Jon Lieber Pimps his Ride

The Phillies have been trying to trade Jon Lieber all winter. So, like most people do when their job status is uncertain, Lieber went out and bought himself a $211,000 truck. If you can call it a truck. It’s more of a blight. A monstrosity of gargantuan proportions. An epic eyesore.

From the Philly Inquirer:

Lieber rumbled into spring training yesterday in his 2-week-old Ford F650 SuperTruck, a customized blue-and-black beast, 9 feet, 2 inches tall and 25,000 pounds, with six doors, 45-inch wheels, seating for seven, a satellite dish and customized leather interior. It cost him $211,000, more than twice the $94,000 base price.

There are three other people who own a truck similar to the one Lieber purchased: King Abdullah II, of Jordan, Sheik Mohammed, of Dubai, and Shaquille O’Neal.

If you thought Lieber ruined the Phillies season last year, you should see what his truck is getting ready to do to the ozone layer. It has, according to the Inquirer, “Four 50-gallon diesel tanks, which cost $500 to fill, though, at a thrifty 12 miles per gallon coming from a 300-hp Caterpillar engine, Lieber only used a quarter of a tank driving here from his home in Mobile, Ala.”

And to think, all of that is money he could have been spending on liposuction.

“I’ve heard it my whole life. If you guys think I’m fat and out of shape, you guys will say it. I feel great. I’m ready to help.”

You’re fat, Jon. Fat and out of shape. We’re saying it.