Monday is Hot Baseball Wife Day here at Umpbump, and this week’s honoree is Enza Sambataro, the wife of Boston Red Sox 1B/3B Kevin Youkilis.

A native of Newton, Mass., and a fan of the Red Sox since childhood, Enza first became famous in 2004 for briefly dating fellow Massachussets native Ben Affleck after they met at a charity bowling event organized by Nomar Garciaparra.

Enza then met and became friends with Youkilis through mutual friend (and then Red Sox pitcher) Lenny DiNardo. The couple was friends for several years before getting engaged in 2007 and finally tying the knot this past offseason.

Before her engagement to Youkilis, Enza worked as a sales manager at several television stations in the Boston area. She now works as the CEO of Youkilis’s charitable foundation, “Hits for Kids.”

Enza’s marriage to Youkilis is her second. After she broke up with Affleck she had a brief, 7-month marriage and divorce with a Boston-area car dealer, which produced a son, Mikey, now aged 5.

More pictures after the jump…

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Nick and Coley have already given you their MVP picks. Here are mine:

First, the American League. The runners-up:

Grady Sizemore. Smart stats love this guy, despite his crappy average this year: he was second in the AL in VORP and first in Runs Created. He also tied for fifth in homers. But it was all wasted because the Indians were so bad. Oh well.

Carlos Quentin. Let this be a lesson to him next time he wants to break his wrist to spite his bat (or whatever).

Aubrey Huff. If David Ortiz can’t win it as a DH, then Huff won’t. But you know, he finished 4th in the league in VORP, 5th in OPS and RC, and 3rd in SLG. I just thought I’d mention it, because unless you live in the 21201area code, you might have missed it.

Kevin Youkilis. Tell me if I’m wrong, but I think he was the only guy to finish in the top ten in VORP, RC, AVG, OBP, SLG, and OPS. That’s pretty badass. Plus, he plays gold-glove worthy first base and can easily slide across the diamond to play third. Heck, you can even stick him in the outfield. Terrible facial hair, though.

But there can be only one winner, and that person is…..

Dustin Pedroia. No, he’s not the trendy pick–at least, not among the baseball eggheads who are sick of hearing about the Red Sox and their annoyingly good players and just plain annoying (but devoted!) fans. (Screw you too, jerkface!) But Pedroia had 73 extra-base hits this year (including 17 HR) this year to Joe Mauer’s* 44 (including 9 HR). Mauer, the catcher, has 1 stolen base and 1 caught-stealing. Pedroia, no real speedster, has 20 stolen bases and was also caught once. (How did he do that if he doesn’t have real wheels? The old-fashioned way: using his brain.) Pedroia led the league in runs, tied for first in hits (213), came in second by just .004 .002 [edit: after game 163] in batting average, finished third in runs created (while Mauer finished 18th there), and was fourth in total bases (with Mauer tied for 33rd). Pedroia also finished third in the AL in VORP (to Mauer’s 7th-place finish) behind Alex Rodriguez and Grady Sizemore, whose teams failed to make the playoffs this year. He played in 157 games and quietly drove in 140** runs while playing an acrobatic second base and energizing a team that suffered demoralizing injuries to their ace pitcher, cleanup hitter, and 2007 World Series MVP—while also coping with the tantrum and subsequent ouster of their most productive hitter. Without Dustin Pedroia, does anyone seriously think the Red Sox would have even made the playoffs? He’s been just as important to their playoff drive as Mauer*** was to the Twins’–and what’s more, he had a better year than Mauer. Case closed.

* I feel obligated to bring up Mauer here because so many people seems to be picking him over Pedroia, not least my colleagues at UmpBump. And look, I’m not one to undervalue a catcher’s contribution to the team, ever. But I honestly don’t know why we’re seriously talking about Mauer for MVP this year at all. (Yes, nice OBP. Very pretty. Well done. Now run along, and try to reach double digits in homers next time.)

**Now, anyone who reads this blog regularly knows that I tend to pooh-pooh RBI as a stat, but keep in mind the context here: Mauer ranked 21st in MLB in RBI opportunities. Pedroia ranked 40th. But Mauer somehow finished with just 85 RBI to Pedroia’s 140. And those who would tout Mauer’s admittedly admirable ability to take a walk, I’d like to point out that despite this ability, Mauer grounded into 21 double plays–four more than the contact-prone Pedroia. And it’s not like Pedroia just swings at anything; he’s even a bit tougher to strike out than Mauer.

***To me, it’s a wash whether it’s more “valuable” to keep your team from failing when everyone expects them to succeed or to help your team succeed when everyone expects them to fail.

On to the NL. First, the doomed-to-fail runners-up:

Ryan Howard. As Coley pointed out, he led the NL in both homers and RBI, and his team did make the playoffs. But I include him only out of a feeling of obligation.

Hanley Ramirez. As Nick pointed out, he’s the young player every GM and fantasy owner would love to have. He carried the Marlins through a surprisingly good year. His time will come.

Lance Berkman. He had a great year–114 runs scored, second in RC, third in OPS and OBP, fourth in VORP. He also had 29 homers and, somewhat surprisingly, 18 steals. But the funny thing is, there are so many guys ahead of him on the home run list–Howard, Adam Dunn, Carlos Delgado, etc and etc–that his great year just isn’t good enough.

Chipper Jones. Now here‘s an AVG and OBP worth writing home about: .364 and .470, respectively, plus he was one of only two players in the NL to OPS over 1.000.

And yet there is only one clear winner here. And that is the other guy to OPS over 1.000. Who is…

Albert Pujols, despite his crappy team (hey, they would’ve won the NL West!), he clearly deserves the NL MVP and it’s not even close. He’s first in VORP, first in RC, first in OPS, second in OBP, and [yawn] first in SLG. Really, the guy is sick. There’s just nothing more to say.

Our league leader, Paul, suffered a stunning upset as Alejandro’s team continued its inexorable rise up the standings. Sarah’s took two steps forward but then, mysteriously, one step back. And Coley completed a major trade with his fellow cellar-dwellar. But will it be enough to catch Paul? And can Paul hold off Alejandro? Will Sarah ever figure out this “fantasy baseball” thing and achieve her true destiny? Like sands through the hourglass……so are the games of our lives.

Sarah: I finished the week with an unsatisfying 7-5 win. Why was it unsatisfying? Well, my opponent, Sooze, played the entire week with two empty spots in her lineup. And I was winning 8-2 on Sunday morning. At this point, I’m just not sure what to do about my pitching. I try to be smart. I try not to play my guys in situations where they seem doomed to fail. Like the struggling Johnny Cueto, who I benched yesterday because I figured if any situation was going to be hell for a floundering rookie, it would be going against the Yankee lineup while pitching for the very first time in Yankee Stadium. Of course, Cueto finished with seven K’s, no walks, and one run over five innings, scattering four hits. (An hourlong rain delay then cut his day short.) And yet then you figure it’s okay to run a wily veteran like Pedro Martinez out there against the Rockies (although I admit, I had my doubts about the aging Pedro in Coors Field), and he gets slammed for six earned runs in four and a third. So as your fantasy baseball rookie, I admit it: I’m completely lost. Any and all suggestions are welcome. Until then, I’ll just be banging my head against this obliging wall. Hot: J.D. Drew, James Loney, Ian Kinsler, Andy Pettitte. Not: Jacoby Ellsbury (no steals this week, leading to a rare loss of that category by the Green Sox), Brian Wilson, Pedro Martinez, Vernon Wells, Carlos Guillen.

Paul: I ran into a buzzsaw and its name was Alejandro. It wasn’t even close. Completely embarrassing. He won Runs 45-30. Total Bases 143-93. RBIs 50-29. HRs 18-4. 18-4!!! 18-to-freaking-4. And half of my dingers were hit by Kevin Youkilis yesterday. So I had 2 going into the last day of the week. And I have many people to thank for my team’s offensive ineptitude. I’d like to thank Adam Dunn for getting me two whole total bases and nothing else this week, thus proving that you really do love baseball more than anyone. And here’s to Geovany Soto for that lovely .174 OBP. Chris B. Young, I couldn’t have done it without you or your 5TBs and .222 OBP. And Shane Victorino! Your craptastic week also deserves some recognition. (On a side note, there’s a very interesting race going on between Young and Victorino to determine who will be the guy most likely to produce ONLY in games where I sit him on the bench. Looking like a photo finish.) Lastly, an Honorable Mention goes out to Interleague Play. Without you, Jim Thome probably would have had more than 3ABs over the past three days. So give yourself a round of applause, you pointless scheduling catastrophe. Peace, God. Hot: C.C. Sabathia, Cliff Lee, Justin Duchscherer, George Sherrill, Jhonny Peralta. Not: Interleague Play, Geovany Soto, Adam Dunn, Shane Victorino, Chris B. Young, Huston Street, my pride.

Alejandro: It’s a week for individuals. So I’ll be poised in celebrating my solid victory over first-place ElDuquesInjuryReport (aka, Paul). Not that I’m a good winner, but everything has to have moderation. You might as well call me lucky because my team won even though the red-hot Chipper Jones went down with an injury, and both the White Sox and Marlins had rough weekends. Remember, it’s a week of individuals. Jermaine Dye was pretty much the ChiSox offense for the last few games, racking up 28 total bases, 13 RBI, 5 home runs, and 7 runs. His OPB? .440 thank you very much. The rest of the White Sox offense was a collection of timely hits and home runs from A.J. Pierzynksi and Alexei Ramirez (both on my team). As for the Marlins, a guy who is basically carbon copy of Hanley Ramirez broke out of his slump and… HIS NAME IS DAAAN UGGLA! Kid his hot! 22 total bases, 9 RBI, 4 home runs, 5 runs, and a very impressive .517 OBP. But again, I’ll be poised. I don’t completely doubt my team for this week, but I’m not expecting great things. Hot: Dan Uggla, Carlos Lee, Jermaine Dye, Billy Wanger, Kerry Wood, Gavin Floyd, Vicente Padilla. Not: Mark Hendrickson, Eric Chavez, Alexi Ramirez, Alex Gordon, Hunter Pence (bench-warmer).

Coley: My latest blockbuster trade involved me sending Jorge Posada, Carlos Pena and Jay Bruce to Sooze for Mark Teixeira and Jack Cust. Teixeira had a totally silent week this week. Until Sunday, that is, when he hit three homers. It wasn’t quite enough to put me over the top. I still lost to Box89RowKKSeat14 7-5, but it’s encouraging to think that Tex might be heating up, because when he gets going he can carry a team, fantasy or otherwise. Also, Vlad Guerrero looks like he’s finally broken out of his season long slump. But it’s hard to tell – everyone looks good when they’re hitting against Kyle Kendrick. Hot: Vlad Guerrero, Carl Crawford, Mark Teixeira, Greg Maddux, John Danks. Not: Carlos Delgado, Jack Cust, Dice-K, C.J. Wilson.

Standings (games behind)

1. Paul – ElDuquesInjuryReport ( – )
2. Scott – Utley’s Firm Quads ( 3 )
3. Alejandro – Center Field Stud ( 5.5 )
4. Doug – Swamp Dragons ( 6.5 )
5. Sarah – Somerville Green Sox ( 10 )
6. Kirk – Montefusco’s Revenge ( 19.5 )
7. Ania – Box89RowKKSeat14 ( 22.5 )
8. Bryan – Pirates in ‘08! ( 23 )
9. Larry – croutchyoldman ( 26.5 )
10. Coley – Crunkball All-Stars ( 28 )
11. Caitlin – caitlin grace ( 31.5 )
12. Sooze – freebase my balls ( 34 )

The passion frequently displayed by Kevin Youkilis in the batter’s box has been a subject of amusement to fans. As hilarious spoof site Call of the Green Monster will amply demonstrate:

Several Injured During Youkilis Strikeout-Related Temper Tantrum

For Kevin Youkilis, every single at bat is an epic life-and-death struggle, with the fate of the universe seemingly hanging in the balance.  It is a Shakespearian drama, in which the meaning of life, the vagaries of fate, and the inevitability of tragedy loom deeply…

This weekend, that inevitable tragedy struck for the Red Sox as Youkilis was called out on strikes and proceeded to shatter his helmet and break his bat into pieces, sending razor-sharp shards of material flying into the dugout.  Several players were treated for lacerations and bruises…

But apparently, Youk’s teammates don’t find his trademark intensity quite so entertaining. And now, an unnamed Red Sox insider has revealed that it was Youk’s bad attitude after a frustrating at-bat that led to Thursday night’s tussle with Manny Ramirez in the dugout:

“It all happened because Manny complained about Youkilis’ habit of throwing bats, helmets and other objects in the dugout when he has a bad at-bat, something that has become a constant practice,” the source said.

“Other players have told Youkilis in the past about the situation, which makes him look selfish and that he is more worried about each at-bat than about the team. If Boston is winning easily, there’s no reason to throw objects all over the dugout because of a bad at-bat.

“There was a meeting where the team let Youkilis know that many of his teammates were tired of his explosive reactions for each bad plate appearance. It became very bothersome … more so when the team is winning and it’s in first place. There’s not much room for individualistic attitudes.”

Youk, dude, chillax.

Oh my God. It’s Friday! Finally! To give you a sense of where things stand at UmpBump HQ, en route to the office this morning I took a sharp left turn with my cup o’ Joe not properly secured in the cup holder (evidently). Now I have no coffee to drink, and altogether too much coffee soaked into my pants. Never have I needed some TGIF action so badly, and I trust you, loyal readers, feel the same. And here at UmpBump, “action” = “links.”

Rumors and Rants presents the ten worst contracts in baseball today. Guess who Number 1 is?

We didn’t talk about the John Bale story (pitcher on DL frustrated with how rehab is going, punches door with pitching hand, breaks hand) here on UmpBump because we were satisfied with the level of snark at Can’t Stop the Bleeding. Obviously, he didn’t have the Crash Davis tutorial on not hitting doors with your pitching hand. (I can’t keep giving you these free lessons!)

Rob Parker of the Detroit News says “like him or not, the Tigers need Bonds.” I disagree, given that the Tigers are actually third in the AL in runs scored and in the top five in every important offensive category. The problem for Detroit is that they’ve allowed the most runs of any AL Team—yes, even more than the Rangers. I fail to see how signing Barry Bonds is going to change that. But I guess we have to have thirty different versions of the article, “Team X needs to sign Barry Bonds,” no matter how silly some of those are.

Speaking of Bonds, he helped start this recent trend of using maple bats, which can be dangerous when they shatter (see photo). I’m an ash bat purist, so I was glad to see Jeff Passan’s article calling for the end of maple bats at Yahoo! Sports. (Hat tip to ShysterBall.)

Brawl! Since bench-clearing brawls are officially one of the reasons baseball is awesome, Babes Love Baseball has the video (in slo mo!) of Richie Sexson going after Kason Gabbard for throwing a high pitch. When I saw Sexson fling the helmet at Gabbard, and Gabbard promptly curl up in the fetal position on the pitcher’s mound, I knew I was watching an instant classic. The rest of the brawl is just gravy.

Ladies… has the goods on Carlos Gomez in the wake of his hitting-for-the-cycle performance. How you doin’?

Bill Plaschke tries to clarify whether Vin Scully is retiring or not. I came away with a new determination to watch all the Dodgers games this year on MLB.TV, just in case.

And Pinstripe Alley and River Ave Blues would both like to know why all the fuss about Joba’s fist pump. Seriously, a fist-pump controversy? That seems a bit much, even to this Boston fan. Try getting yourselves a shortstop on pace for 45 errors on the season, then tell me about controversy. I would love to hear the ululating in New York if Julio Lugo played for the Yankees. (Mostly because that would mean Julio Lugo was playing for the Yankees.)

And to wrap it up, Soxaholix presents: Youkalicious!

Know something I should be reading? Let me know!

Here’s a made-for-blogs story. Though it has now been removed, the jockstrap of Kevin Youkilis was briefly posted on ebay earlier today. The description, courtesy of Red Sox Monster:

We’re offering this Game Used Athletic Supporter Worn by Red Sox 1st baseman Kevin Youkilis during the Red Sox 2007 World Championship Season. It shows great game use,has “20″ written on it and came directly from the Red Sox Clubhouse. It will come with a COA issued by Sportsworld of Saugus, MA. We’re also listing many other Red Sox Game Used items from the 2007 Season and will combine on s/h for multiple purchases.

Can anyone tell me what the phrase “it shows great game use” means in relation to a jockstrap?

And considering how sweaty Kevin Youkilis gets just standing in the batter’s box, do I even want to know?

Gold Glove first baseman Kevin Youkilis has been sporting an extra-lush goatee ever since spring training. Well, sports fans, that’s about to change.

Gillette is donating $5,000 to Youkilis’ newly formed organization, Kevin Youkilis Hits for Kids, in exchange for a shave that will be performed at the Cask ‘n Flagon next to Fenway Park.

Youk’s charity does some, you know, charitable stuff for kids in both New England and in Cincinnati, where he’s from. That’s nice. But more importantly, it’s the end of a particularly pelty era. Did he look like a pirate, or a Russian czar, or Ulysses S. Grant? We didn’t even know. But don’t despair, UFH-watchers. I’m sure he’ll grow something just as questionable.

[Note: the odd thing is that a Red Sox player did pick up my old suggestion about getting Gillette to pay them to shave their unfortunate facial hair. If only it had been the other corner infielder, all my prayers would have been answered. It's a testament to how much I loathe Mike Lowell's goatee that I would almost be curious to see him on the Yankees, just so that I could also see his Clooney-esque visage free from such unworthy graffiti.]

On the one hand, I will be sad when this World Series is over, for it will mean that summer is over, winter is here, and months upon months of suffering an arid, baseball-less television landscape.

But on the other hand, I will be unspeakably happy. For once this World Series is over, it will mean the end of this nonsensical debate over what Terry Francona should do to his lineup in Coors Field. Some of the alternatives being bandied about are positively Byzantine in scope. The two most popular:

Option A: Put Ortiz at first! Move Youkilis to third base! Put Lowell in at shortstop! Bench Lugo!

Option B: Put Ortiz at first! Move Youkilis to right field! Bench J.D. Drew!

This just goes to show that Red Sox Nation in October is incapable of keeping its collective head. People have gone temporarily insane. The only remedy for this madness? Remind ourselves of certain facts:

Fact: Mike Lowell has never played shortstop. Mike Lowell only has 9 games played at a position other than third base, compared with 1,253 games played at third base. Mike Lowell holds the all-time National League record for the fewest errors committed by a third baseman. You do not want to move Mike Lowell from third base.

Fact: Kevin Youkilis has never played right field. Though the receptionist in my ophthamologist’s office tried to contradict me on this fact this morning, I have now double-checked ESPN.com and confirmed this indisputable fact. It is true that he has a whopping 18 games in left field, but I am sure none of those games involved left fields as expansive as the left field at Coors. Kevin Youkilis sweats hard enough in the batter’s box. The very notion of seeing him huffing and puffing his way to and fro across the vast Coors outfield should come with a warning label: CAUTION: MAY CAUSE DEHYDRATION.

Fact: J.D. Drew’s bat, for reasons known only to itself, has chosen this moment to awake, throw some clothes on, and join the party. J.D. Drew is hitting .349 in October and .500 over the past seven days. You do not want to bench J.D. Drew.

Then there’s the simple truth that Terry Francona is not a “tinkering” manager. Terry Francona is a manager whose motto is, “First, do no harm.” Terry Francona is not going to choose Game 3 of the World Series to suddenly start cooking up wild experiments like converting his third baseman to a shortstop or his first baseman to a right fielder.

So what will we see in Coors? There are two options, neither of them as attention-grabbing as the two options above, but both far more likely to occur:

Scenario 1: Ortiz starts at first base. Youkilis is ready to come off the bench either as a defensive replacement, or if David’s knee starts bothering him, or, in a close game, the half-inning after David draws a walk and comes out for a pinch runner.

Scenario 2: Youkilis starts at first base. Until, with runners in scoring position, the Red Sox in need of a run, and Lugo up to bat, David Ortiz suddenly becomes the world’s most insanely overqualified pinch-hitter.

Of these, I think Scenario 1 is more likely. As hot as Kevin Youkilis has been in the postseason, David Ortiz is still David Ortiz. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a lot of offense with Youkilis starting: this postseason, he’s actually been slightly more productive than Ortiz with 4 homers, 1o RBI, 9 walks, 19 hits, and 16 runs scored; Ortiz is actually lagging just thismuch behind his teammate with 3 homers, 8 RBI, 13 walks, 15 hits and 15 runs scored. But Scenario 1 gives Terry Francona more options, which a manager can never have too much of in October.

Unless, of course, you’re talking about inane, pie-in-the-sky options like rewiring the entire roster with only two wins to go.

UPDATE: It is as I predicted.