I was at Manny Ramirez’s first game at Fenway, when he drilled his first pitch for a home run over the Monster. I was there last year, in Game 2 of the ALDS, when he hit an absolute bomb over the left-field light towers to deliver the electrifying, walk-off win. And I was there for countless at-bats in between, aware that I was witnessing a Future Hall of Famer at work, aware that greatness was possible whenever he stepped up to the plate.

That’s over now. Now, the Red Sox have moved one of the smartest and most dangerous hitters in the game, a hardball god who, no matter what his other faults, always worked his ass off at hitting, for a hitter who, though younger and skilled, is of course a mere mortal.

This is looking more and more like a trade Boston’s front office wanted to make for personal reasons and less and less like a good move for baseball reasons. In addition to Ramirez, they also had to give up two good prospects who, even if they didn’t fit with Boston, could have been used to help get us something we actually needed, such as a quality lefty reliever, a young catcher, or a third base prospect. Instead, they chose to respond to a crisis that they themselves helped manufacture, with a deal that shipped their most productive hitter out of town. It may yet work out—but on balance, it’s not a good way to run a business.

So far I don’t see anyone in Boston interested in hearing the other side of this catfight—namely, Manny’s side. Nope, his complaints are dismissed as half-crazed whining. The airwaves and newspapers are filled with “Manny’s a bum, Manny’s a selfish child, Manny’s had to go.” I’m not saying those things aren’t true—I’m just saying there are two sides to every story. And so far, we’ve really only heard one. After all, unflattering anecdotes about Manny have been leaking out of Yawkey Way offices for a month now at about the rate that oil leaked out of the Exxon Valdez.

The Red Sox seemed oddly interested in escalating the controversy, creating a sense of crisis, and publicly humiliating their player—an attitude that may have decreased his trade value. As someone who lives in this city, I’m getting mighty tired of us/the FO/the media/large swaths of fans having to trash every good player who leaves town. Whatever happened to the bland-but-inoffensive, “The organization’s decided to make a change”? Although Manny, oddly enough, also did plenty to drive his own value down, once it became clear the Red Sox were not interested in giving him the four-year deal he wanted; this may have actually been a strategy to force a trade and wiggle his way out of the two option years on his contract, which had become an albatross. That, of course, brings you to Scott Boras—the man who announced A-Rod’s opt-out during the World Series last year. He’s got to be happy that Manny will be a free agent at the end of this season. After all, a four-year deal will be much more lucrative for Boras than the big fat goose egg he would have gotten had the Sox picked up Manny’s option.

There’s generally a Manny firestorm every year, so at first, I wasn’t particularly interested in this one. However, when it didn’t blow over, the writing on the wall quickly came into focus. Management was not playing the same game this time around—someone on Yawkey way had to call Bob Lobel with that intentional-strikeout story. As Lobel himself said, it’s not like it came to him in a dream.

And frankly, I know Manny makes about eleventy quadrillion dollars more than I do, but if some reporter came along and looked at all my sick days, I have to admit they’d notice that a few came on the Fridays before long weekends, or on 80-degrees-and-sunny June Mondays. So I would feel hypocritical calling out Manny for skipping work over the All-Star break. (Key AL East games? Different story.) As for the idea that he has faked knee injuries, the experience of having a boyfriend who recently underwent what was supposed to be “minor, noninvasive” knee surgery and ended up on crutches for almost two months has made me a little sympathetic to mysterious, lingering knee problems (and it’s worth noting that my honey’s issue never showed up on MRIs, either).

Plus, I’m getting a feeling from what I’ve read today in the Globe and the Herald, and what I’ve heard on WEEI, that there’s a sense among the commentariat that the city of Boston enabled Manny. In fact, certain pundits are practically foaming at the mouth at the opportunity to slam fans for the way we indulged and spoiled the slugger. Excuse me? Was Manny Ramirez not a grown man when he came here? And did he ever show the slightest inclination to let anyone—manager, teammate, fan, Dan Shaughnessy—affect his behavior on or off the field? Then there’s the ever-popular idea that Manny is some sort of idiot savant, a talented athlete who succeeded despite his work ethic, not because of it, and who has been “babied and pampered his whole life,” to quote the WEEI caller I heard this afternoon. I guess that caller also spent high school waking up at 5:30 in the morning to go running in the Bronx, a tire tied to his waist dragging behind him.

But I suppose, when a hitter of Manny’s caliber is forced out of town—forced by the front office, forced by his own disruptive behavior, and encouraged by his agent—we have to find a way to talk ourselves into his replacement. And Jason Bay, helpfully, walked into the Fenway circus and delivered a key diving catch and the go-ahead run in Friday night’s game. (Manny, I know, could never have made that catch, or stretched the extra-inning double into a triple. But the cynic in me says that with Manny in the lineup, the Red Sox wouldn’t have needed extra innings to score their second run.)

So I wish Manny well with his new team. I wish that now, the Red Sox could go back to winning and the city could just sheeeeuuuuuuut up. And I really, really wish I could overhear that first conversation between Manny Ramirez and Jeff Kent.

Let’s go to the links.

Read the rest of this entry »

Manny’s poetry has lately taken a darker, more existential twist. A brief selection from the “Enough is Enough” collection:

Tired and Silent

I don’t want to talk to them

about contracts right now. So what?

I know they got me,

but enough

is enough.

I’m tired of them,

they’re tired of me.

Contents of a Letter…Or Whatever.

After 2008, just send me a letter

Or whatever.

You don’t even got to call my agent

Or whatever.

‘Hey, thank you for everything.

‘You’re going to

Become a free agent.

We’re not going to

Pick up your option in ‘09.’

I’m happy,

But enough is enough.

You know?

That’s it.

Trade Deadline Assessment

They’re not going to

Pull the trigger, because they

Know what they’ve got here.

2009

Don’t worry about

It. Enough is enough. In

Oh-Nine, I move on.

How Much is Enough? [They Know]

They know.

You got to ask Theo and John Henry.

They know.

I gotta go hit guys.

My Job is to Play Baseball

I don’t care where I

Play, I can even play in

Iraq if need be.

For Manny’s previous works, see here, here, and here.

Mark Teixeira’s been getting it from the Atlanta Press, and up here in Beantown Manny has been hearing it from all the usual suspects: the Boston Herald, the Boston Globe, our sports talk radio station, WEEI, and on our local sports cable station, NESN. (Now he’s even getting lectures from Seattle cops for jaywalking.)

First, he gabbed to the Herald’s Rob Bradford about his contract situation. That drew an acid response from HOF pitcher-turned-colorman Dennis Eckersley, on NESN, and a truly bizarre story from Bob Lobel on WEEI, that Manny’s three-pitch K against Mariano Rivera was perceived by the front office as some sort of attempt to show them up for fining him. (An FO FU? Sorry.) For those of you paying attention to the calendar, the fine came in June, the strikeout a week later, and the report by Lobel nearly two weeks after that—the day after Manny’s contract complaints appeared in the Herald. Hmmm, that’s not suspicious.

And of course, cantankerous Boston Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy had to get his licks in a couple of times. (In the second article, Shaughnessy’s article refers to one “Ralph Nadar.” Hello, copyeditor?)

And Tony Massarotti, in the Herald, attempted to demonstrate that Manny’s antics, combined with his price tag, make him no longer worth it, because he’s supposedly in decline:

The Red Sox long ago chose to live with Ramirez’ bat and put up with his antics, mostly because he was worth it. But coming out of this year’s All-Star break, since the start of last season, Ramirez ranked 35th in the majors in RBI, trailing people like Jeff Francoeur, Adrian Gonzalez, Jose Guillen and Raul Ibanez. In home runs and slugging, Ramirez ranked a respective 44th and 35th.

Massarotti’s analysis goes beyond this—his column admits that it would be a huge challenge for the Sox to find anyone to replace Ramirez—but the above paragraph got picked up by WEEI on Monday morning, who rattled off the long list of those ahead of Manny in RBI over that timeframe. (For more on the trouble that the Sox would have replacing Manny, check out this column by Ken Rosenthal. Yes, Ramirez may be expendable—but Holliday and Teixeira are not the panaceas that Boston-based writers hope they are.)

The Worcester Telegram also picked up the charge, with Bill Ballou calling Ramirez “obnoxious” and suggesting that the Sox replace him with—get this—Brandon Moss. “That’s a smart business move, for sure,” wrote Ballou. Apparently, what Moss brings to the lineup at 400k is worth what Manny brings at 20MM, what with “the emergence of JD Drew as a production threat.”

Friends, this is where I start vomiting into my hands. This is where I break out into hives. This is where I break the glass, pull the red lever, and cry, “Stop the train! I’m getting off!”

I think it’s worth noting that these are all MSM folks. Not bloggers. The Red Sox blogosphere is remarkably quiet on the Manny front, in fact. Sure, there were a few angry callers to WEEI. But then, angry callers on WEEI is sort of like white on rice. So when Dan Shaughnessy writes about the “Hub of Hardball Hysteria,” as if the fans are the ones going nuts over Manny’s bad behavior, I wonder just who the “hysterical” ones are. Sure, there was the poll on Boston.com suggesting that readers are divided 50/50 about whether Manny should stay or go. Sure, there were some disparaging comments made on message boards—but there seemed to be even more defending Ramirez. So it looks to me like this is mostly a media gripe session and not actually the fan-firestorm it has been made out to be.

Nonetheless. I cannot stand idly by while JD Drew’s “emergence” is bandied about like some sort of real solution. I cannot sit here and let the blunt and contextless RBI statistic be the tool with which Manuel Aristides Olnecida Ramirez is bludgeoned in the press. In good conscience, I cannot allow Brandon Moss to be posited as some sort of “replacement” for the future Hall of Famer.

In short, I simply could not stand to look at myself in the mirror if I did not write today’s Metro column.

On Monday current NESN Red Sox commentator and would-be Hall of Famer Jim Rice sat down for a Q & A session with fans in Watertown, New York, as recounted by an article in the “Watertown Daily Times” and despite the fact that the article’s author takes a glowing, hagiographical tone with regards to Rice, and expresses complete bafflement that Rice is not in the Hall of Fame yet, Rice still manages to come across as selfish, delusional, and basically a jackass.

The biggest surprise was when Rice, despite being arguably and employee of the Red Sox, rips Manny Ramirez when apparently asked to comment on Manny’s 500th homer:

“I’m tired of people saying, ‘Manny being Manny,’” Rice said. “It’s not like I’d take my 11-year old kid to go out and watch ‘Manny being Manny,’ that’s not baseball. (Sunday) he hit home run 501, but, even though he hit 501 they still almost lost the game. Did you see those two plays he made out in left field? Now, do you want your kid to be ‘Manny being Manny’ missing those balls?

Apparently in an attempt at subtlety, Rice also took a less direct shot at Manny by discussing how he had the pressure to be a team leader, and just so happening to mention the time he allegedly saved the life of a kid who was struck by a foul ball in 1981.

Other surprising comments from Rice included the assertion that the only reason he is not in the Hall of Fame is because all the writers who saw him play are dead, despite the fact that most people think the only reason Rice has gotten as much support as he has is because the BWAA actually has too many old writers who are looking back through rose-colored nostalgia-tinted glasses.

Rice also claimed that the only people tainted by the steroids scandals are the players who took steroids, that those players alone are to blame for the infiltration of steroids in baseball, and that the game is entirely clean today.

Perhaps most bizarrely of all, Rice ranted that the major leagues today are “too big” and that this means that the quality of play is much lower, and that only a single player on the 2007 world champion Red Sox would *maybe* have made the 1975 squad that lost the World Series to the Reds:

“The only one that would’ve made it, is maybe Papelbon,” Rice said. “Because we had Dick Drago out there, Papelbon has a little more velocity than him.”

Overall, Rice seems to have a massively over-inflated sense of himself and appears to be more than a little out of touch with reality.

Manny Ramirez belted his 500th career home run tonight in Baltimore. (Why didn’t he do it on the West Coast road trip? “It’s too late, nobody would see it.” So true.) To celebrate the occasion, UmpBump presents its third edition of Manny Being Poetic, in which we take Manny’s quotes and rearrange them into the little philosophic bits of poetry we know they really are. Previous editions are here and here. Congratulations, Manny!

499 (That One)

Nobody cares

About that one.

That one’s

Over.

Everybody will forget

About that one.

Runner Thrown Out at Third

That guy probably

Didn’t see the video.

I’ve got a cannon.

Ode to Practice

I.

I invented

That throw that I do.

I don’t know how it started,

It just happened.

Like three years ago.

II.

I have to practice it,

Though.

I started to learn

How to throw it…but

I need to practice it

More.

III.

I haven’t practiced it

At all this year.

But I’ve got it.

High Five

I think that’s how you get your All-Star vote.

I’m pretty sure that guy’s going to vote for me.

One at a time–

That’s how it’s going to happen.

To Err is Human

I thought the ball was

Not going to travel that

far, so I missed it.

Tossed (The Angry Hamstring)

I was

A little mad.

My hamstring was

A little sore.

And in those situations,

You have to react.

Did he just do that?!?

Yes, he did!!!!!

It’s been a morning of giggles this morning here at UmpBump HQ as we try to digest Manny Ramirez’s ridiculous, hilarious, awesome double play from yesterday’s game. The best part may actually be when Manny’s teammates gather ’round to watch the replay in the dugout, and Manny then performs a live reenactment of the now-famous high-five.

As Nick likes to say, Manny plays the game like a giddy five-year old. (Or sometimes an angry five-year old, such as a few innings after yesterday’s catch when he angrily tossed his helmet at the first base umpire, dreadlocks flying in rage.) And clearly, Manny’s defense is potent stuff, because the baseball blogosphere is delightfully tipsy from contact with it this morning. Soxaholix reminds us that even when the team is on a four-game skid, “the glass is half Manny.” Gowanus Rotisserie breaks the play down into “the five stages of being awesome” (hat tip to The Joy of Sox for the link, who in turn called it the “ultimate Manny moment”). Sox and Dawgs has your top ten Manny moments and Babes Love Baseball calls it “Manny being Manny being Awesome.” Manny has often talked of his dream of winning what he sometimes calls the “Silver Glove.” He’s not shy about claiming he’s the best LF Boston has ever had, a claim Surviving Grady suggests he might want to consider retracting considering that Jim Rice is still a very, very large man.

But the most apt turn-of-phrase may be found in this article by Josh Alper for the FanHouse, presciently written earlier this week:

If the Gold Glove was an award for sheer entertainment value, Manny would have a dozen of them by now. Alas, the awards are supposed to be for fielding excellence. I know, I know, Rafael Palmeiro and Derek Jeter have won them but two wrongs do not make a winning argument for Manny.

They should come up with some kind of award for that throw he cut off in the outfield, though. After 100 years it’s tough to do something in baseball that no one has ever seen, or even conceived, before.

“Something in baseball that no one has ever seen, or even conceived, before.” Yes, this is the only proper way to describe the contributions Manuel Aristides Ramirez makes to these Red Sox of Boston. Manny, may the Monster rise up to meet you, the wind be always at your back, may the sun shine warm upon your face, may soft rains fall when you want an off-day, and until you are ready to retire, may Theo always pick up your option.

Manny Ramirez is continuing to issue prophetic statements in the guise of media interviews. Adding to our collection, we now present the latest quotations, taken directly from the lips of His Mannyness and arranged by yours truly into a series of short poems and haiku:

Pimp Jobs

I am trying to

get a hit against you. You

show me up, that’s good.

The Rivalry (Come On)

That’s the game.

People like to compete.

Just because you play

For the Red Sox

And they play

For the Yankees,

You’re going to go and kill each other?

Come on.

I Haven’t Thought About 500

I just love the game.

I just like to compete.That’s

it. To be honest.

Plate Discipline

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

All I Want (or Whatever)

After all this is over

All I want

Is for my kids to go to college

And to be their best friend.

That’s all I want.

I don’t care about home runs

Or whatever.

It Can Only Hurt the Ballclub

I don’t think much.

I love my job.

I love to compete.

Causation

He gave me a good pitch to drive.

So I drove it.

Mantra: Hitting Well in Yankee Stadium

I don’t care.

I don’t play here.

I can’t tell you why.

I wish I knew.

First Stolen Base Since 2005 (Why?)

Contract year…I thought

I was out. I was going,

‘Yeah, I got a break.’

If you want to see

The car, sometimes you have got

To let the car go.

It made me feel like

I was back in high school…Yes,

I went on my own.

For the last few years, Manny Ramirez had been something of a recluse in Red Sox nation. He stopped doing commercials. He never spoke to the papers. He didn’t go on television. But late last season, Manny emerged from his hermetic seclusion like a prophet returned from the wilderness. Nowadays, as befitting his new meditating, The Secret-reading lifestyle, he’s got the dreadlocks of a Bob Marley and the ‘stache of a Kahlil Gibran. And this week he offered some wisdom in haiku/poetic form:

Focus

It’s not hard to play.

It’s easy. It depends on

What you focus on.

Home Run Ball (Right There)

I was looking

For a good pitch–

Something that I like.

It was right there.

Like a fastball–

It was something like eighty–

Or a change.

It was right there.

Even When You Do Not Come Back

Even when you do

Not come back, we love this job

We love to compete.

All the Way

We never give up,

Man.

We just play

Hard.

All the way.

162

David’s gonna hit.

That’s why this is a hundred

And sixty two-games.

Hitting for him

He’s fine. It’s only

Fourteen games. If he doesn’t

Hit, I’ll hit for him.

Good Things

There are things you aren’t

Gonna like, but you have to

Look at the good things.

What I’m Not

Don’t know, I’m not a

Pitching coach. You got to talk

To the pitching coach.

Contract Extension (To Work Out)

Why isn’t it going

To work out?

Of course it’s going

To work out.

Everybody knows it’s going

To work out.

A Player Like Me

I

changed everything.

Boston never had a player

Like me.

They had Mo Vaughn

In the ’90s

But after that,

Nothing

Like me.

I went there,

And my attitude

Changed everything.

Booed

I can’t control that.

I just like to come and play

The game and go home.