Update below

Some time last year, during the first few weeks of the season, I marveled at the White Sox rotation and their strong start. At first, I figured it was the natural course of things, this very rotation had been the cornerstone for the White Sox World Championship in 2005. But then I realized a common trend with the starters, something that helped me piece the puzzle of the natural mystique of UFH.

Fast-forward one year and with four games, and a 2-2 record, the White Sox pitching staff have once again defied the boundaries of what is UFH. On this occasion however, it isn’t the starters, it’s the relievers.

The UmpBump staffers jumped at the sight of one Boone Logan and quickly inquired as to why I hadn’t exposed this culprit of UFHness; but as I told them, Logan was always on a sea-saw between the minors and the big leagues, so though I knew he was an arm in the ChiSox pen, I rarely saw him pitch.

But then, I saw it.

At first, Logan’s chin-fro comes across as some kind of weird rite of passage he’s imposed on himself now that he’s a full-time major leaguer (this is how he looks in his official MLB headshot), and I shrugged it off as a typical violation of UFH section (3) code (2): Chin hair cannot, under any circumstance, exceed 1 (one) inch in length.

But then, as I saw Bobby Jenks notch his first two saves of the season, I became convinced there is a UFH conspiracy in the White Sox relief corps.

It’s obvious there’s some kind of hierarchy at work here. Jenks being the closer, he gets to sport the golden chin-fro, and Logan being the noob only gets the traditional job. So far, I haven’t been witness to any other White Sox relievers committing this UFH crime, but rest assured, I’ll hunt them down if they do.

Update: Trusty loyal reader melissa pointed out int he comments that one Nick Swisher has also been spotted sporting golden chin hairs, and now we have the evidence. It appears Swisher first committed a minor UFH offense by simply gilding his soul patch, but evidently, he couldn’t keep himself from indulging in complete UFH debauchery.

Behold:

We must put a stop to these hideous UFH crimes!

So Bobby Jenks tied the MLB record for consecutive batters faced and retired. Former Giants pitcher Jim Barr held the record on his own, (he retired 41 straight and won two complete game shut-outs in the process). For one, Barr isn’t upset that Jenks could brake his record tonight.

On Monday afternoon, the former Giants pitcher didn’t seem too distressed by the prospect of imminent dismissal from the spot he has occupied in the major-league record book for 35 years. At least, that’s what he told John Smith, the head baseball coach at Sacramento State, where Barr has mentored the pitchers for the past 13 years.

“He called to see if I was in mourning,” Barr, now 59, said over the phone. “And I said no, I knew what was going on, but it doesn’t bother me.”

Well, at least us White Sox fans have something to root for, even if the team keeps losing in the process. We could cheer as Ozzie mounts a challenge to Bobby Cox’s newly-set record for ejections.

On with the links:

• Your 2006 Major League Baseball Comeback Player of the Year is injured… again.
• Dan Connolly of the Balitmore Sun is impressed by Scott Boras (and Boras, Inc. HQ).
• The Nats signed a high school pitcher that goes by the name of Smoker.
• Here come the St. Louis Cardinals to take over the NL Central, led by the feel-good story of the year in Rick Ankiel, and Cy-Young award candidate… Kip Wells?!
• The Indians are sellouts for selling Yankee memorabilia at the Jake. Hell Yea they sold out (and cashed in).

• Terrence Moore, the sports columnist for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution had a friendly chat with Jack McKeon. The former Marlins manager doesn’t think the Braves can win it all. Terrence, of course, doesn’t agree:

Although Jack McKeon is wrong about the next king of the National League East, the accomplished manager of yore is right about everything else along the way to the divisional throne.

Gee, Terrence, how can you be so sure the Braves will win the Pennant?

I mean, with apologies to McKeon, the Braves will overcome Andruw Jones’ microscopic batting average. They will survive the significant holes on their pitching staff. They will discover ways to have as much energy in the division against the little boys of Florida and Washington as they do against the big boys of New York and Philadelphia. They will return tonight to Turner Field against the San Francisco Giants after splitting six games on the road with the Mets and the Phillies to sharpen their focus for the stretch drive.

They will win the division.