It’s not offical yet, but word on the street is that that Rays have dealt outfielder Elijah Dukes to the Nationals.

Here’s what the St. Pete Times says:

There is plenty of circumstantial evidence that Dukes has been dealt, including word that Nationals GM Jim Bowden was overheard on his cell phone yesterday at the airport talking to someone named “Elijah.” Both teams have scheduled announcements at 5 p.m.

The Times goes on to say that the trade explains why Dukes hasn’t played since his latest eruption after being ejected from a Dominican League game on Thursday night.

`Yes, that’s right. Dukes was ejected from a game in the Dominican League. Why is Dukes playing in the Dominican Republic? To rehabilitate his image. To prove to the world that he’s not a complete maniac. To show that he can play baseball without flipping out and having to slap a bitch.

And he got tossed.

And now he’s going to D.C.

Jim Bowden, you are a maverick. You have assembled the most fruit loops crazy roster in professional sports. If you consider yourself in any way, shape or form a baseball fan, you have to be excited about the 2008 Nationals.

Elijah Dukes. Dmitri Young. Lastings Milledge. All on the same team.

I think I speak for the entire blogosphere when I say, “Amen.”

For those of you who missed it (where the hell were you?), last week, we here at UmpBump nominated 27 deserving men to be the first ever recipients of The Douchies, an award that finally recognizes the douchiness of certain individuals employed by Major League Baseball. Close to 500 of you cast a total of 1746 votes in our four categories and I have to say, some of the results were surprising.

So here they are! Your winners of the 1st Annual Douchie Awards!

The Reggie Jackson Award for Best Display of Attention Grabbing is named after a man who has attained mythical stature as an attention-whore during his playing career. He was the forebearer to the modern, preening baseball player, putting the size of the contract ahead of most anything else. This award will be presented to the person who best personified Mr. Jackson’s penchant to run after the spotlight no matter what cost.

And the winner is…

Read the rest of this entry »

Buried within this article about Aubrey Huff is the news that Elijah Dukes of the Tampa Bay Devil Rays somehow became the first base coach in last night’s game played by the Charlotte County Redish of the South Coast League, which is a team managed by former big league slugger Cecil Fielder. Which got me thinking…

A List of Things You Learn as a Charlotte County Redfish When Your Manager is Cecil Fielder and Your Coach is Elijah Dukes:

1. The four major food groups: Fried, Creamed, Carameled, and Twice-Fried
2. How to hold your head up high even after striking out 182 times in a season.
3. How to gamble away more than $47 million and leave your wife and children with the bill as you shack up with another woman and evade creditors.
4. How to promise your 18-year old son that you will negotiate his first pro baseball contract and then help yourself to a $200,000 cut without his knowledge. You know, because of the gambling debt.
5. How to properly throw a Gatorade bottle at a seventeen-year old girl you just impregnated.
6. How to scare the bejeezus out of children by storming into a middle school and threatening their teacher who happens to be your wife.
7. The correct language to use when leaving a message on your wife’s cell phone warning her that you will kill her and your children.
8. How to properly execute “The Wheel” play when fielding a bunt.