Bombshell
Manny Ramirez
Suspended fifty games – wow.
Better start tweeting.

Agent’s Two-Step
“Blame it on the meds
From that doctor,” says Boras.
“That always fools ‘em.”

Torre’s Lament
Hitting three-fifty
OBP-ing five hundred.
Get me Juan Pierre.

Manny’s poetry has lately taken a darker, more existential twist. A brief selection from the “Enough is Enough” collection:

Tired and Silent

I don’t want to talk to them

about contracts right now. So what?

I know they got me,

but enough

is enough.

I’m tired of them,

they’re tired of me.

Contents of a Letter…Or Whatever.

After 2008, just send me a letter

Or whatever.

You don’t even got to call my agent

Or whatever.

‘Hey, thank you for everything.

‘You’re going to

Become a free agent.

We’re not going to

Pick up your option in ‘09.’

I’m happy,

But enough is enough.

You know?

That’s it.

Trade Deadline Assessment

They’re not going to

Pull the trigger, because they

Know what they’ve got here.

2009

Don’t worry about

It. Enough is enough. In

Oh-Nine, I move on.

How Much is Enough? [They Know]

They know.

You got to ask Theo and John Henry.

They know.

I gotta go hit guys.

My Job is to Play Baseball

I don’t care where I

Play, I can even play in

Iraq if need be.

For Manny’s previous works, see here, here, and here.

Manny Ramirez is continuing to issue prophetic statements in the guise of media interviews. Adding to our collection, we now present the latest quotations, taken directly from the lips of His Mannyness and arranged by yours truly into a series of short poems and haiku:

Pimp Jobs

I am trying to

get a hit against you. You

show me up, that’s good.

The Rivalry (Come On)

That’s the game.

People like to compete.

Just because you play

For the Red Sox

And they play

For the Yankees,

You’re going to go and kill each other?

Come on.

I Haven’t Thought About 500

I just love the game.

I just like to compete.That’s

it. To be honest.

Plate Discipline

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

All I Want (or Whatever)

After all this is over

All I want

Is for my kids to go to college

And to be their best friend.

That’s all I want.

I don’t care about home runs

Or whatever.

It Can Only Hurt the Ballclub

I don’t think much.

I love my job.

I love to compete.

Causation

He gave me a good pitch to drive.

So I drove it.

Mantra: Hitting Well in Yankee Stadium

I don’t care.

I don’t play here.

I can’t tell you why.

I wish I knew.

First Stolen Base Since 2005 (Why?)

Contract year…I thought

I was out. I was going,

‘Yeah, I got a break.’

If you want to see

The car, sometimes you have got

To let the car go.

It made me feel like

I was back in high school…Yes,

I went on my own.

For the last few years, Manny Ramirez had been something of a recluse in Red Sox nation. He stopped doing commercials. He never spoke to the papers. He didn’t go on television. But late last season, Manny emerged from his hermetic seclusion like a prophet returned from the wilderness. Nowadays, as befitting his new meditating, The Secret-reading lifestyle, he’s got the dreadlocks of a Bob Marley and the ‘stache of a Kahlil Gibran. And this week he offered some wisdom in haiku/poetic form:

Focus

It’s not hard to play.

It’s easy. It depends on

What you focus on.

Home Run Ball (Right There)

I was looking

For a good pitch–

Something that I like.

It was right there.

Like a fastball–

It was something like eighty–

Or a change.

It was right there.

Even When You Do Not Come Back

Even when you do

Not come back, we love this job

We love to compete.

All the Way

We never give up,

Man.

We just play

Hard.

All the way.

162

David’s gonna hit.

That’s why this is a hundred

And sixty two-games.

Hitting for him

He’s fine. It’s only

Fourteen games. If he doesn’t

Hit, I’ll hit for him.

Good Things

There are things you aren’t

Gonna like, but you have to

Look at the good things.

What I’m Not

Don’t know, I’m not a

Pitching coach. You got to talk

To the pitching coach.

Contract Extension (To Work Out)

Why isn’t it going

To work out?

Of course it’s going

To work out.

Everybody knows it’s going

To work out.

A Player Like Me

I

changed everything.

Boston never had a player

Like me.

They had Mo Vaughn

In the ’90s

But after that,

Nothing

Like me.

I went there,

And my attitude

Changed everything.

Booed

I can’t control that.

I just like to come and play

The game and go home.

For your Sunday morning pleasure, via Slate.com, the poetry of Roger Clemens, excerpted from his deposition and his Congressional testimony:

“Offensive Haiku”

I am offended.

I will be honest with you.

I am offended.

—Feb. 5, 2008, deposition

“Ghost Andy”

He looked at me,

Wringing his hands,

White as a ghost

And asked me

What are you going

To tell them?

And I told him

I’m going out there

To tell the truth.

—Feb. 13, 2008, hearing

“Glute”

I have strained my glute

On a couple occasions.

I wish I could tell you

How many occasions.

—Feb. 5, 2008, deposition