UmpBump’s Week 10 Fantasy Results

Our UmpBump Fantasy League is getting tighter and tighter in the standings. Comfortable leads are now slimming down. Two owners have already made a combined 93 roster moves. which may be a record. But then again, with so many notable players hitting the DL over the past week (John Smoltz, Ryan Zimmerman, David Ortiz, Carlos Pena, Rickie Weeks, Jeremy Bonderman, Aaron Hill, and the indispensable Clete Thomas), it’s looking like a necessity…

Alejandro: So how’s it going? Good? Well? Swell? Great, I’m fine; just dandy. D’you see those White Sox? Boy that Ozzie Guillen can really get under his team’s skin, and boy do they respond! Ok fine, I didn’t want to do it, but I guess I have to talk about my fantasy team. I’m so good I don’t wanna talk about it lest I jinx it. I was this close to losing in week 9, but last week I just brought it, and my Center Field Stud whopped freebase my balls (yes that’s the name) 11-1. That lone loss came as a result of a 2.91 ERA, which was obviously not enough to beat balls’ 2.59. But really, my offense was firing on all cylinders. I mean, I had guys on the bench who were racking up stats. My pitching was decent, B.J. Ryan blew a save and had a balloon-like 16.20 ERA (I wonder if that’s what prevented a perfect 12-0?). And Mark Hendrickson seems to be coming back to earth. Don’t look now, but that first place seems awfully close at 7.5 games ahead. Hot: Dan Uggla, Chipper Jones, Hanley Ramirez, Jermaine Dye, Josh Beckett, Tim Lincecum, Kerry Wood (hot!!), Gavin Floyd, Jon Garland. Notable mildness: Eric Chavez. Not: Mark Hendrickson, B.J. Ryan, Alex Gordon (trade anyone?).

Coley: This week my team put a 9-3 beat down on Montefusco’s Revenge, a feat that is made more amazing by the fact that I had to overcome Oliver Perez’s 162.00 ERA. Overcome it I did, and Perez is now on the waiver wire. That’s the good news. The bad news is that, moments after trading away Todd Helton for Rich Harden, Carlos Pena hit the DL. All of a sudden I found myself sans a first basemen AND an extra infielder. So I picked up Mark Teahen and Carlos Delgado and they’ll just have to do until Pena and Chone Figgins return from the DL. Now my only problem is what to do with Jorge Posada. He’s back and he’s looking healthy, but I am perfectly content with Bengie Molina. I’ve tried to trade Posada but so far there have been no takers. Should I cut him? I just can’t bring myself to do it. Hot: Milton Bradley, Johnny Damon, Yunel Escobar. Not: Oliver Perez, Brandon Phillips.

Sarah: The Green Sox took a 6-5 squeaker last week over team caitlin grace, who goes all-lowercase, e.e. cummings-style. Embarassingly, she’s last in our league, hasn’t logged in in nearly a month, and has made zero roster moves all season long. But a win is a win, and this one marked an important milestone for my team: I finally won the saves category. With John Smoltz out for the season, I’m hoping the Braves will give my Rafael Soriano a long leash. With Pedro Martinez coming off the DL, I spent much of the week trying to find a taker for a pitcher to clear a space on my roster, but had no luck. Then Vernon Wells came off the DL and Rickie Weeks went on, necessitating even more maneuvering. Ultimately, I dropped Dana Eveland, Hong Chih Kuo, and Santiago Casilla and added Joel Zumaya and Akinori Iwamura. Hot: J.D. Drew, David Murphy (though the poor kid never gets a chance to play for me—trade anyone?), Vernon Wells, Ian Kinsler, Troy Glaus. Not: Andy Pettitte (I thought it was safe to pitch him against the Royals!), Matt Cain, Jacoby Ellsbury.

Paul: My high school gym teacher, the legendary John Donodeo, used to say, “a tie is like kissing your sister!” Mr. Donodeo, that’s just gross. I really think I’d just rather tie. And so would 98% of god-fearing Americans (statistic not applicable in West Virginia, Alabama, Mississippi, and Philadelphia). But I did manage to pull off a draw this week against the team whose name is most difficult to type, Box89RowKKSeat14 (Ania). My offense was dominated but my pitching staff picked up the slack. That’s not to say that all my bats were silent. Brian Roberts, Edwin Encarnacion, and Shane Victorino did their best, but the only category I won on offense was Runs Scored. On the mound, the only pitcher who stumbled was Cliff Lee, and he still picked up a win despite allowing six runs in five innings (proof #876,329,861,734,896 that Wins are an arbitrary stat). But Scott Kazmir just keeps rolling. Have you seen just how good he’s been? He began the year late due to an injury, but since his return, he’s pitched 45 innings, averaging almost 10Ks per 9IP, less than 3 walks per 9, allowing a mere (but unsustainable) .22 HRs per game, a 0.91 WHIP and 1.40 ERA. On a totally, completely and utterly unrelated note, the Mets are 7.5 games back in the NL East and Victor Zambrano is sporting a 9.45 ERA. In Colorado Springs. AAA. Excuse me, I need to go get a tissue. Hot: Brian Roberts, Edwin Encarnacion, Shane Victorino, Trevor Hoffman, George Sherrill, Scott Kazmir. Not: Geovany Soto, David Wright, Jhonny Peralta, Cliff Lee.

Standings, with games behind:

1. Paul (ElDuquesInjuryReport) (0)
2. Scott (Utley’s Firm Quads) (3.5)
3. Doug (Swamp Dragons) (5)
4. Alejandro (Center Field Stud) (7.5)
5. Sarah (Somerville Green Sox) (13.5)
6. Kirk (Montefusco’s Revenge) (23)
7. Bryan (Pirates in 08!) (24.5)
8. Ania (Box89RowKKSeat14) (26.5)
9. Larry (croutchyoldman) (26.5)
10. Coley (Crunkball All Stars) (28.5)
11. Sooze (freebase my balls) (34.5)
12. Caitlin (caitlin grace) (35)