A Rookie of the Year Award and  a World Series ring in 2007, an AL MVP Award and a six-year contract in 2008 — Dustin Pedroia has gotten more hardware his first two years in the majors than a lot of Hall of Fame-caliber players have done in their entire careers.

So what does Pedroia the Destroyah want to do next*?

How about….

….salsa!

Yes, salsa:

Now I love me some salsa — and this salsa was pretty tasty, what with all the black beans and corn and stuff — but come on. That is the gringo-iest salsa I have seen since Paul Newman’s attempt. Stick to baseball, Dustin. Leave the salsa to the the pros.

*Actually, this is not technically what Pedey is doing “next.” This is what he did “before.” All the same, hopefully now that he’s making nearly $7 million a year he can leave the condiments alone.

You might have seen Nick, Coley, and Sarah’s MVP picks already. If not, then you probably should. Because only then will you be able to appreciate how much better mine are.

Call me VORPy. I believe that “most valuable” means that you were the best in that year. I do not think it’s rational to expect great players to be able to turn turd-ish teammates into 30HR-threats. And I like pie.

So please keep all of these things in mind as I take my crack at my list of MVP-worthy players in the AL and NL. And if any hate mail results from this, I will not read it unless it is accompanied by a slice of pie.

American League

#4: Dustin Pedroia - I don’t know if I have a bias for or against Pedroia. For one, he’s a Red Sox which is a negative (ducking as Sarah justifiably takes a digital swing at my head across the vast world of the interwebs). On the other hand, he’s about my size and as such is totally relatable. Plus, as a former second baseman myself, I appreciate how deftly he handles the position. So I think those two irrational sides cancel each other out. What we’re left with is a guy tied for sixth in AL Win Shares and third in Runs Created despite the fact that he plays a skill position.

#3: Roy Halladay - In a year where no AL hitter distinctively separated himself from the pack, I think it’s only right to recognize what Halladay did. Although Cliff Lee beat him for the ERA and Wins titles, Halladay was right behind him. But what puts Doc over the top is how well he performed over so many innings. His 2.78 ERA is only fully appreciated when one considers the fact that Halladay threw 22.67 more innings than any other pitcher in the AL. That’s over three more games total than Lee who’s second on that list. I don’t know about you, but I like the idea of having a guy with such a low ERA pitching instead of a crappy bullpen. How’s that for value? It should also be mentioned that Halladay finished third in strikeouts, fifth in hits allowed per nine, third in walks per nine, and of course, racked up Complete Games.

#2: Joe Mauer - It’s not just that he has a “very pretty” OBP. He led the AL in Win Shares. I don’t know when was the last time a catcher accomplished this. And while it may be odd for an MVP-candidate to have less than 10 HRs, the man still slugged .451 playing half his games in the Metrodome, which was one of the worst places for hitters in 2008. And with his second batting title in three years, he’s now the first catcher in the American League history to win two of those. The first catcher to win one AL batting title was, of course, Joe Mauer in 2006. Plus, Mauer also led the league in WPA (Win Probability Added) and led all catchers in defensive Win Shares this year as well.

#1: Grady Sizemore - Is there anything this man can’t do well? Power (sixth in HRs), plate patience (third in walks), base stealing skills (38 SBs in 43 attempts), and defense (4th in Revized Zone Rating among CFers and second in Out of Zone plays made). Add it all up and you get just a great centerfielder who finished fourth in Win Shares and second in VORP, which doesn’t even counting his strong defensive contributions.

National League:

#4: Carlos Beltran - If you think that I did a top 4 instead of a top 3 just so that I can get Beltran on this list (say it with me in your best Ed McMahon voice!), you - are - co-rrrrect, sir!!! I’m actually beginning to worry about my propensity to blabber on about this guy. Despite his HR total being lower this year, he still hit well enough to finish in the top 10 in VORP, Runs Created, and extra-base hits. He was third in Win Shares and sixth in walks. And we haven’t even begun to talk about his baserunning skills and defense in center. Although he was only 7th in Revized Zone Rating among NL CFers, he more than makes up for it by easily making the most Out of Zone plays (seriously, it’s not even close).

#3: Lance Berkman - I think it’s odd how little attention has been paid to the Big Puma. Top-5 in BA, OBP, SLG, Runs Scored, Adjusted OPS, Runs Created, Extra Base Hits, and in doing all this also ended up with the most Win Shares in the National League. Played a great first base to boot. It’s really not his fault that Brad Ausmus OPSed BELOW .600. He was a player having a great season on a mediocre team.

#2: Hanley Ramirez - This one hurts. How could I possibly put Han-Ram over Beltran? He deserves it, that’s why. Offensively, Ramirez had a similar season as he did in 2007 - a bit better in OBP, a bit worse in SLG. Didn’t come all that close in SBs, but increased his homerun output. But what I appreciated most about him this year was how much better he had become defensively. His Revised Zone Rating improved dramatically from .773 to .840 (god-awful to very good), and was seventh in Out of Zone. Last year, the only knock I had on him was his defense. Now, I got nothing. He hit 33 HRs. No other shortstop in MLB came close (Hardy was second with 24). He OPSed .940. No other shortstop was even within .100 points of the guy. He’s undoubtedly the best SS in baseball.

#1: Albert Pujols - I know. Ho-hum. But no matter how contrarian I may want to be sometimes, there’s just no way I can deny Pujols this. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Nick and Coley have already given you their MVP picks. Here are mine:

First, the American League. The runners-up:

Grady Sizemore. Smart stats love this guy, despite his crappy average this year: he was second in the AL in VORP and first in Runs Created. He also tied for fifth in homers. But it was all wasted because the Indians were so bad. Oh well.

Carlos Quentin. Let this be a lesson to him next time he wants to break his wrist to spite his bat (or whatever).

Aubrey Huff. If David Ortiz can’t win it as a DH, then Huff won’t. But you know, he finished 4th in the league in VORP, 5th in OPS and RC, and 3rd in SLG. I just thought I’d mention it, because unless you live in the 21201area code, you might have missed it.

Kevin Youkilis. Tell me if I’m wrong, but I think he was the only guy to finish in the top ten in VORP, RC, AVG, OBP, SLG, and OPS. That’s pretty badass. Plus, he plays gold-glove worthy first base and can easily slide across the diamond to play third. Heck, you can even stick him in the outfield. Terrible facial hair, though.

But there can be only one winner, and that person is…..

Dustin Pedroia. No, he’s not the trendy pick–at least, not among the baseball eggheads who are sick of hearing about the Red Sox and their annoyingly good players and just plain annoying (but devoted!) fans. (Screw you too, jerkface!) But Pedroia had 73 extra-base hits this year (including 17 HR) this year to Joe Mauer’s* 44 (including 9 HR). Mauer, the catcher, has 1 stolen base and 1 caught-stealing. Pedroia, no real speedster, has 20 stolen bases and was also caught once. (How did he do that if he doesn’t have real wheels? The old-fashioned way: using his brain.) Pedroia led the league in runs, tied for first in hits (213), came in second by just .004 .002 [edit: after game 163] in batting average, finished third in runs created (while Mauer finished 18th there), and was fourth in total bases (with Mauer tied for 33rd). Pedroia also finished third in the AL in VORP (to Mauer’s 7th-place finish) behind Alex Rodriguez and Grady Sizemore, whose teams failed to make the playoffs this year. He played in 157 games and quietly drove in 140** runs while playing an acrobatic second base and energizing a team that suffered demoralizing injuries to their ace pitcher, cleanup hitter, and 2007 World Series MVP—while also coping with the tantrum and subsequent ouster of their most productive hitter. Without Dustin Pedroia, does anyone seriously think the Red Sox would have even made the playoffs? He’s been just as important to their playoff drive as Mauer*** was to the Twins’–and what’s more, he had a better year than Mauer. Case closed.

* I feel obligated to bring up Mauer here because so many people seems to be picking him over Pedroia, not least my colleagues at UmpBump. And look, I’m not one to undervalue a catcher’s contribution to the team, ever. But I honestly don’t know why we’re seriously talking about Mauer for MVP this year at all. (Yes, nice OBP. Very pretty. Well done. Now run along, and try to reach double digits in homers next time.)

**Now, anyone who reads this blog regularly knows that I tend to pooh-pooh RBI as a stat, but keep in mind the context here: Mauer ranked 21st in MLB in RBI opportunities. Pedroia ranked 40th. But Mauer somehow finished with just 85 RBI to Pedroia’s 140. And those who would tout Mauer’s admittedly admirable ability to take a walk, I’d like to point out that despite this ability, Mauer grounded into 21 double plays–four more than the contact-prone Pedroia. And it’s not like Pedroia just swings at anything; he’s even a bit tougher to strike out than Mauer.

***To me, it’s a wash whether it’s more “valuable” to keep your team from failing when everyone expects them to succeed or to help your team succeed when everyone expects them to fail.

On to the NL. First, the doomed-to-fail runners-up:

Ryan Howard. As Coley pointed out, he led the NL in both homers and RBI, and his team did make the playoffs. But I include him only out of a feeling of obligation.

Hanley Ramirez. As Nick pointed out, he’s the young player every GM and fantasy owner would love to have. He carried the Marlins through a surprisingly good year. His time will come.

Lance Berkman. He had a great year–114 runs scored, second in RC, third in OPS and OBP, fourth in VORP. He also had 29 homers and, somewhat surprisingly, 18 steals. But the funny thing is, there are so many guys ahead of him on the home run list–Howard, Adam Dunn, Carlos Delgado, etc and etc–that his great year just isn’t good enough.

Chipper Jones. Now here‘s an AVG and OBP worth writing home about: .364 and .470, respectively, plus he was one of only two players in the NL to OPS over 1.000.

And yet there is only one clear winner here. And that is the other guy to OPS over 1.000. Who is…

Albert Pujols, despite his crappy team (hey, they would’ve won the NL West!), he clearly deserves the NL MVP and it’s not even close. He’s first in VORP, first in RC, first in OPS, second in OBP, and [yawn] first in SLG. Really, the guy is sick. There’s just nothing more to say.

It’s time for each member of the umpbump staff to make his or her MVP picks. Nick went first. Now it’s my turn. Buckle up — it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

American League

Rob Neyer says 30 win shares is a good baseline for an MVP caliber season and if he’s right than we’ve got a problem, because not one single player had 30 win shares in the AL this season. Still, I’ve got to pick someone, so I guess I’ll go with…

3. Alex Rodriguez, 3B, Yankees. In 100 fewer at bats, he hit only two fewer home runs than league leader Miguel Cabrera. His .573 slugging percentage led the league, and his .964 OPS was fourth. Defensively, he had the highest fielding percentage among AL third basemen, and he got to more balls outside his zone than any AL 3B other than Adrian Beltre. Oh, and he stole 18 bases.

2. Dustin Pedroia, 2B, Red Sox. He was third in runs created in the AL this season, behind Grady Sizemore and Josh Hamilton. His .325 batting average was second in the league. He stole 20 bases and only got caught once. He was arguably the best defensive second baseman in the league, and he gets extra credit for being adorable.

1. Joe Mauer, C, Twins. I don’t have much to add beyond what Nick said. This guy is the best all around player in the game. He’s not only one of the best defensive catchers in baseball, but he is one of the best defensive player overall. This season, Kurt Suzuki led the majors with 9.3 defensive win shares. Mauer came in second with 8.2. That’s not second among only catchers. That’s all positions. To do what he does defensively and also lead the league in hitting makes for an obvious MVP selection, as far as I’m concerned.

National League

This year’s NL MVP selection is complicated a bit by the enigmatic Ryan Howard, who managed to lead the league in home runs and RBI — by a lot — while maintaining an anemic .250 batting average. How do you not vote for a guy who led the league in homers and RBI? This is how…

3. Chase Utley, 2B, Phillies. He’s tied for fourth in the league with 27 win shares and eighth in defensive win shares. He’s fifth in the league in runs created. Utley’s season stalled after a torrid April. The media speculated that he was playing hurt. Utley denied it, saying he wasn’t injured beyond the usual bumps and bruises that a player accrues over the course of a season. But what a lot of fans don’t know is that Utley’s bruises are more plentiful than most. He was hit by a pitch 27 times this season — almost twice as many HBPs as anybody else. He does whatever it takes to win. And he’s an above average defensive second baseman.

2. Lance Berkman, 1B, Astros. I’m having a hard time not voting for Berkman for MVP, just because he clearly had an MVP calliber year. He had four more win shares than anyone in the NL, including Albert Pujols. But that’s about the only metric I can find that favors Berkman.

1. Albert Pujols, 1B, Cardinals. He was the man. He led the league in OPS and runs created. He was second in batting average and OBP, behind Chipper Jones. He walked nearly twice as often as he struck out. Moreover, as Jayson Stark point out, Pujols “racked up almost twice as many intentional walks (33) as anybody else in the league and only 46 percent of the pitches thrown to him have been in the strike zone.” That’s an MVP.

It’s that time of year.  Time to bring you umpbump’s picks for MVP! Here’s who I tabbed for the sport’s most prestigious award:

American League

It was a really odd down year for MVP candidates - only three players OPS’d over .900!

3. Carlos Quentin, OF, White Sox

Not too many people expected the White Sox to contend this year, but Carlos Quentin emerged, seemingly out of nowhere, and absolutely carried this team of aging and inconsistent veterans on his back all year. Despite missing the last month of the season due to a freakish hand injury, he still wound up with 36 home runs and 100 RBI, and the collapse of the White Sox following his absense proved just how valuable he truly was for them.  But players who miss the most crucial month of the season can’t ultimately be MVP, so Quentin winds up third in my vote.

2. Dustin Pedroia, 2B, Red Sox

Who would have thought that little mighty mite Dustin Pedroia would wind up this season third in the American League in runs created, a stat usually dominated by massive, slugging first basemen and corner outfield types?  But it’s true - in a year in which David Ortiz sucked for a while and then got hurt, and Manny got traded, Dustin Pedroia was the best and most consistent player on a very good Red Sox team.  I mean, he batted .325.  OBP’d .375 and slugged .493. As a second baseman. He played in 158 games and only made 6 errors all season. Not to mention that nobody can stop raving about what a good clubhouse presence he is.

But one player did more…

1. Joe Mauer, C, Minnesota Twins

Joe Mauer is a catcher who just played in 145 games this season. That alone is pretty valuable. But we are also talking about a catcher who just won his second batting title in three years, with a batting average of .330. He also put up an OBP of .415 and scored 97 runs with 83 RBI.  Getting that kind of offensive production out of a catcher across 144 games is not just valuable, it’s a gift from the gods. But we also have to remember that Joe Mauer is also the best defensive catcher in the game these days too!  We are talking about a guy who has a career caught stealing line of 41 percent.  As I said when I voted for Joe Mauer as MVP 2 years ago, what we are seeing now in Joe Mauer is something like watching a cross between Mike Piazza on offense and Ivan Rodriguez on defense, when they were both in their primes. Mauer wasn’t quite as good this year as he was in 2006, but in a down year for AL sluggers and on a team he led to the brink of the playoffs when nobody expected it following the Santana trade, Joe Mauer gets the nod.

National League

It’s hard to vote for MVP the conventional way in the National League this season, just picking the best player on one of the 4 playoff teams, because none of the playoff bound teams had a guy put up truly MVP-type numbers.

3. Russell Martin, C, Dodgers

While it’s true that the Dodgers wouldn’t be in the playoffs if they hadn’t traded for Manny Ramirez, they also would not be there without Russell Martin.  The guy is even more durable than Joe Mauer, playing in a ridiculous 153 games, and putting up nearly Mauer-esque offensive production with a .386 OBP and 90 walks to go along with 13 homers and 18 stolen bases - a pretty awesome haul to get out of your catcher. Among NL catchers Brian McCann and Geovanny Soto outslug Martin, but they can’t match his OBP or his durability.

2. Hanley Ramirez, SS, Marlins

Is there any player in baseball that you would rather build a new team around right now than Hanley Ramirez? You’d be a fool if you named any other player because this guy is a shortstop who does absolutely everything you would want, hitting for tremendous average, power, and OBP, playing surprisingly improved defense, and stealing bases at will.  His OPS of .943 was more than 100 points higher than that of the next best shortstop in baseball. All this and he is still only 24 years old.

1. Albert Pujols, 1B, Cardinals

Only one player in all of baseball put up truly elite numbers this season, and his numbers are so much better than everyone else, you feel like he’s ready to be called up to a higher league, if there were one. His OPS is 1.112, 70 points higher than the next best player in all of baseball, Chipper Jones, and Pujols played in 20 more games than Jones. The man is an MVP machine, and this year he is one of the easiest MVP picks in memory.

It’s a gorgeous late-summer day (at least it is here in New England) and you, young sir (or miss) should be playing outside. But since you’re not, here’s a fresh roundup of links:

Shaun Marcum has been optioned to Triple-A Syracuse, swapping roster spots with lefty John Parrish. I figured it was a chance for Toronto’s future No. 2 to recover from his recent struggles and get ready for next year. But no: J.P. Ricciardi is positioning the move as a chance to get Marcum right so that the Jays can make their–excuse me–playoff run. Toronto is 12.5 back in the division and 8 back in the wild card.

Red Sox hurler Clay Buchholz was also recently optioned to the minors–but to Double-A. The Eck says we won’t be seeing The Buck any time soon.

In other AL East-playoff-hunt news, Rays fans are pissed that despite holding a 4.5 game lead over the Red Sox going into today’s action, and a dominating 10.5 game lead over the New York Yankees, they are commanding only a Rodney Dangerfield-esque amount of respect from the Worldwide Leader. Today’s game against the White Sox is also the first time in more than five years that a Tampa Bay game has been featured on Fox. (Some teams have all the luck.)

Management guru Warren Bennis has some stern words for Frank McCourt.

Yet another CC-to-NY post. I know money talks, but from everything I’ve seen and heard, Sabathia is not interested in playing in New York. He’s probably not interested in coming to Boston, either, but it’s worth noting that the Red Sox will also have plenty of money to spend this winter with Manny off the books. Since Curt Schilling didn’t throw a meaningful pitch all year, with Buchholz struggling all season, and with Josh Beckett looking like a mere mortal this year, Boston will be almost as motivated as New York to sign the ace. I say “almost” because the Sox still have a shot at making the playoffs.

How do you spell something wrong on a jersey?

UmpBump PSA: One young player at the NYBC is growing his hair long to donate it to Locks of Love. It’s commonly reported that Locks of Love is a charity that uses donated hair to make wigs for kids with cancer, but most of their patients actually suffer from alopecia areata, a genetic condition that results in hair loss. Either way, it sucks to be bald when you’re still only a kid. I’ve donated hair to the group, and their website has a very easy to read FAQ telling you how to do it if you’re interested. If you’re thinking of a post-summer chop and you’ve got 10 inches to spare, why not donate it to someone who can use it?

From the too-good-to-not-share file, Papi on Pedroia:

“He’s the best. He’s the best of the best. He’s the best thing that ever happened to this ballclub,” Ortiz said. “He’s a [expletive] great kid, dude. He’s the best. I love him. It’s great, man. I talk about Pedroia all the time to everybody because of how little he is and the way he plays the game.

“And I’ll be like, ‘Dude, seriously, he’s a bad little kid.’ Pedroia is always going to be like a 16- or 17-year-old because he’s little and he’s got a baby face, but he just rakes. Dude, he comes up with some lines, and you’ll be laughing. He hit a ball off the Green Monster once, and he came back to the dugout and said to me, ‘Hey, Big Punish, you know it’s going to rain, right?’ And I was like, ‘Why?’ He goes, ‘Didn’t you just see the lightning show?’”

Usually, I’d wait until Friday for your procrastinatory reading of the week. But seeing as how many of you will be calling in sick tomorrow (coughcough! hackwheeze! sniffle!), let’s get to those links today.

Babes Love Baseball has the new SI cover and it’s….bizarro!

Walkoff Walk has an amazingly destructive Albert Pujols leaving nothing but carnage in his wake. Gaslamp Ball has the pictures.

Home Run Derby has video of CC Sabathia farting. Hey, we try to put in a little something for everyone in these posts.

Bus Leagues Baseball wants you to help come up with a nickname for Jay Bruce. “The Bruise,” anyone?

Call of the Green Monster has breaking news: already-diminutive Sox infielder Dustin Pedroia seems to be shrinking.

River Ave Blues makes a strong case for using instant replay to get home run calls right, on the heels of yet another blown call. Earlier this week it was Delgado. During the 2007 ALCS, it was Manny, with the 390 foot “single.” Who else has to get robbed just so we can preserve the “human element”?

The Hardball Times takes the media to task for dismissing the Bonds/collusion whispers as conspiracy theories. For the record, I’ve also dismissed those whispers. But this post is the first thing I’ve read that has made me think again.

DRaysBay makes the case that Tampa Bay has the best 1-2 punch in the AL East. In case you’re keeping score at home, there’s only a week left of May and the Rays are just two games out of first place.

Joe Posnanski has another curiously long post touching on, in no particular order, Mike Piazza, Yaz, and whether Pedro Martinez’s 9 perfect innings should count as a perfect game. He notes that after he wrote this column, in which he included Pedro on a list of great no-hitter hurlers, he received a number of emails from people (including yours truly) saying, “Hey, wait a minute! that’s not technically a perfect game!” Joe posits that while that is technically true, he considers it a no-hitter, “record books be damned,” since Pedro pitched 9 perfect innings (he gave up a double in the 10th). I kind of like the idea that we can damn the record books and restore a perfect game to Pedro, a great pitcher who never seems to get any real run support. However, I think this is dangerous—for instance, can we say that Varitek has called five no-nos because he actually called for the right pitch in Curt Schilling’s eight-and-two-thirds bid last year? I mean, Tek was sure Shannon Stewart was swinging. He called for the slider. Schilling was equally sure Stewart was taking. He wanted to throw heat. Schilling threw a fastball, Stewart swung, and there went history. (Incidentally, Pedro also shook off Tek in the 9th inning of his no-hit bid in 2000. Tek called for a curveball. Pedro, like Schilling, insisted on throwing the fastball. He gave up a single.) To me, that game in 2007 and Pedro’s games in 1995 and 2000 are just examples of those bittersweet moments in sports where greatness just slips away. As Schilling put it last year, “I get a big ‘what if’ for the rest of my life.” And so does Pedro. But maybe I’m full of crap. What do you guys think?

And finally, if you’ve got the extra coin, you can get a Marlins World Series ring on ebay for the buy-it-now price of $6,250.00.

Oh, and I’m going to shamelessly plug my own Boston Metro column too. It’s weird, I wrote this post on Lester’s no-hitter first, and then decided I wanted to write a Metro column on it too. It’s damn hard to write about the same thing twice and find something new to say!

What else should I be reading? Email me!

To be properly called a “gamer,” a ballplayer must be possessed of several crucial characteristics, most vitally the twelve listed below. It is the contention of this post that Dustin Pedroia fits all these essential criteria, and is, potentially, baseball’s newest Ultimate Gamer:

1) Dirty uniform. I don’t think I have ever seen Pedroia’s uniform clean. It attracts dirt like it’s a giant dirt magnet. Gamer? You betcha.

2) Small stature. If you are over 5′10″ tall, you are too big to be a gamer. Pedroia is listed at 5′9″, but those of us with the power of sight know better. Total gamer.

3) Inability to regularly hit for power. No gamer would ever hit 20 homers in a season. However, gamers do hit homers in key postseason games:

4) Can-do spirit. With Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek out with the flu, the Red Sox have played their last three games with only Kevin Cash available to catch. But Dustin Pedroia has volunteered to be the emergency catcher, should something happen to Cash. What a freakin’ gamer.

5) Hustle. Pedroia slid head-first into first base tonight, beating out the throw. Gamer alert! Next batter? David Ortiz, tattooing one into the right field seats to tie the game.

6) Helmet-banging/bat-tossing. Essence of any self-respecting gamer.

7) Knowing how to party. Pedroia’s got this locked down, with shirtless dancing (the “DADDY” scrawled on his chest only adds to the gamerishness) and impromptu bartending.

8) Permanent five o’clock shadow. Gamers don’t have time to shave every day. They’re too busy rocking out, hustling, and rubbing dirt all over their uniforms. Plus, they have so much testosterone, that the stubble regenerates fifteen minutes after they’ve shaved anyway.

9) Self-sacrifice. One of Peter Gammons’ favorite stories: in college, Dustin Pedroia gave up his scholarship so that his team, the ASU Sun Devils, could go out and recruit some pitchers. After Pedroia had already gone pro, those new pitchers and Pedroia’s old teammates made it to the college world series and all wore his initials on their hats. Gimme a G-A-M-E-R!

10) Playing in pain, but not sucking. Pedroia played through the last two months of the 2007 season with a cracked hamate bone. He OPSed .832 during the playoffs. Gutty.

11) Leadership/spark-pluggishness. Last year, Dustin was a wee rookie and thus acted as the team’s ’spark plug’ in dark moments. Now that he’s entering his second year in the majors, he’s becoming more of a ‘clubhouse leader.’ But he’s still wee. Because he’s a gamer.

12) Terrible local television commercials. This is the essence of a gamer, right here. How much intestinal fortitude do you think it took to grit this out?

[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/PAUU-bC4yOg" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

And of course, to be called a gamer, a player has to be white. As you can see, Pedroia is gamerishly pasty.

David Eckstein, watch your back! There’s a new King Gamer in town!