When Jeff Kent announced his retirement recently, baseball lost much more than a great second baseman. It lost a great mustache.

Amazingly, Kent’s ’stache is not one of the handful of fuzzes that has its own entry in our Unfortunate Facial Hair pantheon. But don’t be fooled: his was truly fabulous fur. And it is not the only UFH that we stand to lose. Mike Piazza retired in May (and to mark the occasion Paul created a Piazza UFH retrospective). Now it’s looking increasingly unlikely that Sal Fasano will find a job. And both Todd Helton and Randy Johnson are in the twilights of their respective careers.

For the good of the game and, yes, for the good of America it’s time for these UFH vets to pass the torch to a greener generation. Here are a few young players who might consider picking up where the vets left off.

Kent’s actually toned down his mustache late in his career, but in his early years with the mets his flavor savor was large and in charge.

What would happen if we took Kent’s mustache and put it on Troy Tulowitzki’s baby face?

equals…

Whoah! Where does the line for mustache rides form?

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Here’s a note I found at the bottom of a Philly.com gossip column:

Twelve-time all-star and Norristown native Mike Piazza is writing a memoir that Simon & Schuster plans to publish in 2010.

The slugging catcher, recently retired, said in a statement, “I look forward to having the chance to take people behind the scenes and to talk about the many great people and characters I’ve played with and for.”

Umpbump’s Paul Moro ordered his copy of the book in advance. He’s a fan. And he’s no doubt hoping for a chapter on Piazza’s trend-setting facial hair.

Meeeeeeeeeemories….

Light the corners of my miiiiiiiinnnnnndddd…

Misty, watercolor meeeeeeemoriiiiieeeeesss….

Of the way we were… 

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Today, Mike Piazza announced his retirement.

I’m not exactly sure what is appropriate to say in this instance. Here, we have indisputably the greatest hitter to have ever worn a New York Mets uniform, arguably the greatest hitting catcher of all-time, and a sure-fire Hall-of-Famer.

On the other, we have a guy whose body broke down and who, to the best of my knowledge, couldn’t get an offer to play one more year, which bothered me for some bizarre reason. I have a tendency to write about a lot of stats on this site – mostly because it’s a way for me to see things as plainly as possible and without sentimentality.

But being a fan is all about sentiment. And I was a Mike Piazza fan.

I remember when I first found out that Piazza was coming to New York. I even remember that one of the teams in my high school fantasy baseball league (I think it was Scott Brancato’s team) enthusiastically changed its name to “MikePiazzaIsAMet!!!”. To fully understand what this meant at that moment, consider that the Mets began that year (1998) with a “heart-of-the-order” consisting of Bernard Gilkey, John Olerud, Carlos Baerga, and Butch Huskey. Not exactly Murderer’s Row. And now, Mike Piazza was going to take over behind the plate from Alberto Castillo. It’s a big difference.

For the next few seasons, there was very little doubt who the most valuable player on the roster was. Piazza was that guy. He was the one we knew would represent us well in the All-Star Games. Even in those years where the team was horrendous, he was a point of pride.

In the fifth and deciding game of the 2000 World Series, Mike came up to bat with two outs in the bottom of ninth, down 4-2, facing Mariano Rivera with a runner on third. Piazza was the tying run. Then he swung. And my initial reaction to seeing Piazza connect on that pitch was one of celebration. It just looked like a rocket coming off his bat. Of course, this was my mind playing tricks on me. It turned out to be a flyball that Bernie Williams caught with plenty of room to spare. It was hard to believe that Piazza couldn’t come through in a spot like that.

But that’s the role that Mike Piazza played for the Mets in those years. He never was a much of a “clubhouse guy”. He was a pretty dull quote. But those Mets were his team. And it’s a bit odd for me to reminisce like this, seeing as it really wasn’t that long ago. But as his injuries piled up starting in 2003, we saw Mike less and less. Maybe that’s why it feels like he was a part of my childhood, even though I was already 17 when he joined the team. And despite the fact that he was still on the roster until 2006, the dominant catcher was gone after the 2002 season. By the time he became a Padre, he was a league-average catcher who could no longer move behind the plate. And it really did bother me a bit seeing his name on the free agent list this year as the season began.

So I guess I’m glad that Mike has made this decision. Now, the only thing left for me to do at this moment is to have an argument with Nick about whether or not Piazza’s going to Cooperstown wearing a Mets hat or a Dodgers hat.

In this week’s Metro column, I boldly made the following claim:

[Manny] Ramirez is arguably the best active player to have never received an MVP award. He’s certainly the best active player to be so consistently snubbed; of similar players, he has the fewest top-five finishes without ever finishing in the top two.

But of course, Manny is far from the only great active player to never take home the trophy, and while I was cogitating about this column, I got to talking about these players with my co-conspirators here at UmpBump. We bandied about some other names of active players who have, amazingly enough, never won an MVP: Gary Sheffield and Jim Thome lead the pack, in my mind, and you could make a case for perennially beloved also-rans Derek Jeter and David Ortiz as well.

Sure, there are fantastic younger guys who haven’t won the trophy yet. But when it comes to the David Wrights, Chase Utleys, and Hanley Ramirezes of baseball, one can say, “Hey, he’s still young.” And there are deserving players who are always a long shot to take home the hardware simply by virtue of their position; most pitchers and designated hitters suffer this fate. (I’ve included Ortiz here on my list of snubs because a) yes, I’m a Red Sox fan and this is my list, you jerks and b) he’s finished in the top 5 of the MVP balloting for the past four years running—a neat trick for any player, even more so considering the entrenched bias among many members of the BBWAA against voting for a full-time DH.)

But with the Sheffs and the Mannys and the Thomes, it’s a different story. You can’t necessarily point to a certain year and say, “This is the year he deserved to win,” but you’re still surprised to learn he’s never gotten the trophy.

Of active players, who do you think is the biggest MVP snub? Anyone going to take a stand for Todd Helton? Or Mike Piazza, still technically active? Any secret Carlos Delgado fans out there?

Who gets your vote?

more at twiigs.com…

Of the many unfortunate facial hair patterns out there (and as we’ve seen, they are legion) the Fu Manchu will always hold a special place in baseball’s UFH pantheon. The craze began in earnest in 1975, when seven members of the Brewers sported the look, and has never quite died out. Favored mostly by catchers and relief pitchers, the Fu Manchu has become a hardball classic, as much a part of the game as cracker jack, pine tar, and organ music. To salute this time-honored ’stache, UmpBump presents the top five Fu Manchus of all time:

5. Mike Piazza, Catcher and DH, 1992-present

Mike Piazza gets a nod for his daring interpretation, whittling the ends of the Fu into these sharp little points, not unlike the fangs of some venomous snake. Pairing it with a blow-dryed “Just for Men”-esque coiffure, Mike looks downright dapper.

4. Todd Jones, Reliever, 1993-present

Todd Jones gets a nod for his painstakingly parabolic Fu, which looks like he sculpted it with a protractor. Extra points for the russet coloring.

3. Sal Fasano, Catcher, 1996-present

Few have done as much for the Fu Manchu as Sal Fasano. But it could be argued that the Fu has done almost as much for Sal. Without it, he’d be just another aging backup catcher flirting with Triple A. But with it, he’s a cult hero with his own fan club (Sal’s Pals). Indeed, as this picture shows, Sal clearly views his Fu as more than just facial hair…it’s a calling.

2. Rod Beck, reliever, 1991-2004

Rod Beck, may he rest in peace, had a classic Fu: thick and lustrous, sloping evenly down from either nostril, flaring slightly at the base but not at all bulbous, like Fasano’s. What’s more, the fearless Beck paired this beaut with a brash cascade of mullet. But even this wasn’t quiiiite enough to win him the top spot, which goes to…

1. Al Hrabosky, reliever, 1970-1982

The best baseball Fu Manchu ever belongs to none other than Al Hrabosky, who pushed the form to new heights with this flourishing, asymmetrical endeavor. Indeed, one almost wonders if the asymmetry is caused by the moustache simply growing too fast for Hrabosky to contain. It’s as if Al were some sort of Fu Manchu prodigy—while others struggled to produce a Fu of even mediocre caliber, Hrabosky was naturally well-endowed. During the 1977 season, Hrabosky was forced to shave his glory as part of a new team dress code. It’s no coincidence that “the Mad Hungarian,” as he was known, went on to have a terrible season during which his ERA ballooned to 4.38.

A Fu Manchu with Samsonlike powers? No wonder it’s our Number One.

For a guy who was rumored to be gay, Mike Piazza sure doesn’t have any trouble with women. He married playboy model Alicia Rickter in January 2005. Rickter is an actress, in the loosest sense of the word, having appeared in Baywatch Hawaii and The Young and the Restless, and several Playboy videos.

But less you think Rickter is a one dimensional dame, she also confesses an burning desire to paint. From wikipedia:

“Art has always been my true love. I really enjoy painting. It can be a very stimulating and sexy activity. One of these days I’d like to go to an art museum and see one of my own works exhibited.”

Rickter should be happy now that her husband has signed with the Oakland A’s. She’s a big fan of the ocean, as anyone who’s seen the DVD Shannon Tweed’s Celebrity Playboy Centerfold can attest:

“The beach is romantic and relaxing place to be. I was born and raised in Long Beach, California, so I feel very close to the sea. Fun and sun in the ocean breeze, who could ask for anything more?”

As for Piazza, I don’t know if he’s a beach guy or a skiing guy. But I know he’s got a thing for bunnies. Before he dated Rickter, he was shacking up with Darlene Bernaola, who along with her sister Carol were chosen as the Millenium Playmates.

How does Piazza do it? I can only assume very well and very often.