Free coffee and baseball: This is a match made in heaven, from Sarah’s point of view. Two notes: 1. Jose Canseco is worried that he’ll get poisoned via free coffee. 2. Jonathan Papelbon is advertising free coffee (with purchase of either a flatbread sandwich or a pizza) at Dunkin’ Donuts, available the day after the Red Sox win. Sounds a bit complicated to me—and it’s cheap of DD to exclude their own employees. Not to mention that Paps looks like a cheeseball in this photo. Why didn’t they just go with a real post-game shot?

Speed: the Blue Jays are going to be swiping more bags this season. And speaking of speed, I enjoyed watching the A’s relievers throw over to first with Jason Varitek standing on the bag. Yes, let’s make sure the 35-year old catcher doesn’t steal.

Fans: It just goes to show you that the Dodgers really do have a special relationship with their fans, as LA hurler Brad Penny warmed up with a lucky fan yesterday. Across town, Angels owner Arte Moreno bought souvenirs for several fans. And it seems that Baltimore’s long-suffering faithful are finally abandoning their ballclub. Just don’t get mad when the Sox come to town in May and bring their hordes of free-spending fans with them, transforming Camden Yards into Fenway South. The O’s need the revenue.

No-hitters: Yesterday, ESPN.com carried a teaser for the Chicago-Detroit game saying the Dontrelle Willis was throwing a no-no through five innings. To me, that’s just false advertising. Sure, it’s technically accurate to say that D-Train ended up one-hitting the White Sox, but it would perhaps be more descriptive to say that Willis went five innings, while walking seven and striking out none. It was the least dominant no-no bid I’ve ever watched. An outing more worthy of ESPN’s hype would have been Jake Peavy’s two-hit complete game or Manny Parra’s legit seven-strikeout no-hit bid, carried through five innings.

Reds Rookies: On the heels of Johnny Cueto’s stunning debut Thursday, another Reds rookie pitcher impresses today. Edinson Volquez has pitched five innings so far, with seven K’s and one earned run. He’s scattered three hits and two walks.

Sleep: The Red Sox really do need it. Their odyssey from Florida to Japan to California to Toronto is starting to tell, and it’s most readily apparent on defense. Boston has already committed two errors halfway through today’s game. They had two errors yesterday, too, and have racked up a number of sloppy near-errors over the past few games. They have a day off tomorrow and open Fenway Park on Tuesday.

It’s a touchy subject in Boston to be sure. On this most optimistic of days, the Red Sox’ home opener, the captain of the team, catcher Jason Varitek, looks to be nearing his end. And so the question hangs in the air, like a solitary rain cloud on an otherwise sunny day: What’s to be done about Tek?

Last season, Tek hit .238 with 12 HR in about 30 fewer games than usual, due to injuries. So far this season he’s hitting .125. Of course, it’s early, but the Red Sox captain didn’t exactly light it up in spring training, either. I saw him in person in a game against the Devil Rays. He looked over-matched.

The situation with Varitek gets even stickier because moving him to a reserve roll would mean giving more playing time to backup Doug Mirabelli, who isn’t exactly the second coming of Babe Ruth. Last season Mirabelli hit .193 in 59 games for Boston. The Sox are stuck with Mirabelli on their roster, despite his offensive ineffectiveness, because he’s the only guy in the organization, maybe the only guy on earth, who can catch knuckleballer Tim Wakefield. So as long as Wakefield is around, Mirabelli will be, too.

Which brings us back to Tek, and what to do with him. The Sox have a promising prospect in George Kottaras, who can flat out hit but is still learning the position. Lately, though, folks in the Sox organization have been raving about the progress Kottaras has made behind the plate. You get the feeling this would be a great time to bring Kottaras up to the show, to let him back up Varitek and let him learn from the team captain how to handle an MLB staff. Except then the Sox would either have to cut Mirabelli or let the new guy try and catch Wakefield, which would be more than a little cruel.

It’s a dilly of a pickle, indeed. It’s a problem that Varitek could solve himself, should he rediscover his hitting stroke. But should he continue to struggle with the bat, the Sox will have some tough decisions to make.

UPDATE: As I type this, Varitek is 3 for 3 in today’s game versus Seattle. I want to go on record saying this absolutely doesn’t mean that he’s rediscovered his stroke. It’s not bad news, of course. And Varitek should be happy about his good day. But he got his three hits off of Jeff Weaver and the Mariners’ bullpen. Hitting against Weaver shouldn’t even count towards a player’s stats. The only thing easier than getting a base hit off of Weaver is hitting a homer off of Eric Milton. I was walking across the street the other day and tripped on the curb and accidentally hit a homer off of Milton. I don’t know how it happened, but it did.

Okay, just kidding. (Please, no anthrax letters to UmpBump HQ.)

Seriously, though, the injuries to my beloved Red Sox just keep adding up. Jason Varitek, Trot Nixon, Matt Clement, Tim Wakefield, Keith Foulke. And those are just the major guys currently out. Let’s not forget David Wells and Coco Crisp missing major time earlier this year. And Mike Timlin hasn’t been the same since coming off the DL in June. Now Mike Lowell is limping.

As if all that weren’t quite enough, Doug Mirabelli injured himself in the course of tonight’s game as well. New veteran (”new veteran”?) Javy Lopez replaced him mid-game. After Varitek’s meniscus tear, Mirabelli’s twisted ankle, Josh Bard’s raging case of fingerus butterificus, and Tim Wakefield terrifying John Flaherty into retirement, Javy might want to take out an insurance policy or buy some juju beads or something.

Then Curt Schilling really tried to send all of Red Sox Nation into cardiac arrest by trying to barehand a well-hit ball with his pitching hand.

Curt, we appreciate the effort, but let’s not have a sequel of the “bloody sock.” Sequels are never as good as the original.