So this video of a ball girl making a climbing-up-the-wall catch in a triple A game between the Tacoma Rainers and the Fresno Grizzlies has made the rounds of all the social aggregators (reddit, digg) and the interwebs are circling the wagons on its potential virality. Why?

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Well because it’s a Gatorade commercial.

Earlier this week, I had expressed some concern over the lack of information regarding Parker, the mascot of the Fresno Grizzlies, who had threatened to not come down from the top of Fresno’s tallest building unless the seats were packed for Opening Day.

Today, I learned that Parker’s threat may have actually worked.

I found the mascot’s blog (yes, he has a blog) and saw that not only did he participate in the Opening Day festivities (he’s off the ledge!), but also that the Grizzlies did pack over 13,000 (or so Parker claims) fans. Just to make sure, I looked up the info on Chukchansi Park and learned that it has a seating capacity of 12,500. So unless Parker is the biggest liar since Neil Armstrong (you did nothing of consequence, sir), it was a standing room only event. During which he wore ladies’ clothes. 

So please be assured. Parker is alive. And he’s not crazy in the least. He just likes wearing women’s clothes from time to time.

I’m worried.

I’m worried because I’ve heard rumors of a suicidal* bear. I’m worried because I’m in New York while this particular grizzly lives in Fresno, California so I can’t see for myself what’s going on. But here’s what I know.

Last Monday, the front office executives of the San Francisco Giants AAA-affiliate, the Fresno Grizzlies, received a note. It appeared that just a few short days before the Grizzlies were to host their first home game of the season, their mascot, Parker, went ballistic.

For some reason that’s yet to be fully explained, Parker decided to fortress himself off atop Fresno’s tallest building. His demands were simple.

Pack the house on Opening Day or else. Or something a little less threatening.

Again, I don’t live anywhere near Fresno, so I’ve been relying on the internets to send me information on the status of Parker and his mental well-being. Thus far? Silence.

I’ve been checking Fresno’s game reports every day for the past few days, but not a mention of the attendance at the games nor Parker’s current whereabouts. I can only assume that the lack of information means that Parker’s desperate plea went unheeded, and the crowds did not arrive. Which means that Parker must still be on top of that building. For the eighth day in a row.

Oh the humanity.

So to the front office executives of the Fresno Grizzlies, please let me know what’s happening to Parker. Is someone feeding him? Does he have any books to read? Has he given up yet and thus begun making less difficult demands like asking for tickets to a Jimmy Buffett concert?

I need to know. Thank you.

*Despite the fact that the press release corresponding to this never states that Parker is suicidal, let’s read between the lines, people. This is a bear looking to off himself.