When Jeff Kent announced his retirement recently, baseball lost much more than a great second baseman. It lost a great mustache.

Amazingly, Kent’s ’stache is not one of the handful of fuzzes that has its own entry in our Unfortunate Facial Hair pantheon. But don’t be fooled: his was truly fabulous fur. And it is not the only UFH that we stand to lose. Mike Piazza retired in May (and to mark the occasion Paul created a Piazza UFH retrospective). Now it’s looking increasingly unlikely that Sal Fasano will find a job. And both Todd Helton and Randy Johnson are in the twilights of their respective careers.

For the good of the game and, yes, for the good of America it’s time for these UFH vets to pass the torch to a greener generation. Here are a few young players who might consider picking up where the vets left off.

Kent’s actually toned down his mustache late in his career, but in his early years with the mets his flavor savor was large and in charge.

What would happen if we took Kent’s mustache and put it on Troy Tulowitzki’s baby face?

equals…

Whoah! Where does the line for mustache rides form?

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Only a few more hours left of Wednesday. A bit of reading to get you through the last hump of Hump Day:

Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell would like their ice cream machine back, please. (Bradford Files) And is lack of ice cream behind Beckett’s mysterious injuries this year? (Center Field)

What it’s like when Jose Canseco hits on your girlfriend. (Diamond Hoggers)

The six-man roster continues to loom. (Washington Post) Oh god, no.

Dusty Baker doesn’t like walks, so Joey Votto isn’t walking. (Vegas Watch) Moneyball haters, rejoice!

A backward glance at Nomomania (Sam Mellinger for the Kansas City Star)

“Jeter and others may be trying to get Paul O’Neill’s number RETIRED? Has the world gone mad?” (Joe Posnanski on behalf of LaTroy Hawkins)

Why are Kenji Johjima’s pitchers throwing him under the bus? (Detect-O-Vision)

Stephen Drew is a righthanded dude who bats left. (DbacksBuzz) After burning my right arm two weeks ago, I have discovered that I can do absolutely nothing with my left arm. At all. Tip o’ the hat to you, young Stephen.

And finally, earlier in the week, Coley wrote about Boston prospect Jed Lowrie’s potential as a super-utility guy for MLB Trade Rumors. Today, Joe Haggerty writes for the Boston Metro about why the Sox are grooming their prospects that way.

And as always, if you’re reading something we should be reading, let me know!

Reds OF Jay Bruce will start the year in the minors. Reds 1B Joey Votto could be heading there, too. Ditto for Rays 3B Evan Longoria and Rangers C Jarred Saltiama…Saltiamacch….you know, Salty.

Here’s what folks are saying about these moves:

Keith Law on Longoria and his replacement, Willie Aybar: “[W]hat the hell are the Rays doing with Willy Aybar? He’s not a good player to begin with. He missed 2007 with a substance-abuse problem. He was arrested less than two months ago for beating his wife, and only got out of jail because she didn’t want to pursue the charges, not because he was acquitted or cleared. And this is the guy you’re thinking of running out there instead of the best prospect in baseball? It’s stupid, uncharacteristically so for that front office.”

DRays Bay on Longoria: Seriously? That is going to be the excuse? He doesn’t hit breaking balls well?!?! And tell me, exactly how is he going to learn how to hit a major league breaking ball in the minors?

Rob Neyer on Longoria, Bruce and Votto: It doesn’t matter much if the Rays send Evan Longoria down, because they’re not a playoff team either way. But the Reds maybe have sort of a legitimate shot … if Bruce and Votto combine for 1,000 or more plate appearances (and yes, I pulled that figure from thin air).

Bugs and Cranks on Bruce: The question is, was this decision made before Patterson even made camp in an attempt to save money? If the Reds don’t call up Bruce until June, they get an extra year before Jay is arbitration eligible.

Evan Grant, Dallas Morning News, on Salty: To create the most value for the most catchers in a system stacked with catchers, Laird must play regularly. So must Saltalamacchia. The best way to do that is to have one catch regularly in the majors with no temptation to play the other. For now, that means Laird must play in the majors and Saltalamacchia in the minors. It’s just better for their values.