Drunk, belligerent Al Reyes to arresting officer: “Don’t tase me, bro!” (DRaysBay)

In other booze news, Drunk Jays Fans is having a healthy debate about all those…drunk…Jays…fans. How apt.

El Lefty Malo has an intriguing suggestion for Barry Zito: send him down.

Fire Joe Morgan took their sarcastic snark to new heights yesterday with YouTube. Epic.

I love reading CenterField. This woman has gone above and beyond to bring us the video of Jonathan Papelbon’s asstastic Dunkin Donuts commerical. I have been waiting for this moment all week!

There’s a reason UmpBumper Nick didn’t join our fantasy league. “You guys have to understand, fantasy sports is like crack to me,” he confessed. “Once I start, I can’t stop.” Sound familiar to any of you? Well, here’s a way to save yourself from yourself. (RotoNation)

Edgar Renteria apparently likes getting booed now (”When the fans boo me, that’s real exciting”) reports the Boston Herald. That’s not what he said when he left Boston for the Braves, when he said that an early booing by Red Sox fans caused him to put too much pressure on himself. “I don’t know if [the fans] were looking for 30 homers, like Garciaparra in the past did, but it was crazy,” he kvetched at the time, adding “I had never been booed in my career.” We weren’t looking for thirty homers. We just didn’t want thirty errors.

The Red Sox and the homers they hit, from Me and Pedro. An excellent chuckle (at least for Sox fans).

Since 1956, only 5 pitchers have gone their first three starts without giving up a run. Today, tomorrow, and Sunday, three pitchers will try to match this feat—Ben Sheets, Oliver Perez, and Kyle Lohse. Get the details from Baseball Reference’s Stat of the Day.

Doug Glanville’s writing a guest column for the NYT this season.

Also, there’s a Red Sox t-shirt buried under the new Yankee Stadium.

Thank you, that is all.

Baseball season is underway in Philadelphia. How do you know it is?

From the Philadelphia Inquirer:

It was dollar-dog night, and fans at the sold-out park - presumably not fervent Nationals fans fired up about their city’s first 3-0 start since 1951 - threw hot dogs, drinks and bottles onto the field afterward.

Debris nearly struck reliever Ryan Madson as he entered the dugout.

It’s like Groundhog Day in Philly. Every year, the team gets off to a terrible start. And every year, they spend the rest of the season trying to climb out of a hole. Last year, they managed to overcome their deficit — with a lot of help from the Mets. A lot of help.

So far this season, the Phils have looked hell-bent on living up to all of our greatest fears. Brett Myers was bad in his first start. Ryan Howard is swinging (and missing) violently. Tom Gordon got lit up on opening day. Pedro Feliz looks lost at the plate (though he did have the Phils’ only hit last night).

I just don’t get why the Phillies can’t get off to a good start. Even the Giants have a win this season! What have Phillies fans done to deserve this shoddy treatment?

Oh, right.