Is it opening day yet? Because there’s only so much that one can write about games that don’t count. Thank god for Mia and Nomar popping out those babies and Steinbrenner excommunicating his son-in-law, or else this blog might have gone out of business entirely.

And if you think I’m the only person stretching for storylines in this last weekend of spring training, check this out.

Yesterday, the Boston Globe’s story stealing Dan Shaughnessy wrote an entire column about a media lunch with Daisuke Matsuzaka. What did we learn?

When the waitress came around, Matsuzaka said, “Iced tea, please,” in English, then “crunchy chicken wrap, cole slaw,” again in English.

He has great posture and perfect manners. He kept his napkin on his lap at all times and did not start eating until everyone at the table was served. He drank his iced tea through a straw.

Thanks Dan. That’s info I couldn’t have lived without.

Then there’s the LA Times’ Steve Springer and Bill Shaikin, who today bring us the story of new Dodger Luis Gonzalez, who apparently got lost on his way to the ballpark.

Outfielder Luis Gonzalez, signed as a free agent in the off-season, was shaking his head as he stood as his locker stall Thursday evening after his drive to Dodger Stadium.

“I don’t know how many interstates I was on,” he said. “I’m glad I have a navigation system.”

Interstates? Where had Gonzalez come from?

“Manhattan Beach.

Maybe that story is funnier if you’re from L.A. But I doubt it.

Finally, we’ve got the biggest ink waster of them all, the guy who prints song lyrics at the end of his blog posts, Atlanta Journal Constitution reporter David O’Brien, who brings us not one, but TWO crazy stories about Andruw Jones. The first one involves a clever batting practice jersey:

By the way, Andruw took batting practice wearing a jersey with “Dos Cinco” instead of his name above his No. 25. I’ll be stunned if he’s wearing it when they come back on the field for the game.

That won’t fly with Bobby, who doesn’t even let players wear their sunglasses on top of their hats when they’re taking batting practice. But for B.P., on the last day of spring in Florida, and with Andruw, the manager let it slide.

Wow. That would almost be cool if it hadn’t already been done.

Then there’s this story of an exchange between Jones and Braves manager Bobby Cox that had O’Brien “just about on the floor, laughing so hard”:

A few of us are talking to Bobby Cox in the dugout and Andruw comes off the field during batting practice to get a drink of water.

“Play short today?” he asks Cox, the 1,000th or so time that Andruw has asked the manager about the possibility of the Gold Glove center fielder getting to play shortstop, where Andruw often takes ground balls in batting practice.

“Free agent year, I don’t think I should,” Cox says, laughing.

“[Bleep] free agent,” Jones answers, and spits out a mouthful of water. “It don’t mean nothing.”

Cox laughs and says, “That’s what I say. We’re on the same page, Andruw.”

I guess you had to be there.

Seriously, is it time for real baseball yet?

Carlos Quentin, an old pal from my broadcasting days back at Stanford, has finally made it to the big leagues with the Diamondbacks this past week. I say finally, because despite the fact that he has long had nothing left to prove in the minors, he has been trapped behind the outfield logjam of “experienced veterans” Shawn Green, Eric Byrnes, and Luis Gonzalez, despite the fact that, frankly, he is probably already better than all of them at this stage in their careers.

Take a moment and check out Quentin’s career numbers in the minor leagues and college. As you can see, his lowest OPS at any level of the minors or college was .912 way back when he was only a sophomore at Stanford. In fact, Quentin’s numbers in the minors were considered to be so good, that Snakes manager Bob Melvin had to despell a rumor that Luis Gonzalez was going to be permanently benched when Quentin was called up.

Sure enough, Quentin has gotten off to a booming start, sluggin 3 homeruns in his first 6 games and compiling a 1.478 OPS.  And yet, the D-Backs are only fitting Quentin into the lineup every other day.  To be sure, Quentin is not going to maintain these numbers for a whole season, but surely he should be in the lineup every day, given the alternatives–a Shawn Green who is a pale, pale shadow of his once 40-homer self, an always entertaining but inadequate Eric Byrns, and a tired old Luis “could he possibly have hit 57 homers that year?” Gonzalez, who’s once prodigous power has almost completely evaporated now that he has gone off the juice.