All the talk in Boston this weekend is about our two centerfielders. There’s no debate among the Fenway Faithful as to who should get the job; Coco Crisp has had two years to establish himself in the position, and has failed to do so. Jacoby Ellsbury came up big in the pennant race, and proved himself such a spark plug that manager Terry Francona had no choice but to keep playing him—especially after Coco posted a .182 average in the postseason.

We feel for Coco, no doubt. We know a broken finger can really mess with a guy’s swing, and we love to watch him fling himself all over the outfield. But at the end of the day, Covelli Loyce Crisp did not live up to our (admittedly high) expectations. Coco’s last two years in Cleveland looked like this:

139 G/15 HR/.297 AVG/.344 OBP/.446 SLG/.790 OPS
145 G/ 16 HR/.300 AVG/.345 OBP/.465 SLG/.810 OPS

His two years in Boston? Like this:

105 G/8 HR/.264 AVG/.317 OBP/.385 SLG/.702 OPS
145 G/6 HR/.268 AVG/.330 OPB/.382 SLG/.712 OPS

Even though Boston’s fourth outfielder is likely to get at least fifty starts with Manny Ramirez and J.D. Drew at the corners, Coco is a professional and wants the starting job. And naturally, so does Ellsbury. Yet despite Coco’s stated preference for a trade over a bench role, the media circus swirling around them, and the mutually exclusive desires of both, there seem to be no hard feelings between the two. In fact, they seem nigh inseparable….

They warm up together…

They run sprints together…

They talk about gloves together…

Bert and Ernie even sign autographs together!

Schlemiel, Schlimazel, Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!

That is the question. The answer? Depends on how fast you are. In today’s GameDay column, I note that the Red Sox are bunting again because they’re actually a fast team for the first time in living memory. (I mean middle-aged living memory, not ridiculously old living memory, when you probably can’t remember much anyways.) With Coco Crisp, Julio Lugo, and now Jacoby Ellsbury, these Red Sox like to run. A quick look at some of their speediness statistics this year (I combined Ellsbury’s minor league stats with his 17 games in the majors; to see them separated out, click here):

Coco Crisp: 24 steals, 83% success rate. 25 doubles, 7 triples.
Julio Lugo: 28 steals, 82% success rate. 34 doubles, 2 triples.
Jacoby Ellsbury: 37 steals, 86% success rate. 18 doubles, 5 triples.

Perhaps, then, it shouldn’t surprise us to see the Red Sox bunting since the rosters expanded. Heck, with the extreme shift David Ortiz often faces, even he’s been known to drop a bunt down the third baseline and chug to the first base bag before the opposing team understands what’s going on.

For those of you who don’t know Ellsbury yet, just you wait. His first game in the bigs, he hit an infield roller over to the right field side. It looked like an easy out. In fact, the Sox announcers did one of these: “Aaand it’s a slow, bouncing grounder, aaaand the throw to first will be—NOT IN TIME! ELLSBURY BEATS IT! BOY CAN HE RUN!” Even the cameraman was caught off guard, because all us fans saw of that play was the last of Ellsbury’s foot vanishing from our screens. Later, in a moment that’s already entered into Fenway Lore, Ellsbury scored from second on a wild pitch:

Bunting, however, also presents a potential moral conundrum in baseball. Recently, playing the Orioles, there was a slight scuffle between the O’s and the BoSox after Crisp bunted for a base hit against rookie Oriole pitcher Daniel Cabrera. Cabrera gave him a long look as if to say, “You think you can bunt against me, punk?” (Later in the inning, Coco would be awarded the plate after psyching Cabrera into a balk by skipping down the third baseline–a frustrated Cabrera childishly threw the next pitch over Dustin Pedroia’s head, incited a brawl, and was then ejected from the game.) That was an interesting response, considering that it was the Orioles who tried to bunt against Sox rookie Clay Buchholz the previous week—a move often considered gauche in the midst of a no-hitter. (My thoughts on that gem here.)

Whether you think bunting is fair or not, and whether you think a patient, potent team like the Red Sox should be doing it, when you’ve got Crisp, Lugo, and Ellsbury on your roster, it has to be part of your arsenal.

Maybe you can steal first after all.

During yesterday’s Red Sox-Mariners game, we became witnesses to history.

It was the first time ever that a man named after a breakfast cereal was run over by a moose on an ATV.

As the Red Sox were attempting to take the field in the fifth inning, the mascot of the Seattle Mariners, Mariner Moose, came riding by on his ATV and clocked CoCo who was trying to make his way to centerfield. Crisp was fine after the incident and actually took it all in stride.

“I didn’t see my career flash before my eyes or anything. Actually, I was thinking of me being a billionaire,” Crisp said, smiling at the thought of a lawsuit. “I probably could have made as much as somebody’s wife divorcing a billionaire. But it was just a weird thing that happened.”

Come on, CoCo. Get mad. I mean, you kind of look like Rocky from Rocky and Bullwinkle! The script writes itself! The money will simply come pouring in. And maybe you’ll be able to get to the bottom as to why in the name of Travis Bickle did Robert DeNiro agree to be in this unholy piece of elephant turd.

I know the Red Sox need pitching desperately, but how weird is this offer:

The Sox this week offered center fielder Coco Crisp to the White Sox for left-handed All-Star Mark Buehrle, perhaps hoping that Buehrle’s recent struggles might persuade White Sox GM Kenny Williams to move him. But the White Sox turned the deal down.

Coco Crisp is one of GM Theo Epstein’s gems. The Sox signed him to a $15.5 million, three-year contract extension, with an option for 2010, as soon as the season started. Management has plastered his face over Boston (though the Fenway Faithful still seems to be reserving its judgment). Admittedly, he hasn’t thrived in Boston. But he hasn’t tanked either. Still, who’s going to play center for the Sox if they dump Coco “I’m the newest member of Red Sox Nation” Crisp?

It’s not that I think Crisp should stay. It’s not that I don’t want a 27-year old All-Star lefty (even one whose ERA is 11.48 in his last five starts). I’m just surprised. Stunned, even. Theo, you maverick.