Jacoby Ellsbury has been suffering from an “aggravated groin” (Fenway West). The other night at the ballpark, my friend asked me, “An aggravated groin? What’s an aggravated groin? How did he get an aggravated groin?” I replied, “I’ll have to get on that.” What I meant, was, I’ll have to figure that out. Badump-CHING! Tacoby Bellsbury should be back in the lineup tonight.

With Noah Lowry on the DL and Barry Zito headed to the pen, talk of a six-man rotation in San Francisco has died down. This pleases me, because six-man rotations are one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard of. Teams already have a tough enough time finding five decent starters, and as it is, the fifth slot on most teams is something of a revolving door. And the idea of a 25-man roster consisting of perhaps 13 pitchers is equally disgusting. But as Giants Win notes, the larger concern for the San Fran squad may be their utter and complete lack of offense—on pace to score fewer runs than a dead ball era team. Oh my God.

I, like many, thought Phil Hughes’ “oblique strain” was code for “needs to go work out his suckage in the minors.” But now they’re saying it’s a stress fracture in one of his ribs. Hughes says he has “no idea” how he got it. But how do you fracture a rib and not realize it? Given that he also suffered a strained hamstring and a sprained ankle last year, NYY fans have to be hoping this is nothing more than a run of bad luck. But on Bronx Banter, it sounds like hope (not to mention patience) is running out.

Lone Star Ball gives Mindy McCready’s dad an Inigo Montoya Award. Any cross-pollination between baseball and The Princess Bride is always appreciated.

I like the Brewers. I have three of them on my fantasy team. I picked them to upset the Cubs for the NL Central title. But I don’t see how they’re going to do that without Ben Sheets. His first three starts filled me with hope. His subsequent triceps strain, despair. Now I don’t know what to think. Fortunately, I have the Hardball Times and pitch FX to tell me what’s what. Unfortunately, they also think the triceps tightness could be related to a rotator cuff issue. Nooooooooooooooo…..

Did you see Frank Thomas hit that triple a few days back? Did you wonder, whoah, when does Frank Thomas hit a triple? So did MopUpDuty. My favorite nugget from this post: Mark McGwire had only 6 triples in his entire career.

This week’s Metro column, on why the Rays are for real, but the other April surprise in the AL East, the Orioles, are not.

And finally, the Nats have a song. So Bugs and Cranks came up with hilarious ditties for all the other teams, too! I will now joyfully sing along to the new, awesome, Red Sox fan song:

We’re rawkous (raucous!) for the Red Sox!
We’re rawkous for the Red Sox!
We’re crazy and we’re awesome, brah!
We’re rawkous for the Red Sox!

Sully and Fitzy and Paddy Go Bragh
We’ll cut yer fuckin’ face if you look at us wrong!
So let’s go Nation of Red Sox fans!
Let’s throw some pizza in the stands!

Let’s go Red Sox!

As the lyrics of Jonathan Papelbon’s warm-up song (that *Dropkick Murphys tune from The Departed) sort of sound to me like, “I’m a sailor BRAAAAAH! And I lost my BRAAAAAH!”, I’m happy to see the emphatic syllable making the rounds in other Sox-related shanties.

*The lyrics were actually penned by Woody Guthrie. The real lyrics are, “I’m a sailor peg and I lost my leg.” The leg part, I get—but peg? Is that like, “I’m a sailor, Peg” (as if to his girlfriend, Peggy)? Inquiring minds want to know.

Drunk, belligerent Al Reyes to arresting officer: “Don’t tase me, bro!” (DRaysBay)

In other booze news, Drunk Jays Fans is having a healthy debate about all those…drunk…Jays…fans. How apt.

El Lefty Malo has an intriguing suggestion for Barry Zito: send him down.

Fire Joe Morgan took their sarcastic snark to new heights yesterday with YouTube. Epic.

I love reading CenterField. This woman has gone above and beyond to bring us the video of Jonathan Papelbon’s asstastic Dunkin Donuts commerical. I have been waiting for this moment all week!

There’s a reason UmpBumper Nick didn’t join our fantasy league. “You guys have to understand, fantasy sports is like crack to me,” he confessed. “Once I start, I can’t stop.” Sound familiar to any of you? Well, here’s a way to save yourself from yourself. (RotoNation)

Edgar Renteria apparently likes getting booed now (”When the fans boo me, that’s real exciting”) reports the Boston Herald. That’s not what he said when he left Boston for the Braves, when he said that an early booing by Red Sox fans caused him to put too much pressure on himself. “I don’t know if [the fans] were looking for 30 homers, like Garciaparra in the past did, but it was crazy,” he kvetched at the time, adding “I had never been booed in my career.” We weren’t looking for thirty homers. We just didn’t want thirty errors.

The Red Sox and the homers they hit, from Me and Pedro. An excellent chuckle (at least for Sox fans).

Since 1956, only 5 pitchers have gone their first three starts without giving up a run. Today, tomorrow, and Sunday, three pitchers will try to match this feat—Ben Sheets, Oliver Perez, and Kyle Lohse. Get the details from Baseball Reference’s Stat of the Day.

Doug Glanville’s writing a guest column for the NYT this season.

Also, there’s a Red Sox t-shirt buried under the new Yankee Stadium.

Thank you, that is all.

This is one of a series of posts in which we grade each team’s wily hot stove maneuvers and tragic offseason blunders.

As we know, “Milwaukee” is Algonquin for “the good land.” And Milwaukee does indeed look like the good land in 2008. Last year they ended up leading the NL Central for all but 29 games, only to falter in August and cede first place to the powerhouse 85-win Cubs. But this year will be different. Why?

First, there’s the hotly anticipated full season of Dreamy-Eyed Ryan Braun. Then there’s the fact that the Brewers finally took my advice (preen, preen) and moved the defensively challenged Braun out of the left side of the infield and into the left side of the outfield. Then there’s the fact that he’s just 24.

Then, there’s Prince Fielder, who, while the baseball world’s attention was focused on the dreamy eyes of the aforementioned Dreamy-Eyed One, hit 50 homers last year. He’s still only 23.

And then there’s Rickie Weeks, who spent most of last year struggling as he recovered from wrist surgery he’d had in August 2006—but who went on a tear the last two months of the season, and who’ll be leading off on Opening Day. He poised for a breakout season at age 25.

Hopes are also high for 21-year old starter Yovani Gallardo, who did quite well in his debut last year. Gallardo has been lights-out at every level, and should be ready to take on a full workload this year, despite his tender age. He’s got a fastball in the mid-90s and a big curveball in the 70s, and in September of last year, he put together a 21-inning scoreless streak with the big league club. He’ll likely be joined in the starting rotation by another young hurler, Carlos Villanueva, giving Milwaukee’s rotation a youthful new look.

Finally, 30-year old Ben Sheets is healthy and ready to have a good year, after a few seasons sprinkled with injuries. He’s in the last year of his contract and would no doubt like to prove himself worthy of big money; if he stays healthy, that shouldn’t be a problem. Over the past three years, he hasn’t pitched more than 156.2 innings per season, but his K/BB rate and his ERA have been decent over that span. Plus, the last time he was in a contract year, he pitched 237 innings with a 2.70 ERA and a ridiculous 237 strikeouts. If he can get even a little close to those numbers again, the Brewers will have a formidable 1-2 punch at the top of their rotation.

Yet despite all the good news, there are still some lingering concerns and question marks heading into camp.

The Brewers landed Gabe Kapler this winter, who is making a return to the majors after a year spent managing Boston’s Single-A club, the Greenville (SC) Drive. This upped the team’s already high dreaminess quotient considerably, and, more to the point, gives them the extra outfielder they need. Their preferred starting CF, Gold Glover Mike Cameron, starting the year serving a 25-game suspension after testing positive for a banned stimulant after last season, his second failed test. In his absence, centerfield will be staffed by Tony Gwynn Jr and Gabe Gross. Corey Hart platooned in right field last year, but Brewers brass seems to be going into Spring Training thinking of him as an everyday guy. Once Cameron returns, however, the Brewers will have six outfielders. Someone will have to go to the minors, or become trade bait.

But the outfield is just one issue still facing the Brewers. The bigger question is the bullpen. New closer Eric Gagne showed up in the Mitchell Report, and has yet to publicly comment on it; but, more alarmingly from the point of view of those paying him $10 million, he has yet to show he can still be an effective pitcher. With the Rangers last year, Gagne seemed to hold is own; but with the Red Sox, he fell so completely apart that he almost single-handedly cost them the division title. If Gagne goes back on the roids miraculously improves, Milwaukee’s expensive gamble will look canny. If he stays true to form, however, they’ll have made a very expensive, all-too-predictable mistake.

GM Doug Melvin also traded for reliever Guillermo Mota this offseason, who served a 50-game ban last year for failing a steroid test, and Salomon Torres, as well as signing free agents Randy Choate and David Riske (which has always seemed, to me, like a terrible last name for relief pitcher). None of those guys is going to cause dancing in the streets of Milwaukee. Unfortunately, try though Melvin might, there’s just no way to replace a set-up-man and closer combo of Scott Linebrink and Francisco Cordero—and no way for the Brewers to keep both of them. But despite the criticism of Linebrink’s four-year deal with the White Sox, $4.75 million a year isn’t that much for a set-up man. I admit that four years is a long time to commit to a reliever, and that the fact that Linebrink has a no-trade clause is preposterous, but despite talk of his “decline,” he’s still only 31. Couldn’t the Brewers have scooped him up for a lesser deal before other teams were allowed to negotiate with him? It’s not like they’re a tiny market team; their payroll is just shy of $80 million a year.

Looking ahead, their best prospect is another Fielder/Braun type named Matt LaPorta, another masher with no defense. But with Fielder at first base and Braun now in left field, the Brewers are running out of places to stash these guys. If I were the Brewers, once LaPorta has more professional games under his belt, I might find an AL team looking for a young DH and try to make a trade.

Projected Lineup, Rotation, and Closer

1. 2B Rickie Weeks - 16 HR, .374 OBP
2. SS J.J. Hardy - 26 HR, 30 2B, .277 AVG
3. 1B Prince Fielder - 50 HR, 1.013 OPS
4. LF Ryan Braun - 34 HR, .370 OBP
5. RF Corey Hart - 24 HR, .298 AVG
6. 3B Bill Hall - 14 HR, 35 2B, .254 AVG
7. CF Mike Cameron - 21 HR, .328 OBP
8. C Jason Kendall - .301 OBP, .309 SLG

SP1 Ben Sheets, 3.82 ERA, .253 BAA
SP2 Yovani Gallardo, 3.67 ERA, 1.27 WHIP
SP3 Carlos Villanueva, 3.95 ERA, .236 BAA
SP4 Jeff Suppan, 4.62 ERA
SP5 Dave Bush/Chris Capuano/Claudio Vargas/Manny Parra

CL: Eric Gagne

Acquisitions: Mike Cameron (CF), Eric Gagne (RP), Jason Kendall (C), David Riske (RP), Guillermo Mota (RP), Salomon Torres (RP), Gabe Kapler (OF)

Losses: Francisco Cordero (RP), Geoff Jenkins (LF), Scott Linebrink (RP), Matt Wise (RP), Johnny Estrada, (C).

Grade:B+

The Brewers will score runs with their speed and power, and their starting rotation looks solid. They’ll have several guys competing for the starters’ slots in camp, including lefty prospect Manny Parra. Shifting Braun to left field and Bill Hall to third base, and acquiring Cameron, should give the Brewers’ defense a needed boost. There’s been some disagreement about the deal for catcher Jason Kendall, but he moved back towards his career averages in the second half of last season. I see upside there. However, I have to dock the Brewers some points for gambling money they can’t afford to waste on Gagne. I suppose someone was going to sign him, but I can’t believe he commanded 10 million dollars. Were they out-bidding some other team?? Plus, I can’t help but notice that not only have they signed three guys with PED problems, but their farm system is no cleaner: of their top five prospects, one’s been slapped with a 50-game suspension for using PEDs, and another has been caught smoking pot multiple times. And then there’s the way they picked up Manager Ned Yost’s contract option, but forgot to announce it. Despite their decent offseason, it just feels like the Brewers don’t quite have their house in order.

But the bottom line is that the Brewers are a young club that, last year, broke a 15-year streak of sub-.500 seasons, broke a franchise home run record, and broke the Brewers’ attendance record. They’ve got solid pitching and great offensive ability. Their greatest weakness last year was their horrible defense, which they have addressed this winter about as well as could be hoped. This year, if a few of their pitching gambles work out, they could definitely make the playoffs.

- Hot Offseason Action Index -

Before the season began, I made statements among my baseball-savvy friends that Ben Sheets may rival Johan Santana this year as the best pitcher in all of baseball. Now of course, health is a concern with Sheets (averaged 19.5 starts over past two years) but when he pitched, you can actually make a pretty good case that he was the only pitcher who could even be uttered in the same breath as Johan:

As the numbers show, Johan was still better, but not by much. ERA notwithstanding, their peripherals were very similar. They are both power pitchers who do a remarkable job at limiting walks and homeruns. If you don’t believe me, look around. Aside from these two, you will not find two starting pitchers who have this perfect assembly of limiting walks, homeruns, and contact simultaneously.

Which may be why this article caught my attention. After his first outing this year, in which Sheets threw a complete-game two hitter against the Dodgers, I noticed that he had only registered three strikeouts, but I chalked it up to flukiness. But his strikeout rate is yet to improve. 20 innings pitched. 8 strikeouts. That’s 3.6Ks per 9 innings. Chien-Ming Wang territory.

Sheets has obviously noticed.

“To me, the lack of missing bats is kind of startling,” Sheets said Sunday after yet another frustrating outing against the St. Louis Cardinals.

“I ain’t hit a spot all year, really,” he said. “I got away with everything (against the Dodgers). I didn’t miss any bats. They just hit it to people.”

Is Sheets DL-bound again? Seeing as the Brewers have an organizationally rampant hatred of all things defense, Sheets cannot succeed without his strikeouts. Bill Hall in centerfield will not be mistaken for Torii Hunter. Sheets has to limit the number of balls in play, and unless we see progress real soon on his strikeout numbers, he’s going to make me look absolutely stupid for even comparing him to Johan Santana (and we all know that’s the most important thing, right?).