This past Friday, Nick wrote a post with the simple premise – if you can cut one person from each team in the National League, who would it be? And people got angry. Very, very angry. They called us names. They said that it was “the most pointless story I’ve ever read” and “one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read” and other “I’ve ever read” type comments. But they also said that “David Eckstein makes pitchers work so hard to get him out, that alone has value”. So we stopped paying attention after that.

Naturally, we’re back for more with the same premise applied to the American League. And if any of you brings up “leadership” as a reason Player X ought to stay, I swear to god, I will go back to my room in my mother’s basement, create an Everquest character that looks like you and destroy it.

Texas Rangers – Vicente Padilla: Starting off with an easy one here. From the moment the Rangers re-signed Padilla to a 3 year deal worth $33.75MM deal prior to the ‘07 season, it really was only a matter of time until this would end badly. In addition to posting poor numbers overall in Arlington, he’s had a poor reputation behind the scenes for years. The process for cutting him may have already started as the club put him on waivers this past week.

The Angels of The Angels  – Gary Matthews, Jr: Every time Matthews puts on a uniform, the Angels’ chances of winning seem to decrease. Another poor signing from the ‘06-’07 off season, Little Sarge has since posted a line of .248/.319/.386, which would be awful for a catcher, let alone for an OFer with a $50MM contract. If that weren’t bad enough, Matthews is also a sub-par defensive player, which should really make you wonder why the Angels haven’t cut the cord yet.

Seattle Mariners – Yuniesky Betancourt: When you have a starting shortstop who can’t hit, you tout his defense. When you have a shortstop who can’t hit or field, you have a big problem. Not only has Betancourt posted a .302 OBP in his career with little to no pop, he has also had a negative UZR (Ultimate Zone Rating) over that span. At 27 years old, we’ve already got a very good idea as to what kind of arc his career will take, and that arc is pretty damned flat.

Oakland A’s – Eric Chavez: It’s always sad when promising careers get derailed by injuries. But it’s worse when it drags on. Chavez has been off the field more than actually on it since 2007 and even when healthy enough to play, his performance has been on the decline since 2005. Having admitted that one more back injury would end his career, it’d be a great story if he were to show that he’s not done yet. Chavez is determined to do so, but one has to wonder if that’s actually in his best interest long term. I’m obviously not in a position to tell a player – especially one that’s only 31 years old – to walk away forever. But as a human being, I would hate to see his condition worsen and I fear that a return to the field will cause just that.

Detroit Tigers – Magglio Ordonez: If you consider this one to be heartless, I can’t really blame you since this is entirely driven by money. Magglio’s contract states that if he makes 213 more trips to the plate this year, his 2010 option worth $18MM becomes guaranteed (there’s a similar option for 2011). At this point in his career, Ordonez is not an $18MM player, nor is he all that close to that. His power is nowhere to be seen as he’s been unable to hit the ball into the air (56% of his batted balls have been grounders). I’m sure that the Players Association lawyers would have a field day with this cut though. Luckily enough, I don’t have to deal with such things (why can’t GMs cut players for financial reasons? I don’t get it).

Minnesota Twins – Alexi Casilla: While neither should be given a bat, both Carlos Gomez and Nick Punto at least have value as defensive replacements. And it’s probably too early to give up on a talent like Delmon Young, who really needs to learn how take ball four. But Casilla? The man has logged over 800 ABs in AAA and AA, during which time he has shown that neither his bat nor his glove is good enough to compensate for the other. His biggest asset as a minor league player was his ability to take a walk (which wasn’t exactly eye-popping to begin with). But thus far in his MLB career, Casilla has only gotten on base 30% of the time while slugging .318. Unless you’re saving dozens of runs with the glove, it’s impossible to swallow that. Sure, he’s still cheap. But there are better options out there for the same cost.

Chicago White Sox – Jimmy Gobble: Gobble has pitched in parts of seven major league seasons thus far in his career and his ERA in those years reads thusly: 4.61, 5.35, 5.70, 5.14, 3.02, 8.81, and 7.00 (so far in ‘09). Them’s ain’t pretty. Presumably, he keeps finding work because he’s a lefty. Problem is, lefties have a line of .266/.323/.460 against him so he’s not even useful against them. So I ask you, why does this man have a job? And for the record, I could have also picked anyone who has logged an inning in CF this year for the South Siders. But I’d be damned if I could pick one.

Kansas City Royals – Jose Guillen: I really could’ve put every Royal who’s 26 years old or over (not named Gil) into a hat for this one. Sidney Ponson? Absolutely. David DeJesus? If the man did not bat lefty, he may not have a job in baseball (kids, learn how to bat from the left side). And while I’m no Mike Jacobs fan (and Kila Ka’aihue is clearly more than ready to replace him as DH), he could at least serve as a cheap power bat off the bench.  Guillen, however, is by far the highest-paid hitter on the team and puts up numbers that simply aren’t good enough to let you ignore the headaches he causes within the clubhouse. And while he’ll continue to be among the top RBI guys on the Royals (which says more about the Royals lineup than it does Guilen) due primarily to his spot in the batting order, his glove gives up as many runs as his bat creates. If I were a Royals player, I’d probably resent the fact that the highest paid guy doesn’t offer much in terms of production nor seems to give a rat’s ass.

Cleveland Indians – Jeremy Sowers: In Single-A, Sowers struck out an impressive 9.5 batters per 9 innings pitched. In AA, that number dropped to a still-respectable 7.7. In AAA, down to a slightly worrisome 5.8. Notice a trend here? Then it really should come as no surprise that in the Majors, Sowers is striking out merely 4.1/9IP in the 300+ innings he’s logged. When you miss so few bats, batted balls tend to find the outfield grass more often (or worse). He had success in his rookie year winning 7 out of his 14 starts to go along with a 3.57 ERA. But his peripherals were poor (3.6 K/9IP, .259 BABiP), and therefore no one should be surprised to learn that his career ERA has been trending down ever since. Sowers just doesn’t seem to have the stuff to consistently get guys out at the big league level. And Cleveland would be better off giving someone else – anyone else – a start in his place.

Boston Red Sox – Julio Lugo: Take it away, Sarah Green!

New York Yankees – Angel Berroa: If you’re a SS, one good season buys you a career of job security as a utility infielder. Back in 2003, Berroa popped 17 dingers and has been living off that accomplishment ever since. Problem is, the man seems to have no idea how to play 3rd base, where the Yankees have been using him as a backup. Lord knows that you’re not keeping the guy around for his offense (career weighted-OBP of .297). So if he can’t do the job you’re asking him to do, why are you keeping him around at all?

Toronto Blue Jays – Kevin Millar: I initially had Vernon Wells here, but  after posting great numbers upon his return from a hamstring injury last August, he deserves a chance to prove once again that he’s not done (though moving him to LF IMMEDIATELY is a good idea). So I decided to go with a less controversial pick in Millar, a guy who looks to be about done at the age of 37. Sure, he may be entertaining in the clubhouse, but so’s the equipment manager (see enough jockstraps and I’m sure you develop a sense of humor). Millar’s defense is not nearly good enough to justify using him as a defensive replacement, nor is his bat useful enough as a pinch hitter. I’m sure it’s not easy to cut guys you like as human beings. But the point of the game is to win and Millar doesn’t help you accomplish that goal.

Tampa Bay Rays – Troy Percival: With a fastball that barely hits 90-91 mphs these days, Percival’s days as a reliable reliever are gone. In his younger years, his teams could live with him walking roughly 4 batters per nine innings because he struck out so many more. Nowadays, that’s getting harder and harder as his body begins to break down (Now go back and reread this paragraph replacing Percival’s name with Jason Isringhausen’s. Still makes perfect sense).

Baltimore Orioles – Mark Hendrickson: Centuries from now, when historians discover that there used to be a sport called “baseball” (and that there used to be something called “land”, but that’s another topic), I’d like to think that they’ll stumble across Hendrickson’s career numbers and immediately think “Holy %(*@ing mother of God! How the ^!#* did this guy keep finding teams willing to pay him &*($-loads of money?” With Scott Elarton still unsigned, Hendrickson has the highest career ERA (5.10) of any active pitcher who has logged over 800 innings or made 125+ starts. And the NBA community is forever left wondering how good this career 41.6% shooter could have been… (Here’s a hint. Not very.)

Ya got any problems with these, punk? Well, do ya? That’s what the comments section is for. Just remember. I can annihilate you in Everquest.

Detroit had a good offense this year — they were fourth in runs scored, second in homers, and third in OPS. But they were in the bottom five in the league in pretty much every pitching category — runs allowed, opponents’ batting average, strikeouts, ERA, walks. They were also in the bottom five in defensive efficiency and fielding percentage.

So the Tigers actually have two problems: their pitchers are clogging up the basepaths with walks and hits, but their fielders are exacerbating the problem by not getting to balls in play, and mishandling them when they do.

Oof.

Irritatingly, the Tigers thought they fixed this problem last offseason, when they sent Gorkys Hernandez and Jair Jurrjens to Atlanta for Edgar Renteria — this was designed to let them move creaky Carlos Guillen out of shortstop, thus upgrading their defense, while also providing a boost to their offense. They followed this up with a move designed to upgrade both their offense and their pitching, sending six prospects to Florida for Miguel Cabrera and Dontrelle Willis. The six? Andrew Miller, Cameron Maybin, Mike Rabelo, Burke Badenhop, Eulogio De La Cruz, and Dallas Trahern. Eight prospects dealt and not even a playoff berth to show for it. Not even close.

One problem? The Tigers took back with one hand what they gave with the other; yes, moving Carlos Guillen was vital. But no sooner had they upgraded their defense there, than they acquired Cabrera, whose terrible defense presented manager Jim Leyland with but one of many headaches: where do you put Guillen and Cabrera on the same infield?

And to add insult to injury, Jurrjens finished the year with a totally respectable 3.68 ERA in 31 starts and 188 and a third innings. The Tigers would have felt lucky to have such a performance from Dontrelle Willis, who went a grand total of 24 innings and finished the year with an ERA of 9.38. Ouchie.

So now, unfortunately, the Tigers find themselves right back in the same position they found themselves in at the end of last season — except this time, their farm system is depleted and their veterans are another year older. What to do now?

Well, they could use a catcher. A couple of starting pitchers. A shortstop. And pretty much an entire bullpen. No biggie, right?

The Tigers can choose to trade their remaining prospects and hope their veterans bounce back. If that happens — especially if they can get the pitching they need — they could make a run at a playoff spot in 2009. A Rafael Furcal here…a Miguel Montero there…maybe a Trevor Hoffman or Brandon Lyon or Darren Oliver over there…it could happen.

But I think they’re better off looking towards 2011. Trade Magglio Ordonez. Dump salary. Hold a fire sale and pick up as many prospects as possible.

The best time to do that may not be now — I could see Ordonez actually commanding a higher price at the July deadline. And who knows? If they take a wait-and-see approach and things click in the first couple of months of the season, the Tigers could decide to keep Maggs and make a run. But to do that, they’ll need to get creative and find cheap ways to plug their (many) holes now.

-What They Need index-

Maybe I’m the wrong person to be writing about any team in the AL Central. Going into the season, I was pretty darned sure that the Cleveland Indians would win the division quite handily, and that the Minnesota Twins were a fourth place team. And I totally bashed the Chicago White Sox and Kenny Williams, calling them a third-place team at best. Oh how embarrassingly wrong I was. How incredibly, utterly, hopelessly, know-nothingly wrong I was.

But so far, I think I’ve been fairly accurate in my assessment of the Detroit Tigers (Hazzah!). To me, they were a second place team that was going to miss out on the playoffs. Good, but not good enough. I wasn’t sold on Miguel Cabrera this year. His transition to a new, tougher league wouldn’t be helped by Comerica Park. I felt that both Gary Sheffield and Pudge Rodriguez’ age would eventually catch up with them. Although Pudge has slightly exceeded my expectations, Sheff’s been hurt and hasn’t produced while he was on the field. And I like Magglio Ordonez, but there was simply no way in hell that he was going to duplicate his 2007 season at the plate. Nate Robertson never was a very good pitcher to begin with, Kenny Rogers was 43 years old, and Dontrelle Willis is no one’s answer. Consequently, what we have at the All-Star break is a .500 team that’s 7 games out of first and 8 games out of the Wild Card spot.

So while I do think that the Detroit Tigers will be better than they had been before the All-Star break, I also wouldn’t be very surprised if they never get within 3 or 4 games of the Chicago White Sox for the rest of the season for two reasons – pitching and defense. Justin Verlander’s Ks are down and his walks are up. Same with Jeremy Bonderman but even more so. And although Placido Polanco and Edgar Renteria had been fine defensive options in the past, their Revised Zone Rating indicates that they might be slipping. Combine that with Miguel Cabrera at first and Carlos Guillen (who still hasn’t gotten this third base thing down), you have yourself a pretty weak defensive infield. With the pitchers not striking nearly enough guys out (averaging an MLB worst 5.3 Ks per game), your defense needs to be much better because a lot of batted balls are coming their way.

How to go about accomplishing this? Frankly, I have no idea. Unfortunately, there aren’t too many answers down on the farm. Their top prospect, pitcher Rick Porcello, is a top-ten talent. But he’s also still a teenager and in High-A. And the rest? Not too helpful, especially since they traded away Cameron Maybin to Florida in the Cabrera deal and also sent Jair Jurrjens packing to Atlanta to acquire Renteria (yeah, that one’s worked out quite well, hasn’t it?). So what they’re essentially left with is a decent crop of talent who are all in the lower classes of the minor leagues. I suppose neither Polanco nor Renteria are untradeable, but who would take these guys and give back a better player at the same position?

And here’s also a big problem – this is a team that cannot afford to look into the future right now. Aside from Curtis Granderson and Cabrera, the lineup has no young talent. The Tigers have a very small window to win with veterans the likes of Ordonez, Guillen, Pudge and Sheff.

So basically, here’s what Detroit can do: Hope for the best. Hope that the rotation will be better. Hope that Joel Zumaya and Fernando Rodney stay healthy and effective. And pray to god that Todd Jones can continue to prove all statistical metrics wrong by successfully closing out games despite allowing way too many runs (the man has successfully converted 86.8% of save opportunities since 2006 – all while sporting a 4.29 ERA. How do you do this???). Although I personally may not think that they can secure a playoff berth, this doesn’t mean that they should go and blow the whole thing up (which may not even be possible at this point). Because as we’ve seen, I’ve been very, very, very, very wrong before. And it’s not like the Tigers have many other options.

- What They Need Index -

Another week’s worth of fantasy baseball triumphs and heartbreaks are now receding in the rearview mirror of the UmpBumpmobile. A look at how we did, who we loved, and who we cursed with shaking fists:

Coley: Last week, prompted in part by Paul’s post on Jose Reyes, I finally bit the bullet and pulled the trigger on a big trade, sending Reyes to Swamp Dragons for Yunel Escobar and Carl Crawford. Of course, Escobar promptly went out and nearly tore his knee in half and then Reyes jacked two homers yesterday, his first day as an ex-Crunkball All-Star. But you know what? I’m not regretting it. Yunel is going to be fine, it seems. And let’s be real: Reyes is not going to morph into a power hitter overnight. Hot: Carlos Pena, Benjie Molina. Not: Oliver Perez, Brett Myers.

Alejandro: I’m not sure how long this surge will last, but my Center Field Stud keeps on climbing up the charts. Whereas my pitching was the fulcrum of my success two weeks ago, last week it was my offense that flexed its biceps. Magglio Ordóñez (about that first week, yea, let’s fuggedabouit) had a whopping 24 bases, contributing to a grand total 144 bases for the Stud. Carlos Lee also hit double digits in RBIs, pushing 12 runs across the plate. Aaron Rowand is showing signs of life, posting a respectable .423 OBP, hitting 2 home runs, collecting 14 bases, 3 runs, and 9 RBIs. Dan Uggla, Chipper Jones, Jermaine Dye, Hunter Pence, all had solid weeks. Too bad I can’t say the same about a few that I’ll name in the “not” category, below. My pitching was meh, earning me 5 wins, 2 saves, and 45 Ks (enough to win those three categories, but allowing a 4.00 ERA and a 1.37 WHIP. I did manage to eke ahead in the ever-elusive K/BB category, with a 2.81 rate. I do have to point out one Mark Hendrickson, who I almost dropped, this week earned 2 wins and punched out 12 dudes in the process (his ERA isn’t hotness, but I’ll take those 12 Ks). Once again, another solid week from CFS and a 9-3 victory. I now sit 11 games out of first place, and only 1.5 from overtaking Sarah’s Somerville Green Sox. Hot: Carlos Lee, Magglio Ordóñez, Aaron Rowand, Dan Uggla, Chipper Jones, Mark Hendrickson (ugh, how unpredictable), B.J. Ryan. Not: Hanley Ramirez, Alex Gordon, Fred Lewis, Emil Brown, A.J. Pierzynski, Vicente Padilla.

Paul: It’s a crazy mixed up world. It’s a Doggy Dogg World. The Dogg’s World. Truer words were never spoken by man. And this can be the only possible explanation as to why ElDuquesInjuryReport finally lost last week to Kirk’s Montefusco’s Revenge. My squad began the week strong, but as I checked the score on Wednesday, it was a total role reversal. Corey “The Guy In Shades” Hart and Ryan Howard simply eclipsed whatever little offense my team was able to muster. And Matt Holliday hit the DL, seemingly out of nowhere. Fantastico. To make matters worse, I sat Justin Duchscherer on Saturday thinking that I should avoid the Red Sox offense if possible. I’ve had better ideas, it turned out. And trust me. I’ve had some terrible ideas in the past. (Full disclosure – I forgot that yesterday was a holiday. I am sans computer back at home and can only use internet at work. Did not update my lineup. Missed Kazmir’s performance last night. For two teams. But I digress). I’m still in first place, however, with a 3.5 game lead over Scott and his Utley’s Firm Quads. Hot: Adam Dunn, Shane Victorino, C.C. Sabathia, Scott Kazmir. Not: Pretty much everyone else. Especially Kevin Youkilis, Edwin Encanacion, Kosuke Fukudome, Jhonny Peralta.

Sarah: By now it’s safe to say that the Somerville Green Sox have one of the hottest offenses in the UmpBump league. They tear up the charts every single week and they do it with only one can’t-drop player, Ryan Braun. Braun didn’t have even a single home run last week, yet my team finished the week with 15 round trippers, getting multiple dingers from Ian Kinsler, Xavier Nady, Carlos Guillen, Stephen Drew, and Rickie Weeks. Jacoby Ellsbury continues to be a stolen base and on-base machine, and Troy Glaus has finally decided to join the party. That’s how you end up with 146 total bases at the end of the week, the best mark in the league. But the question for my young squad has always been pitching. On paper, the guys I drafted looked good. But reality has been a different story—until now. I got a 1-run complete game from FA pickup Dana Eveland at the beginning of the week to set the tone. I got two quality starts from back-in-black Justin Verlander and a decent outing from Andy Pettitte. And I saved myself by presciently choosing to bench the ailing Roy Oswalt, who proceeded to get rocked by the Phillies. I even won the saves category (truly phenomenal, given that my closers consist of lost-in-the-woods Eric Gagne and just-temping Manny Acosta). I ended the week with an 11-1 thrashing of Pirates in 08!, losing only the strikeouts category, and moved back up to third place in the league. Hot: Eveland, Verlander, Kinsler, Nady. Not: Oswalt and Eric Gagne, currently chilling on my bench, but sure to be dropped soon.

Standings, with games behind:

1. Paul (ElDuquesInjuryReport) (0)

2. Scott (Utley’s Firm Quads) (3.5)

3. Sarah (Somerville Green Sox) (10.5)

4. Alejandro (Center Field Stud) (11)

5. Doug (Swamp Dragons) (11.5)

6. Bryan (Pirates in 08!) (15.5)

7. Kirk (Montefusco’s Revenge) (16.5)

8. Larry(croutchyoldman) (20.5)

9. Ania (Box89RowKKSeat14) (23.5)

10. Sooze (freebase my balls) (24.5)

11. Coley (Crunkball All Stars) (29)

12. Caitlin (caitlin grace) (32)

You may have heard by now that on March 31, Jose Canseco’s follow-up to his 2005 book “Juiced“, will be hitting the bookstore shelves. By the way, in case you didn’t make the connection, that’s Opening Day for many teams. But who expects a guy like Canseco to care about such trivialities?

Anyhow, The New York Times published a story yesterday that claimed that Major League Baseball had been in touch with the FBI  recently over an alleged incident between the former The Surreal Life participant and Detroit Tigers slugger Magglio Ordonez. According to the Times’ sources, Canseco posed a proposition to Mags – help finance my movie, or you’ll see your name in my new book.

Ordonez himself has thus far refused to talk about the topic in detail, but has apparently at least confirmed that Canseco did contact him. Mags then informed Detroit GM Dave Dombrowski about the situation, and Dombrowski alerted the Commissioner’s Office, who in turn called the FBI. The Times story goes on to mention that it wasn’t just Mags who was given this ultimatum. Supposedly, Ordonez’ agent, Scott Boras, was also approached with a similar proposition to keep his client’s name clean. However, no formal investigation was ever launched by the FBI – because Ordonez didn’t want them to.

“I didn’t want to press charges against him,” Ordóñez said. “I don’t want any problems. He is probably desperate for money. I don’t understand why he is trying to put people down.”

What’s also interesting here is that Mags is denying that he was specifically asked for money in exchange for the omission. Canseco’s camp is obviously denying the report.

So who’s lying? Did Canseco really give Ordonez and Boras an ultimatum – even if it was of the “wink, wink, nudge, nudge” variety? Or did Ordonez fabricate the story as a preemptive strike to discredit Canseco, knowing full well that his name is going to be in that book?

So it’s all said and done in the American League. The Detroit Tigers keep on winning and nothing seems to contain their momentum. So much for my predix; I had the A’s in the Fall Classic; I had them going down to the Mets, but as far as I was concerned, they were playing in the World Series.

To be honest, I had more of a spiteful analysis of this year’s playoff picture simply because I felt frustrated that the White Sox hadn’t made it. And on top of that, two former South Siders, who were huge for the Pale Hose while in Chicago, were heading into the ALCS in opposite sides of the diamond.

Both Frank Thomas and Magglio Ordoñez left Chicago in bad terms and both were looking to earn some respect outside the Windy City. Maggs most definitely got his; big Frank? He’s wearing a big fat skirt.

Ordoñez deserves to go to the World Series. He was my favorite White Sox for a while (I still have his #30 stitched to the back of my authentic home J) and I remember reading he was sad to watch his former teammates win it all last year one season after he had left.

The Sox let Maggs walk after the ‘04 season not without exchanging words in the media over the nature of the contract negotiations. In typical White Sox fashion, they offered an undervalued contract, which he promptly turned down. There was also some animosity between him and Ozzie Guillen.

The injury he suffered during that year didn’t help the situation. Maggs later revealed he felt Kenny Williams had hurt his Free Agent value by talking up the injury to his knee and the subsequent treatment he sought in Austria (a procedure not allowed in the U.S.)

In other words, the Sox and Maggs were not best friends. Oh yea, and then there was that profanity-laced tirade between him and Ozzie.

It’s not uncommon for the Sox to alienate their former stars; they did it to Robin Ventura, they even did it to Ozzie himself. And of course, they did it to Big Frank.

Now, don’t think for a minute that I don’t/didn’t appreciate Frank. He was the first Sox I recognized (other than Michael Jordan); my first White Sox collectibles were a Frank Thomas poster, his posing action figure, a “Back-to-back MVP” banner from his two awards in 93 and 94 and of course, Reebok’s original Big Hurt shoes. Gotta have the shoes.

But after hearing Colin Cowherd whine about how Frank was now making it big in the Bay because he was free from all the Media Scrutiny in Chicago; I remembered all the disputes he had with former managers (specially Jerry Manuel) because he wouldn’t be treated as King Frank. He would continuously go on a media boycott, refraining from talking on-the-record with reporters because his tantrums were, according to him, portrayed as, well, tantrums.

But wait, Colin, last time I checked, Big Frank accumulated all his power numbers while wearing a giant S-O-X on his chest; he won two MVP awards and could’ve easily won a third in 2003 if it wasn’t for our favorite Benign Tumor, Jason Giambi.

He merely was eligible for come-back player this year; sure he got his swing back but he had been badly injured last year. And even though he was good ol’ Frank of old in the ALDS, he pulled another Big Skirt, going O-Fer in the ALCS. Oh Why Does That Sound Familiar?

And now, after hitting the ALCS-clinching home run, Maggs is going to the World Series in true superstar status.

But dude, what’s up with the hair?