchers is equally disgusting. But as Giants Win notes, the larger concern for the San Fran squad may be their utter and complete lack of offense—on pace to score fewer runs than a dead ball era team. Oh my God.

I, like many, thought Phil Hughes’ “oblique strain” was code for “needs to go work out his suckage in the minors.” But now they’re saying it’s a stress fracture in one of his ribs. Hughes says he has “no idea” how he got it. But how do you fracture a rib and not realize it? Given that he also suffered a strained hamstring and a sprained ankle last year, NYY fans have to be hoping this is nothing more than a run of bad luck. But on Bronx Banter, it sounds like hope (not to mention patience) is running out.

Lone Star Ball gives Mindy McCready’s dad an Inigo Montoya Award. Any cross-pollination between baseball and The Princess Bride is always appreciated.

I like the Brewers. I have three of them on my fantasy team. I picked them to upset the Cubs for the NL Central title. But I don’t see how they’re going to do that without Ben Sheets. His first three starts filled me with hope. His subsequent triceps strain, despair. Now I don’t know what to think. Fortunately, I have the Hardball Times and pitch FX to tell me what’s what. Unfortunately, they also think the triceps tightness could be related to a rotator cuff issue. Nooooooooooooooo…..

Did you see Frank Thomas hit that triple a few days back? Did you wonder, whoah, when does Frank Thomas hit a triple? So did MopUpDuty. My favorite nugget from this post: Mark McGwire had only 6 triples in his entire career.

This week’s Metro column, on why the Rays are for real, but the other April surprise in the AL East, the Orioles, are not.

And finally, the Nats have a song. So Bugs and Cranks came up with hilarious ditties for all the other teams, too! I will now joyfully sing along to the new, awesome, Red Sox fan song:

We’re rawkous (raucous!) for the Red Sox!

We’re rawkous for the Red Sox!

We’re crazy and we’re awesome, brah!

We’re rawkous for the Red Sox!

Sully and Fitzy and Paddy Go Bragh

We’ll cut yer fuckin’ face if you look at us wrong!

So let’s go Nation of Red Sox fans!

Let’s throw some pizza in the stands!

Let’s go Red Sox!

As the lyrics of Jonathan Papelbon’s warm-up song (that *Dropkick Murphys tune from The Departed) sort of sound to me like, “I’m a sailor BRAAAAAH! And I lost my BRAAAAAH!”, I’m happy to see the emphatic syllable making the rounds in other Sox-related shanties.

*The lyrics were actually penned by Woody Guthrie. The real lyrics are, “I’m a sailor peg and I lost my leg.” The leg part, I get—but peg? Is that like, “I’m a sailor, Peg” (as if to his girlfriend, Peggy)? Inquiring minds want to know.

This is another in our occasional series of posts wherein we update you on the status of the nonstop schadenfreude express which is the 2008 San Francisco Giants…

As virtually everyone knows by now, $126 million man Barry Zito has been summarily banished to the bullpen after beginning the season 0-6. But what I still don’t get is why the Giants would do this, as it seems like the worst possible option. By all accounts Zito is fully healthy, and given that the Giants have no chance whatsoever of contending this season, the best way to get any return on their investment is to let him eat innings as a starter. Just put him on a 100-pitch count and run him out there, no matter how many runs he gives up. On the other hand, if they want Zito to work on his mechanics in a less pressurized environment, then they should get him to agree to go down to the minor leagues, where he can start every 5th day against AAA hackers and get his confidence back. And if he won’t go down, a third option would be to just do what every other team does and make up an injury so you can DL him and then give him “rehab starts” in the minors. But the last place you want a pitcher with an 80-mph fastball is in your bullpen, where he is going to be useless in anything other than once-a-week mop-up relief, won’t get enough work to work out his mechanics, and will be eating up a spot on the roster.

In other rotation news, Kevin Correia has gone down with an oblique strain which will sideline him until at least the end of May, and Noah Lowry’s recovery from a nerve injury in his forearm is going much slower than expected. Originally he was expected back in mid-April, but now Giants athletic trainer Dave Groeschner is saying, “We’re probably going to have to shut him down for a significant amount of time,” and his return date is indefinite. Pat Misch has been called up to replace Correia, but it is uncertain who will replace Zito.

Meanwhile, lone rotational standout Tim Lincecum was handed what should be the first of many losses this year, losing to the Rockies despite a strong 7-inning, 3 ER performance, because his offense could only muster 2 runs behind him.

As for that Giants offense, they remain last in the Major Leagues at 3.2 runs scored per game. Although they have somehow been able to compile a record of 13-16 so far, good for third place in the NL West, their run differential would produce an expected 19 losses, tied for worst in the game with the Padres, so the Giants have been lucky so far to do as well (?) as they have.

The bloom is off the rose for emergency minor-league call-up John Bowker. After a blistering major league debut in which he batted .364 with 3 homers and 9 RBI in his first 9 games, inspiring hope in Giants fans that they might have secretly had a hitting prospect they never knew about, the guy who had never played above AA before this year fell off a cliff, going 3 for his next 31, and is now batting .193/.217/.404 as reality reasserts itself.

Your obligatory Brian Bocock batting update – .157/.280/.171 for a mind-bogglingly low .452 OPS.

In steroid-related news, one of the lone bright spots in the Giants organization this season – catcher Eliezer Alfonzo – who had been on the verge of a call-up after batting .306 with 3 homers and 14 RBI for AAA Fresno, was suspended by MLB for 50 games for testing positive for taking a banned substance, which Alfonzo has admitted doing.

Is it really only Wednesday? Alas, so it would seem. Let’s have some lunchtime linkage:

Barry Zito needs himself a slumpbuster. BabesLoveBaseball has some suggestions.

If that doesn’t work out, the Fresno Beehive would like him to come to Fresno. The AAA Grizzlies need an ace, Barry!

Another installment in Deadspin’s excellent series of horrifying moments in sports journalism, this post features a deaf Ken Griffey Jr, a naked Jay Buhner, and a mostly-naked Lou Piniella.

The 25th anniversary of Lee Elia’s famous tirade (Eighty-five percent of the f*ckin’ world is working. The other fifteen percent come out here!) brought you by FanIQ.

Do-gooding HBW alert: Kelli Pedroia.

Beyond the Box Score says Ryan Zimmerman’s not sucky, just unlucky.

Some great ballparks to check out for that minor league road trip you’ve been planning, courtesy of Bus Leagues Baseball.

Boston’s DL payroll exceeded the payroll of the entire Marlins ballclub. But hey, at least it was cheaper than New York’s DL payroll. (Center Field)

And as always, I like to read good stuff. So if you have some, share it.