1. Jim Rice is the 21st player to win over 70% of votes in the Hall of Fame balloting but fall short of the 75% needed for election. The other 20 players have all ended up in Cooperstown. (Bugs and Cranks has a great rant on the caprice of BBWAA members and the mysterious rise—and occasional fall—of HOF-eligible players’ vote totals.) Rice has the support of this year’s only inductee, Goose Gossage: “I think Jim Rice does belong in the Hall of Fame. No hitter scared me, but Jim Rice came the closest.” As for Nick’s contention that Rice has no place in the Hall, I clearly disagree. But Nick’s post has convinced me that Dwight Evans belongs in Cooperstown as well, something I was on the fence about previously. Come on, Veterans Comittee!

2. What with all the Roger Clemens coverage, the NFL playoffs, and this little election-thingy going on right now, you might have missed this story, but the new Yankee Stadium is going to cost New York taxpayers a pretty penny—including $70 million for free VIP valet parking. Even more irksome to New Yorkers, while the poobahs will get 40 years of parking courtesy of the taxpayers, Joe Yankeefan will still have to pay out of his own pocket. That’s preposterous. However, I must throw cold water on the notion that fans are being gouged by a rate increase from $14 to $17 this year, and again to $19 at the new stadium in 2009, and up to $35 bucks by 2014. Most of the parking at Fenway is already at least $30. Yankee fans, suck it up.

3. After a successful workout for several teams in LA and offers from “three or four” clubs, Gabe Kapler has chosen to play for the Brewers next year. He’ll get 800k. Kapler managed Boston’s Single A affiliate last year to an uninspiring record of 58-81.

“Gabe brings versatility and athleticism to the outfield position,” said Brewers GM Doug Melvin. “He has always been a great teammate and possesses the determination to bounce back and become a valuable player to our club.”

This also elevates the already impressive hotness quotient of the Milwaukee Brewers, who field such eye candy as dreamy-eyed third baseman Ryan Braun and cutie-patootie Prince Fielder.

4. Also in the former-Red-Sox-making-a-comeback category, MLBTradeRumors reports that at least the Diamondbacks will be watching as Keith Foulke throws later this month. As for the idea that Foulke “may have special interest in” the Red Sox, I can guarantee right now that the Red Sox will not have any interest, special or otherwise, in Keith Foulke, who is (perhaps unfairly) less remembered for being part of the 2004 championship team than for being the perennially injured and ineffective closer of ‘05 and ‘06, speaking dismissively of Red Sox fans as “Johnny from Burger King” types that meant nothing to him, licking his World Series ring with groupies, and for (allegedly) sleeping with one of the Red Sox ball girls, (allegedly) in the clubhouse no less, and (allegedly) getting caught in flagrante delicto by Dawn Timlin, who (allegedly) promptly told Mrs. Foulke, who (most definitely) demanded a divorce.

5. Just to go back to the Hall of Fame for a minute, I would like to personally apologize to Goose Gossage. No, I don’t have a Hall of Fame vote. But I do have an Unfortunate Facial Hair vote. And there is absolutely no excuse for me to have overlooked Goose’s contributions in the field of facial hair when I wrote this retrospective of the fu manchu. Clearly, Gossage had a historic impact on the place of the distinctive moustache in baseball lore, and I was remiss not to formally recognize this sooner. I’m sure Goose will be as thrilled to be included in our UFH category as he is to be elected into Cooperstown. “It was very emotional I’ll tell you, off the charts. I can’t describe the feeling.” Yes, Goose, I’m sure. Only the lucky and the few get such recognition. But are you sure you really can’t describe how it felt? “A shock wave went through my body like an anvil just fell on my head.” On second thought, I think maybe calling it indescribable was fine.

There have been some great minor league promotions over the years. The Charleston Riverdogs hosted “Nobody Night”, where they locked fans out of the stadium until the fifth inning. The Altoona Curve hosted “Awful Night”, which featured music by Milli Vanilli and William Shatner. And the Nashua Pride celebrated the 32nd anniversary of Watergate with a Richard Nixon bobblehead night.

But for every great minor league promotion there is one that just plain blows. And so it is that the Long Beach Armada — the same team that gave Jose Canseco his shot at pitching — bring you “Animal Awareness Day,” which doesn’t sound so bad, until you read the fine print.

From the AJC:

A California baseball team is offering free tickets to its game Sunday to any fan who sacrifices a Michael Vick jersey or T-shirt to the burn pile.

“Autographed memorabilia might get you a box seat,” said Steve Bash, general manager of the Long Beach Armada, a minor league team in the independent Golden Baseball League, near Los Angeles. “We’re probably going to throw them in a pit and burn them up and put it on YouTube.”

Now, lest you think the Armada is prematurely judging Vick, who has yet to be convicted of anything, Bash says that “neither the team nor the league is judging Vick guilty but just using the federal indictment to bring attention to the issue of animal cruelty.”See, this is a non-judgmental burning. In fact, the Armada plan on inviting Vick to the game. I bet he’ll be thrilled!

Some people might argue that the Armada’s promotion is making light of a very serious situation. Or that the team is simply using the NFL scandal to draw attention to itself, rather than to promote a worthwhile issue. But not me. As far as I’m concerned, nothing says family fun like “angry mob burning things.” I can’t wait to get my Vick jersey out of the closet, douse it in kerosene and throw it on the flaming pile. You know, because I love animals.

Of the many unfortunate facial hair patterns out there (and as we’ve seen, they are legion) the Fu Manchu will always hold a special place in baseball’s UFH pantheon. The craze began in earnest in 1975, when seven members of the Brewers sported the look, and has never quite died out. Favored mostly by catchers and relief pitchers, the Fu Manchu has become a hardball classic, as much a part of the game as cracker jack, pine tar, and organ music. To salute this time-honored ’stache, UmpBump presents the top five Fu Manchus of all time:

5. Mike Piazza, Catcher and DH, 1992-present

Mike Piazza gets a nod for his daring interpretation, whittling the ends of the Fu into these sharp little points, not unlike the fangs of some venomous snake. Pairing it with a blow-dryed “Just for Men”-esque coiffure, Mike looks downright dapper.

4. Todd Jones, Reliever, 1993-present

Todd Jones gets a nod for his painstakingly parabolic Fu, which looks like he sculpted it with a protractor. Extra points for the russet coloring.

3. Sal Fasano, Catcher, 1996-present

Few have done as much for the Fu Manchu as Sal Fasano. But it could be argued that the Fu has done almost as much for Sal. Without it, he’d be just another aging backup catcher flirting with Triple A. But with it, he’s a cult hero with his own fan club (Sal’s Pals). Indeed, as this picture shows, Sal clearly views his Fu as more than just facial hair…it’s a calling.

2. Rod Beck, reliever, 1991-2004

Rod Beck, may he rest in peace, had a classic Fu: thick and lustrous, sloping evenly down from either nostril, flaring slightly at the base but not at all bulbous, like Fasano’s. What’s more, the fearless Beck paired this beaut with a brash cascade of mullet. But even this wasn’t quiiiite enough to win him the top spot, which goes to…

1. Al Hrabosky, reliever, 1970-1982

The best baseball Fu Manchu ever belongs to none other than Al Hrabosky, who pushed the form to new heights with this flourishing, asymmetrical endeavor. Indeed, one almost wonders if the asymmetry is caused by the moustache simply growing too fast for Hrabosky to contain. It’s as if Al were some sort of Fu Manchu prodigy—while others struggled to produce a Fu of even mediocre caliber, Hrabosky was naturally well-endowed. During the 1977 season, Hrabosky was forced to shave his glory as part of a new team dress code. It’s no coincidence that “the Mad Hungarian,” as he was known, went on to have a terrible season during which his ERA ballooned to 4.38.

A Fu Manchu with Samsonlike powers? No wonder it’s our Number One.