If the first games of the 2007 have reminded us of anything, it’s that baseball will always surprise you. Nowhere is that more true than with starting pitching. For instance, we—that is, bloggers, media types, and smart alecs—spend the offseason mocking the Royals for giving Gil Meche $55 million for 5 years, because that’s one million dollars for each career win, since he came up in 1999. Also, his name is Gilbert. And what does he do? He goes out and shuts down Boston’s expensive, All-Star, computer-generated lineup. Seven and a third innings, one run, six strikeouts.

And Curt Schilling, staff ace, in the last year of his contract with the Sox, trying to convince someone to hire him for next year, having pitched well all Spring Training, yadda yadda yadda, suddenly forgets how to get outs. In 4 innings he walks in a run, gives up 8 hits, and logs five earned runs. Uff da.

Some other starter surprises so far:

• Brandon Webb, last year’s NL Cy Young, was nearly as bad, giving up five runs and eight hits in five innings.
• Derek Lowe did one better (read: worse), giving up six runs and eight hits.
• No one was worse than Jose Contreras, who outdid even last season’s depressing end. On Monday, he threw 49 pitches and couldn’t get a single out in the second inning.
• $126 million-dollar man Barry Zito pitched okay, not great, going only 5 innings and allowing two earned runs on 5 hits.
• $14.5 million-dollar man Jake Peavy out-dueled him, going six innings and giving up only two hits and shutting out the Giants, while striking out six.
• The Mariners’ starter, Felix Hernandez, is only 20 years old, making him the youngest starter since 1985. (Bonus point for the UmpBumper who knows who the youngun from ‘85 was.) The guy can’t even buy beer! And he struck out twelve in eight innings, allowing just three hits!
• On the other hand, Johan Santana threw a lousy allowed 7 hits and 4 earned runs in six innings. However, he managed to win anyway.
• This was because his foe, Erik Bedard, only lasted 4 and two-thirds innings, while giving up ten hits, six earned runs, and a couple of homers.
• Scott Kazmir pitched well enough to win, but then the bullpen blew his lead. [Oops, wait, not surprising.]
• Carlos Zambrano achieved a sort of reverse hat-trick, losing his third Opening Day game in a row, allowing 5 runs on 6 hits, 5 (yikes) walks, and 2 homers to Adam Dunn in just five innings.
• Carl Pavano didn’t suck, or injure himself.

Well sportsfans, I guess we’ll just have to play out the rest of the season. I mean, if this is how it’s going to be. Siiiigh. I don’t know about you, but I was so looking forward to a summer spent watching Grey’s Anatomy reruns.

Is there anything more exciting than the baseball free agency period? That was a retorical question. Of course there isn’t.

Let’s take a look at some of the recent signings and what they mean:

1. Gil Meche to the Royals. If Meche tries to explain his decision to sign with Kansas City as being motivated by anything other than money, he should be struck by lightning. He turned down the chance to play in great, historic baseball towns for (presumably) competative teams and make $40 million for the chance to play for the Royals and make an extra $5 million. On the brightside, I hear they’ve got really good bbq in Kansas City, and he’ll have plenty of time to play golf in October.

2. Freddy Garcia to the Phillies. This seems like a good deal for both sides. Phillies fans are no doubt stoked about this trade, because Garcia is a proven starter and the Phils didn’t even have to give up Aaron Rowand, who is beloved in Philly. But there’s a chance this could end up turning into a repeat of the Kevin Millwood trade and the “player to be named” the Phils sent to Chicago will turn into the next Cy Young.

3. Speaking of Gil Meche and the Phillies, let’s talk about the Blue Jays, who lost out on signing Meche and now might want to turn to the Phillies for starting pitching. The Phils are looking to move SP John Lieber and would love to get a big bat in return. The Blue Jays are looking to move Vernon Wells, no matter how often they deny it (they didn’t even put Wells on their promotional materials this year!). The Jays wouldn’t trade Wells for Lieber straight up, but Lieber and a prospect might do it. And Wells and Ryan Howard in the same lineup would be SCARY.