In a bizarre drama, Hideki Matsui announced on Thursday that he has secretly gotten married, but he refuses to divulge the identity of his wife, showing only sketches of her drawn by himself and his brother.

What made the whole situation even more bizarre is that Matsui may have married her in order to win a bet he made with teammates Derek Jeter and Bobby Abreu.

According to the terms of the bet, if Matsui got married first, he would win an undisclosed sum of money from the other two, but since Matsui was considered more likely to get married first, Jeter and Abreu were given handicaps of 1 year and 6 months, respectively.

This means that if Jeter can get married in the next year, or Abreu can get married in the next 6 months, they won’t have to pay anything to Matsui, but both players are already conceding that Matsui has won for sure and say they will pay up now.

According to Jeter, there is “no chance” that he will be married by next March.

But while UmpBumpers are certainly curious enough about the identity of this mystery woman Matsui has married, the far more pressing question has to be, is she a Hot Baseball Wife?

While the sketch above implies a certain level of hotness, if you sort of tilt your head sideways and squint at it funny, more information is needed to return a verdict of “hot” - so let’s go to the evidence…

1. Matsui is a Major League ballplayer, one of Japan’s most instantly recognizable public figures, and has often been referred to as “the most eligible bachelor in Japan.”

This means she is likely to be hot.

2. She is 25 years old and Japanese.

This information increases the likelihood that she is hot.

3. According to Matsui, she quit her job at a reputable sporting goods company about 1 year ago.

Well, having no job at all is not so hot, but then again, gold-diggers are often hot.

4. “Matsui became attracted to her personality as well as her discretion and proposed to her,” sports tabloid Sankei Sports reported.

Hmm. When people start talking about “personality” and “discretion,” actual hotness starts to be questioned.

5. At his press conference Matsui declared, “In short, I fell in love at first sight.”

Well, maybe she was pretty hot after all if Matsui fell in love just by looking at her.

6. “She is reserved and is not so sprightly,” Matsui said. “I think she is a person who is very considerate to others.”

Uh, okay. “Considerate to others” is hot, but “reserved” and “not so sprightly”? That sounds kind of un-hot.

So what do you think? Is this woman likely to be hot? You make the call:

more at twiigs.com…

Hideki Matsui returns to the Yankees tonight as the team’s DH. Just in time, too. Because the Yankees are really hurting for hitting, currently fielding only 7 all-stars in their batting order.

With Matsui’s return, the question becomes, who will the Yankees keep for their postseason roster? Or, more to the point, who will they cut?

Teams get 25 players to take into the postseason. You figure the Yanks will take four starters, a closer, a setup guy, a couple of middle relievers…all told, probably around ten pitchers. Which leaves them with 15 position players. They’ve got to take two catchers, so that means Posada and Fasano are in. You know they’ll take A-Rod, Jeter, Cano, Giambi, Abreu, Matsui and Damon. That’s nine. But after that it gets sticky.

It’s a safe bet that Sheffield (provided he heals in time), Bernie Williams, Melky Cabrera, Craig Wilson, and Miguel Cairo will make the team. That leaves one more spot.

You’ve got to figure that last spot will go to scrappy infielder Nick Green, b/c he’s the only guy who can play SS besides Jeter and A-Rod. If A-Rod or Jeter goes down, the Yanks will need Green.

That means Aaron Guiel and Kevin Thompson get the axe. Oh well.

And that, in a nutshell, is your Yankees postseason lineup. Not too shabby.

Pitching for the Empire will be Wang, Johnson, Mussina and Lidle. That’s not too shabby, although, as good as Wang has been, I’m still a little bit hesitent to consider him the kind of number one ace that a team needs to win the World Series. Wang is good, but he’s no Schilling. And he’s certainly no Santana. 

The New York Times oversells it just a teensy bit today. The paper of record’s description of Hideki Matsui’s broken wrist in the first inning:

As stomach-turning injuries go, Matsui’s could rank with the broken legs of Joe Theismann on “Monday Night Football” and Tim Krumrie in the Super Bowl. The twist was that it happened to the foremost ironman in baseball.

Ugh, dudes? This may be Red Sox-Yankees—and believe me, as a card-carrying member of the Fenway Faithful, I know each game seems like the Super Bowl—but it’s still just one of 162 regular season games. It’s still just May. Krumrie’s leg bones snapped in three different places, and Theismann ended up with his tibia and fibula literally sticking up out of his flesh. Matsui didn’t exactly get slammed by linebackers, “foremost ironman” or no. We’re not talking a head-to-head collision in the outfield or a Tony C-type beanball or a hard liner back to the mound. Yeah, it’s not mysterious knee stiffness. It’s not an unexplained “medical issue.” It’s hardly akin to the minor woes of a certain centerfielder.

Matsui will need surgery and he’s not going to be back anytime soon. And I realize that New Yorkers have a rather myopic view of the world (ie, they think the midwest starts somewhere in Jersey and that Boston is on the border with Canada) but compare Matsui’s break with these and then tell me where it ranks.

Ugh!! That hurt…