Another week of matchups has come and gone in UmpBump’s head-to-head fantasy league. Must be time for our weekly rundown of who’s helping us out and who’s kicking us to the curb.

Sarah: Say what you will about the managerial style of Joe Torre—and here at UmpBump, we have—but I would like to take a minute and thank that good man for putting on the double steal so many times last week. I’ve got three young Dodgers on my team, and largely thanks to Torre telling them to run, run, run like the wind, I racked up 10 steals—and would have had 12 if Jacoby Ellsbury had shown up in the lineup before Sunday’s game (he was a last-minute add when David Ortiz was scratched). Nonetheless, I was content as my offense exploded for 44 runs, 58 RBI, and 112 total bases and carried me to a 7-4 win over Coley and back up to third place in our 12-team league. Not bad, considering that my pitchers’ ERAs looked like this: 1.46, 4.50, 4.50, 5.14, 6.00, 6.00, 7.50 12.00, 32.40. I look forward to coughing up the pitching categories for the foreseeable future, as my ace, Yovani Gallardo, tore his ACL bumping into someone. Hey, at least my staff is still better than Detroit’s. Blazingly hot: Matt Kemp Regular hot: Xavier Nady, Russell Martin, Ryan Braun, Matt Cain Tepid-to-cool: Gallardo, Johnny Cueto, Eric Gagne, Kyle Lohse Ice Cold: Troy Glaus.

Coley: These are dark days indeed for the fantasy team. Nevermind that I got beat by Sarah, a fantasy virgin. I got beat by Sarah – a girl! Now I’m in last place, deep in the cold, dark cellar, grasping desperately for a light switch. It’s all very perplexing. Aside from the recent injury to Jorge Posada, my team has been relatively healthy. Many of them are simply underperforming. I don’t know how Carlos Pena managed to hit .287 last year, I really don’t. Because he swings for the fences on every pitch. And what happened to Vlad Guerrero? Does anybody know? Fortunately, Jose Reyes seems on the verge of emerging from his funk. Maybe he could share some positive vibes with his teammate, Oliver Perez, who fell off the map this week. Oh, and I don’t mean to rant, but can somebody explain how I managed to crush Sarah in ERA, WHIP, and K/BB, but lose Wins? Don’t bother, I’ll tell you how: I got one win, and that came from my closer, Brad Lidge. Pathetic. Hot: Brad Lidge Not: the rest of my team.

Alejandro: Another week, another Center Field Stud win. Don’t look now, but a team that was at one point in the very bottom of the standings is suddenly near the happy middle (a place I’ll probably stay at for a good chunk of the season as I’m six games behind 6th place). This week my offense checked in in all six categories, but my pitching continues to be my weak spot. Can’t expect Tim Lincecum to be a stud every week (no wins, but he did manage to rack up 9 Ks and a 2.08 ERA). I picked up Fred Lewis, Emil Brown and Edwin Jackson, hoping to get something good out of them. So far, only Fred Lewis seems to be paying off, though Brown had a couple of games where he seemed unstoppable. Edwin Jackson got smacked around by the Red Sox, but he may rebound so I’ll hang on to him for now. Hot: Connor Jackson, Chipper Jones, Carlos Lee, Aaron Rowand, Magglio Ordoñez, Fred Lewis. Not: A.J. Pierzynski, Dustin Pedroia, Emil Brown, Alex Gordon, Kerry Wood, Edwin Jackson.

Paul: (Just for kicks, I think I’m going to file my fantasy report pretending to be Mr. Jacopo “J” Peterman. So here we go.) Elaine, do you know what it’s like to look up and see nothing? It’s ab-so-lute-ly damning. No mountains to climb, no sky to gaze at, no rufous-bellied eagles to inspire you… When you’ve achieved perfection - total and un-com-pro-mised per-fection - all you can do is sigh. That’s exactly what it’s like being in first place of the UmpBump.com fantasy baseball league, Elaine. Here I am, wearing my Mongolian-themed mocassins, knowing full well that this road I travel can only lead me to some place that’s already all too familiar, or worse. Yes, it’s true. ElDuquesInjuryReport was victorious once again this week, vanquishing the comically named Pirates in 08! (how delightfully absurd!). My heroic pitching staff had performed admirably. Why, not even the most accomplished musketeer in all of Hongwu Emperor’s armies could have been more precise! Greg Smith was just brilliant in both of his outings (14 IP, 6H, 3R, 15Ks), and Andy Sonnanstine was equally stellar (8IP, 6H, 1R, 5K) in his lone appearance. And a hearty welcome back to Scott Kazmir. While I was correct to leave you on the bench for your first start of the season, I’ll be counting on you to help lead the club to Xanadu! Hot: Geovany Soto, Andy Sonnanstine, Greg Smith. Not: Jhonny Peralta, Jim Thome, C.C. Sabathia.

Sunday night is a bittersweet time. You’re all nice and relaxed from the weekend…but then…what’s that noise?! Did you hear something lurking in the shadows? GAAAH! It’s MONDAY MORNING! RUUUNNN!!! So here’s a few links to lull you back into a false sense of security:

Fire Brand of the American League on the Roy Oswalt - to - Boston - at - the - deadline rumors.

The Kansas City Star on all the stuff you can get with a Royals ticket stub (warning: you may need an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of it all).

The Bleacher Report on what the Rangers could do to become contenders—this season.

The Other Fifteen made a heat map to compare Tulo’s range with Jeter’s. Guess who wins!

View from the Cheap Seats is piiiiiiiissed at Tony LaRussa for letting Adam Wainwright chuck 130 pitches when he’s the Cards’ only good, healthy starter. Viva El Birdos is also concerned.

Phil Hughes lets Morgan Ensberg guest blog. The results are sort of like a Jackson Pollock painting.

Keith Law went to a wedding. The DJ played “Sweet Caroline”….and paused for the fans guests to shout BAHM BAHM BAAAHM and SO GOOD! SO GOOD! SO GOOD! How odd.

River Ave Blues gulps and delivers the bad news: Jorge Posada’s shoulder is still not better. Will the Yanks have to bite the bullet and get a backup for their backup? Doug Mirabelli’s available… (DOUGIE’S GOING DEEP!)

Baseball Prospectus on just how insane Cliff Lee has been to start the season.

High Cheese notes that Tom Gorzelanny’s bobblehead is making an obscene gesture.

And finally, Sox and Dawgs has the latest crop of Red Sox charity wines. Last year, we had Schilling Schardonnay, Caberknuckle, and my personal favorite, Manny Being Merlot. I was hoping the Sox would branch out into beer and hard liquor (“Coco’s Crisp IPA: Packed with good hops” or “Varitek Vodka: Intangibly Smooth”) but no such luck. This year’s puns are Sauvignyoouuk (witty), Captain’s Cabernet (yawn), and Vintage Papi (super-yawn). I’m disappointed, quite frankly. What about the Papi Pinot I requested? The Matsu-sake?! Pedroia’s Petite Sirah? Buchholztraminer?!?

What else should I be reading? Email me!

The 2008 inductees to the Baseball Hall of Fame get announced today, so it’s only appropriate that we here at UmpBump announce the latest inductee into our own little Hall of Fame we call “Hot Baseball Wives.”

Our honoree this time is All-Star catcher and “True Yankee” Jorge Posada’s wife Laura, pictured here helping a rather uncomfortable looking Regis Philbin discover that all his moving parts are still quite functional after all these years:

Lauramarried Jorge in 2000. Before marriage, she had been a fitness model and minor actress in Puerto Rico, before later hitting the books to become an attorney. Laura also made waves after coming to the US by posing in a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition wearing nothing but strategically placed paint:

Laura’s most high profile activity since coming to the US, however has been her active role as co-founder of the Jorge Posada Foundation. Jorge and Laura’s first child, son Jorge Jr., suffers from craniosynostosis, a condition in which the bones in a child’s skull fuse too early, before the brain has had enough time to grow. The painful affliction results in an abnormally shaped skull, and causes serious complications, and Jorge Jr. has already had numerous surgeries to help correct the condition. Laura and Jorge co-founded they named after their son in order to raise money to find a cure for thecondition and to help support needy families with children afflicted by the disease.

Congratulations Laura! For combining beauty, brains, and compassion, you’ve more than earned the honor of Hot Baseball Wife.

Laura shown here with second child, daughter Paulina

This offseason, the one area of the free-agent market that intrigued me aside from where the best player on the planet would land was the backstop. I’ve already written about how slim the pickings are at the catching position, so I won’t go into too much detail, but basically, it looked rife for some terrible contracts. Prior to the month of October, there was a decent number of guys who had a solid resume. Then the Tigers exercised their $13 million option on Pudge Rodriguez. Then you know what happened?

Actual sanity.

I’ll give you all a moment to soak that in.

We good? Let’s go on.

It’s not exactly “edgy” to criticize GMs and owners on their excessive spending habits. It’s simply something to which we’ve grown accustomed. But so far this offseason, I have to give them credit overall. At least when it comes to dealing with the catching market, they’ve collectively drawn a line.

Jason LaRue signed for one-year at $850K with the Cardinals. The Mets retained Ramon Castro for 2 years at $4.6 million, then for one reason or other the reported deal they had with Yorvit Torrealba never happened. Instead of dipping into the market, the Mets dealt the unwelcome Guillermo Mota to Milwaukee for Johnny Estrada, who has one more year before he becomes a free agent. In response, the Brew Crew (and this is one that really surprised me) signed Jason Kendall for a $4.25 million one-year contract. While we can argue as to whether or not any of these transactions will help their respective teams, I think we can collectively agree that these are actually rational.

The only deal that gives me pause (and it’s a pretty big pause, but still) was naturally the Yankees giving Jorge Posada a 4-year $52.4 million deal. But given the season he just had, and the fact that it’s the Yankees we’re talking about, it can at least be explained.

With one-year commitments for Pudge, Estrada, Kendall and LaRue, teams have given themselves some serious future flexibility. We all know how difficult it is to find a catcher who can actually stay healthy and productive for more than five years. It simply doesn’t happen all that often given the nature of the position. So when such an option isn’t available, I find it reassuring that that even in today’s market people aren’t pushing the panic button. GMs who lack a franchise backstop have seemingly resigned themselves to the fact that they’re not going to get much from their catchers. This is a good thing, I think. So I feel compelled to tip my cap. This way, I won’t feel as bad the next time I rip them.

As recently as yesterday morning, it was assumed that free-agent catcher Yorvit Torrealba would be a New York Met in 2008. It was reported that the two sides had reached a three-year $14.4 million agreement and all that was left was a routine physical.

But something happened.

By Saturday afternoon, reports trickled out. The deal was dead, and talks had ceased altogether, making a post I had been drafting in preparation for the signing (entitled “Oh God, No”) uttlerly useless.

Here’s the thing. There was speculation that if Jorge Posada were to test free agency, that the Mets were going after him with a vengeance. Not because signing him away from the Yankees would make backpage headlines, but because they hoenstly thought that he was clearly the best option:

Free Agent Catchers* in 2007-08 - At least the ones you’ve heard of…
(with Age and Career OPS) 

Paul Bako (35, .621)
Rod Barajas (32, .696)
Michael Barrett (31, .747)
Sal Fasano (36, .687… Stache.)
Jason Kendall (33, .768)
Jason LaRue (33, .723)
Mike Lieberthal (35, .783)
Paul Lo Duca (35, .752)
Damian Miller (38, .740)
Doug Mirabelli (37, .724)
Jose Molina (32, .624)
Yorvit Torreabla (29, .705)
*Mike Piazza is no longer a catcher. Get over it, Mets fans. He ain’t comin’ back.

As you can see for yourself, it’s just not an inspiring bunch. Catchers notoriously hit a wall once they hit 32-33 years old. 99.9% of them do not have their career seasons at 36 years old like Posada did. Simply put, it’s a terrible year to be looking for a catcher. The available ones are either has-beens or never-wills. Which is why the Mets had offered a contract to Torrealba. He was the only one under 30  who had a prayer of posting a .700+ OPS in 2008. The market is just that bad. And it’s not going to improve next year either, when the top names (if they remain unsigned) will be Jason Varitek, Pudge Rodriguez, and Kenji Johjima, who will all be a year older, obviously.

Obtaining a good catcher via free agency is very difficult. Let’s say that a catcher is drafted by an MLB team at the age of 20. This team does not have to add this player to the 40-man roster for three years. If they make it this far, then there’s six more years until he becomes eligible for free agency. A 29 year-old catcher does not have the same body as a 29 year-old outfielder. Moreover, teams know this and lock up their franchise backstops to reasonable long-term deals before they regret losing them. So what you generally end up with is a list of guys who are on the wrong side of 30 or wasn’t good enough to merit a long contract.

In 2007, there were 8 catchers with 400 plate appearances who OPSed over .750. Out of this lot, only Josh Bard made his MLB-debut with a different team than his current employers. Perhaps moreso than any other position, homegrown talent is by far the best way to go to find yourself a quality catcher, it seems. Only problem is, the Mets never really have produced a quality catcher in their franchise’s 44-year history (apologies to Todd Hundley).

But without such an option, where do the Mets turn now? As I write this, there appear to be three options:

1. Trade for Ramon Hernandez - Two years ago, the Mets simultaneously offered contracts to both Hernandez and Bengie Molina but neither ended up at Shea. But with the Orioles facing yet another off-season that’s lacking direction (are you rebuilding or trying to win now?), there’s speculation that Hernandez is available. But the Orioles are reportedly asking for a top-flight prospect.
2. Trade for Gerald Laird - With the arrival of Jarrod Saltalamacchia in Arlington, Laird’s name has appeared in trade rumors. He’s only 28 years old and he will certainly not cost as much as Hernandez to acquire. But there are two problems here - Saltalamacchia’s near future may be at first base, which doesn’t make Laird redundant, and even at 28, he’s only had 881 big league at-bats, during which he’s posted a sub-.300 OBP.
3. Start Ramon Castro - One signing that didn’t make much waves is the news that the Mets are keeping Castro around for the next two years. The man (whose head is absolutely gigantic…) who homered in over 7.5% of his ABs in 2007 is currently the only viable option the Mets possess. He slugged .556 in 144 ABs this past year, but not even the most optimistic of Mets fans expect this to continue into 2008.

To me, the best option appears to be the third at this stage of the game. Hernandez is a 31 year-old coming off an injury-plagued year. Laird has never shown that he’s worth giving up anything to acquire him. So why not give Castro a shot? At least until something better comes along, of course…