I’ve been waiting to write about this because I was hoping the Phillies would come to their senses. But it looks like they’re actually going to go ahead and let Mitch Williams throw out the first pitch before today’s game between the Phils and Brewers.

It just strikes me as odd that the organization reached out to a guy who has become the symbol of Phillies futility. You don’t see the Cubs asking Steve Bartman to throw out the first pich before their game.

After all, the Phillies aren’t in a situation where, like the Rays, they’re short on worthy first pitch candidates.

Boston brought back Buckner to throw out the first pitch at opening day this year, but that was opening day, not Game 1 of the playoffs. You lose opening day and it’s no big deal. You lose Game 1 and you’re two losses away from the golf course.

True, Williams has polished his image by serving as a capable post-game analyst on local Philadelphia TV. But this hardly seems like the time to roll the dice and let a possibly jinxed former reliever on to the field.

Umpbumpers, what do you think of Wild Thing’s return to the mound?

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Maybe she thought it was like in football, where all the cool people spike the ball?

I love how this clip seems to play into those spoof commercials she’s been doing for MTV. I love how Mariah’s line between what’s “real” and what’s “performance” has become so blurred, yet not in a scary, crazy, out-of-control Britney Spears kind of way—oh no. No, Mariah is driving this campy, vampy train, and the rest of us must just sit back and enjoy the divalicious ride. I love that jacket, too.

But mostly, I love that if I were still at Brown, I could write an entire honors thesis on this one YouTube video.

Yesterday, they said Paul Lo Duca would catch the ceremonial first pitch at the Nationals’ new park, thrown by President George W. Bush.

Today, they said “never mind.” It’ll be somebody else. Anybody else. Maybe Manny Acta.

So what’s wrong with Lo Duca?

I have a few ideas.

Mind you, I don’t live in Washington. I don’t work in politics. But I’ve seen enough episodes of “The West Wing” to know how these things work.

We can assume Lo Duca got vetted. This is common practice. If you’re a member of the public and you’re going to be coming within 100 yards of the president, then they’re going to take a look at your file.

Somebody investigated Lo Duca and raised an objection. The question is who? And why?

Lo Duca’s ouster had to be either politically motivated, or it was over security concerns.

Why would Lo Duca be a political liability? Well, there was that little matter of Lo Duca’s gambling debts, which were said to be sizable. Lo Duca claimed his debts were with offshore bookies, which is illegal. Then there was his very public divorce from his playmate wife and the revelations of his affair with a 19-year old college student.

Why would Lo Duca be a security concern? Did we mention the gambling debts? Two years ago the New York Daily News reported that on at least two occasions, big mafia-type guys attempted to visit Mets catcher at ball parks for the purpose of collecting gambling debts. If guys want to break your legs, you don’t get to hang with the prez.

Is it fair? Maybe not. But that’s the way it is. A guy with Lo Duca’s checkered past simply can’t catch for the President.

Now, if he wants to be president, that’s another story. In fact, his divorce might even help.

UPDATE: Andrew points out that Lo Duca’s inclusion in the Mitchell report probably didn’t make him any more palatable politically. I totally meant to mention that.