I do try to control my raging Boston homer impulses here on UmpBump, but there’s only so much a girl can do. I’ve just got all these BoSox-centered thoughts rattling around in the old bean, and I’ve got let some of them out! But if you stick it out for a few paragraphs, there will be some assorted MLB-wide random thoughts towards the end.

Curt Schilling may be an opinionated guy, but he’s not afraid to admit when he’s wrong. He played catch yesterday, after what he described as his longest period without throwing a ball since he was five years old. And he admitted that the course of rehab recommended by the Red Sox doctors—which he fought tooth and nail—is working. And the weight bonus has been dropped from his contract. Bartolo Colon is pitching for Pawtucket on Saturday. And yesterday, Boston’s other old man, knuckleballer Tim Wakefield, threw 8 innings of shut-out ball in Detroit. Good times for Boston’s venerable hurlers.

Gordon Edes (still at the Boston Globe, at least for the time being) had a quick observation about Julio Lugo:

Julio Lugo began the day ranked at the bottom of all defensive categories for big-league shortstops. He had the most errors (9), the lowest fielding percentage (.919), was last in assists per nine innings (2.36), and last in range factor (3.49). The rest of the Sox infield? Mike Lowell, Sean Casey, and Dustin Pedroia have one error apiece, Kevin Youkilis none. Most of Lugo’s errors have come on routine plays, an indictment of his fundamental skills more than his athleticism…

This jibes with what I’ve been observing. Lugo gets to the ball and then bobbles it, or lets it go under his glove, or even snags it and then throws it away. It just seems like he’s not focused, as if he’s thinking too many steps ahead instead—he looks like he’s taking his eye off the ball when it’s coming to him and then getting rid of it before he gets his feet under him. Basic stuff. Lugo has called himself an aggressive shortstop and has admitted that sometimes, his enthusiasm results in mistakes. I wish he’d get a little more Zen-master-like focus.

Anyway, compare Edes’ observation, above, with this sentence from Nick Cafardo, the man who took over the Sunday Notes column from him:

Is there a shortstop alive with more range than the Angels’ Erick Aybar (please, no “range factor” stats)?

Ugh. For the record, Erick Aybar is leading MLB shortstops in range factor this season. He’s 13th in fielding percentage. Or, if you’re Nick Cafardo, in “‘fielding percentage’ stats.” Cafardo also interviewed Johnny Damon, who sounds like a bit of an ass:

You’re 34 years old with more than 2,100 hits. Do you ever think about playing a long time and getting 3,000 hits and possibly making it to the Hall of Fame?

JD: “I’m starting to think about it. I never thought about it because it’s a team game and there are so many pitches I took to try to work the pitch count to make it easier on people like [David] Ortiz, Mike Sweeney, and Manny [Ramírez]. I mean, what if I just swung and got the hits and all the times I played when I shouldn’t have to make sure other guys stay fresh? If you think about that over seven or eight years, how many would I have had? I’m starting to think about it more.”

Apparently, Johnny Damon could have had a lot more hits by now, if he hadn’t been trying to selflessly help the team. (Whaaa?)

At a recent game in the Fens, we were sitting right behind the Boston bullpen. We watched Hideki Okajima rub the parrot for good luck before the game. We watched Julian Tavarez flirting with the girls seated next to us. Billy the bullpen cop saw an adorable little boy walk up to the metal fencing and peek down into the pen; Billy got Jonathan Papelbon to walk over to the fence and say hi. The little boy’s eyes widened to the size of catchers’ mitts. We saw the guys trying to throw pumpkin seeds into a plastic cup. (Only one seed went in, by my count, but some unseen hand was throwing those seeds with a lot of great, biting movement on ‘em. It would really dive in against a righthanded hitter, with good downward break as well. Wonder who that was?)

Boston’s now enjoying a 4-game lead for first place in the AL East. The Rays are 4 back, the struggling Yanks and the Jays a game behind them, and the Orioles are back in the cellar where they belong.

Other MLB randomness:

Have you ever noticed how Placido Polanco has a head like a midget? It’s a midget-shaped head on a regular-sized body. Strange.

Barry Zito will return to the starting rotation without making any appearances out of the bullpen. This seems less like a return to sanity on the part of San Francisco management than like they utterly and completely lack for any sort of plan, at all. But then, we knew that.

The players’ association is investigating suspicions of collusion regarding unsigned veterans like Kenny Lofton and Barry Bonds. But old is old and indicted is indicted, no?

MLB looked into the blow-up doll incident in the White Sox clubhouse and decided it was a “team issue.” GM Ken Williams has been assured by Ozzie Guillen that it won’t happen again. Yet the skipper has told the press he sees nothing offensive, immature, or otherwise pathetic with having lewdly positioned blow-up dolls in the clubhouse because it’s a clubhouse, and what happens in the clubhouse should stay in the clubhouse because it’s the clubhouse, goddammit, and if grown men want to play with dolls in their clubhouse than that’s their clubhouse-given right! Clubhouse. (Note to self: rename office cubicle “the clubhouse;” purchase opium; hire harem boys; acquire a quantity of mead, one of those roasted pigs with the apple stuck in its mouth, and a cake; send Outlook invites for Friday afternoon orgy.) Now, it should be noted that there was, at one point, a naked blow-up doll in my freshman year dorm room. I have no idea how it got there, but one day I woke up and saw it, lo and behold, perched atop my roommate’s wardrobe. And a couple of months later, it vanished. I offer this anecdote just by way of saying, random and tasteless blow-up dolls could happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time.

The other day I got to asking myself, what would have happened if the Red Sox had somehow matched the Yankees’ offer and resigned Johnny Damon in the fall of 2005? So I did a little thought experiment and here is what I came up with…

I am assuming the the Red Sox would not have been willing to increase payroll above what they eventually did pay in 2006 simply to accomodate Damon’s salary. This means that the Sox would not have been able to take on the salaries of Josh Beckett and Mike Lowell, whose combined 2006 salaries with the Sox are exactly equal to Damon’s 2006 salary with the Yankees. Instead, having traded Edgar Renteria to the Braves, the Red Sox would have started Hanley Ramirez and Andy Marte on the left side of the infield. They would have also had to keep Bronson Arroyo to pitch in the rotation, and would have had Anibel Sanchez to pitch in the rotation when the injuries started piling up at the end of 2006.

Without any need for Coco Crisp in centerfield and an opening at third base, the Sox would never have traded away Marte or acquired Josh Bard. Instead, they would have had Kelly Shoppach as their backup catcher. This means that they would not have panicked and traded away Cla Meredith to get back Doug Mirabelli.

There is the famous fable of the butterfly that flaps its wings in China and causes a hurricane to strike in the Carribean, or somesuch. Well, if the Red Sox had decided to do whatever it took to resign Johnny Damon, and then had the vision to give Ramirez and Marte a chance instead of trading away for injury and suckiness-prone Josh Beckett, their projected 2007 lineup and rotation would look like this:

CF Johnny Damon
SS Hanley Ramirez
DH David Ortiz
LF Manny Ramirez
RF JD Drew
1B Kevin Youkilis
2B Julio Lugo
C Jason Varitek
3B Andy Marte

P Curt Schilling
P Bronson Arroyo
P Daisuke Matsuzaka
P Jonathan Papelbon
P Anibel Sanchez/Tim Wakefield

What the Red Sox would have, then, is a team that would be significantly better than the one which they are going to be putting on the field in 2007. Instead of marginal prospect Dustin Pedroia batting ninth, the Red Sox would have super prospect Andy Marte, and mediocre Coco Crisp and Mike Lowell would be replaced by legitimate stars Johnny Damon and Hanley Ramirez. The rotation would also be significantly stronger, with Arroyo replacing Beckett, and Sanchez allowing Wakefield to move back into the sixth man/swing role. As an added bonus, the Sox would still have extremely useful pieces in Kelly Shoppach and Cla Meredith on the bench and in the bullpen. And most amazing of all, the Sox payroll would be several million dollars less than what it is going to be in 2007.

Plus, the Red Sox would almost certainly have done better in 2006 with Sanchez ready to step into the rotation when Wakefield went down, and Shoppach available to step in when Varitek got hurt.

Overall, I am quite pleased with this little thought experiment. My only real regret is that I wasn’t able to magically wish away JD Drew and Julio Lugo in the process. Alas, even if the Sox had re-signed Damon, they still would have seen a need to sign Drew and Lugo…

Curt Schilling plans on pitching in 2008, he just doesn’t know where. But there’s one thing he’s sure of: he won’t pull a Johnny Damon and sign with the Yankees.

Mariano Rivera is going to pitch next year and he wants to stay with the Yankees. For now, though, all he knows is he won’t pitch for the Red Sox.

It seems Yankees and Red Sox players are tripping over themselves in their eagerness to negotiate new contracts. None of them are above threatening to leave their respective teams, but all of them can agree: signing with the enemy is a no-no.

Which brings us back to Johnny “Judas” Damon. It seems everyone’s in agreement: Damon is an idiot. His teammates defend him, but then confess that they could never do what he did.

So what does Damon think? He still can’t believe the Sox didn’t pony up. From the New York Daily News:

“I knew they had the money back when they were negotiating with me; they just took their stance,” Damon said. “I was probably the only guy who never begged them to sign me.”
…

“They had a chance for a month and a half after the season, but when they don’t talk to you or offer you a contract in that time, it tells you they don’t want you,” Damon said. “That’s fine with me. I wasn’t going to be in a situation where they didn’t want me. I think they just looked at it as, ‘Johnny loves it here.’ It was great, but this suits me a lot better. I’m a happier person because of it.

For such a happy person, Damon sure does sound bitter, doesn’t he?

So it seems the love affair between baseball jocks and video games doesn’t stop at the clubhouse. I mean, if it’s going keep you on the sidelines, might as well make some money off of it, right?
Well, what about those that do it for fun?

We can now thank Commissioner Damon, as in, Johnny Damon, for his irrefutable dedication to the growing sport of Video Gaming.

On a serious note, Damon is starting a Professional Baseball Video Game League in which he’ll get a chance to tussle online with his fellow peers. Of course, we all know they’ll all be engaging in a friendly game of…Microsoft’s Project Gotham Racing 3 for Xbox 360…

The first season’s roster also includes former Cub Corey Patterson and Rodrigo Lopez of the Orioles, Craig Hansen and Julian Tavarez of the Red Sox, Matt Holliday and Willy Taveras of the Rockies, Prince Fielder of the Brewers, Josh Barfield of the Indians, Derek Lowe of the Dodgers, Seth McClung of the Devil Rays, Mike Pelfrey of the Mets, Luke Hochevar of the Royals and Dallas McPherson of the Angels.

“The league is bringing together two of my biggest passions — baseball and video games — in a way that neither baseball fans nor video gamers have seen before,” Damon said in a statement.

What’s with these ball players and video games? Doesn’t Damon have better things to do in his off-time?

[via Joystiq]

Me thinks we were almost not going to post ever again under the HBW category.

Hogwash!

Behold Johnny Damon’s Wife (photo courtesy dailybull.com)

And to show we do read our comments, this post originated aqui.