Every season, weird stuff happens. And this season is no exception.

Some of these mysteries are easily solved. Barry Zito, for example, was 2008’s biggest train wreck. Now he’s back, with his best FIP in four seasons, and his best K/9 since 2002. How’s he doing it? Turns out, he learned a slider.

Then there’s the formerly soft hitting Ben Zobrist, who is now a prolific slugger. What’s up with him? Turns out he took some lessons from a hitting guru.

Some mysteries are harder to crack. Here are a few of 2009’s unsolved mysteries. Can you solve them?

How is old man Ibanez this good? You don’t go from a .479 slugging to .716 at the age of 37. It simply isn’t done. What’s going on here?

How does Willy Taveras still have a job? He’s fast. I get that. But outside of his injury-shortened 2007, when he was 29 and at his peak, he’s never been as good as a replacement level center fielder. Now he’s 31 and declining and his OBP is .297.

What happened to Orlando Cabrera’s glove? Last year, his Ultimate Zone Rating was 14. So far this season it’s -7.6. That’s a drastic drop off. According to Fangraphs, Cabrera was worth $15.6MM in both 2008 and 2007. So far this season, he’s cost his team $3.3MM. It’s normal for a player’s range to diminish with age, but not this fast.

When did Marco Scutaro learn how to hit? Not only is the Blue Jays SS hitting for more power and better average, but his plate discipline is also much improved. In 2008 he walked 57 times. So far this season, he’s walked 56 times. That kind of patience is usually not learned over the course of an offseason.

Who are these Mets? Seriously, I’ve never heard of any of them. Argenis Reyes? Pat Misch? Where did they come from? You’re making Paul cry.

Has Billy Beane lost “it”? The A’s have been “rebuilding” for three years now and even with the acquisitions of Matt Holliday and Jason Giambi, this team looks to be getting worse.

What happened to Milton Bradley’s power? His isolated power currently stands at .138, which is his lowest mark since 2001 and is a full .1 lower than either of his last two seasons.

How is Brandon Inge doing this? We have no idea. But the Tigers 3B is on pace to hit 39 HRs with a .360 OBP (both would tower over his previous highs) while playing brilliantly on defense.

Why is Emilio Bonifacio still playing? Clearly, he has Marlins Manager Fredi Gonzalez’s mother tied up in his basement. That’s the only explanation.

What unsolved mysteries are you working on?

I discovered half an hour ago that WGN is in my cable package – awesome.

In the half hour since realizing this, I have witnessed Milton Bradley:
(1) Run on contact from 2nd to 3rd with 1 out on a ball hit directly in front of him, getting **TAGGED** out immediately.
(2) Completely lose a ball in the sun, allowing an unearned run to eventually score
(3) Catch a pop up with one-out, runner on 3rd, and then throw the ball into the outfield stands.

Absolutely priceless material.

Let’s make this Monday a fun day with some links to stuff that other people wrote.

• Jorge Posada thinks the Yankees should keep Joba Chamberlain in the bullpen. Fans of the Red Sox, Blue Jays, Rays and Orioles agree.
• Milton Bradley, who leads the league in OBP and is second in batting average and slugging percentage, needs 29 plate appearances over the final 12 games to be eligible as a statistical league leader. He also would reach a $525,000 contract incentive with 27 more plate appearances. He’s missed three of the last four games with a sore left wrist. While Bradley has been a star for the Rangers this season, teams should still worry about his injury history before signing him to a big contract this offseason. And that’s saying nothing about him being, you know, kind of crazy.
• The Braves have the highest on-base percentage, second-highest batting average and third-most runs in the NL since the All-Star break. That tells you something about how bad Atlanta’s pitching has been since the break.
• Another Braves factoid: On Saturday, Atlanta won its first one-run road game in a year. The Braves snapped a major-league record of 29 consecutive losses in one-run road games. The Braves lost their last seven one-run road games in 2007 and all 22 this season before Saturday.
• 
• Bill Conlin thinks Gavin Floyd would look good on the Phillies right now and points out that Floyd leads the White Sox in victories. There’s no doubt that, if he had it to do over again, Pat Gillick wouldn’t trade Floyd and Gio Gonzalez to the White Sox for an injured Freddy Garcia. But let’s not get too carried away with Floyd’s 2008. Among pitchers with 160 innings pitched, he’s got the second lowest BABIP (.238), behind only Tim Wakefield. So it’s likely Floyd won’t be as good next season.
• The Milwaukee Brewers have fired manager Ned Yost and replaced him with third-base coach Dale Sveum. MLB Trade Rumors thinks the timing is bizarre, since the Brew Crew is currently tied for the wild card lead. But Milwaukee had lost six of seven and four in a row. They had to do something. Plus, Sveum is fun to say.

This is one of a series of posts in which we throw feces at each team’s ineffectual attempts to improve and daub them with rosewater in those areas where they have managed to do so.

What is there to say about the Rangers this year? They’re clearly going to come in last—again—in an already weak division. (A division that only has four teams. Lame!) I can barely muster up the spleen required to rip them. So much for “in-your-face baseball commentary.” But let’s give it a shot anyway—after all, this may be the one post UmpBump writes about the Rangers all year. (At least until Milton Bradley acts up again.) To add interest to this fairly lackluster team, I will rely on an old writerly device: the exclamation point!

So I looked at the projected lineup of the Texas Rangers (below) one thing really stands out: only two players played 130 games or more last season, and only four topped 100 games! And when I looked at their starting rotation, I noticed that no pitcher on the list has an ERA of under 4.50!

Oof!

Texas is fielding quite a motley crew this season. Michael Young, arguably the only shortstop worse defensively than Derek Jeter! Josh Hamilton, who recovered from his crack addiction by finding Jesus! Milton Bradley, last seen causing himself a season-ending injury by trying to attack an umpire! Jarrod Saltalamacchia, who married his high school teacher!

Nonetheless, if I can set aside the ennui these Rangers induce in me, I have to admit there are some pretty interesting players on this team. Hamilton, for instance. In a recent article discussing Hamilton and Bradley, Jerry Crasnick writes:

At Rangers camp in Surprise, [Arizona,] they’re getting a crash course in what the fuss was all about. Hamilton hits high, majestic drives over the fence in batting practice, and his teammates strain for superlatives.

“We haven’t had any shortage of offensive monsters since I’ve been here,” says Michael Young, ticking off the names of Alex Rodriguez, Alfonso Soriano, Carlos Lee and Juan Gonzalez, among others. “But I think they might all take a backseat to this guy in batting practice. When you’re hitting balls to the opposite field off the top of the clubhouse, it’s just silly.”

His fellow Rangers attest that the ball even sounds different as it comes off Hamilton’s bat.

“I’ve never seen anyone as gifted as him,” Texas second baseman Ian Kinsler says. “He was born to play this game.”

Well, at least he should be fun to watch! And of course, Saltalamacchia will be getting his first full season in the bigs. That will be nice. And the aforementioned Milton is sure to entertain—for better or for worse!

Acquisitions: Milton Bradley LF, Kazuo Fukumori RP, Eddie Guardado RP, Jason Jennings SP, Chris Shelton 1B, Ben Broussard 1B, Josh Hamilton CF

Losses: Brad Wilkerson RF, Edinson Volquez SP, Freddy Guzman CF, Armando Galarraga SP, Sammy Sosa DH, Jerry Hairston Jr. CF

Projected Lineup, Rotation, and Closer:

SS Michael Young .315 AVG, .366 OBP, 9 HR, 156 games

3B Hank Blalock .293 AVG, .358 OBP, 10 HR, 58 games

CF Josh Hamilton, .292 AVG, .368 OBP, 19 HR, 90 games

LF Marlon Byrd .307 AVG, .355 OBP, 10 HR, 109 games

C Jarrod Saltalamacchia .251 AVG, .290 OBP, 7 HR, in 46 games

RF Milton Bradley, .306 BA, .402 OBP, 2 HR, 61 games

1B Ben Broussard, .275 AVG, .330 OBP, 7 HR, 99 games

2B Ian Kinsler .263 AVG, .355 OBP, 20 HR, 130 games

DH Frank Catalanotto .260 AVG, .337 OBP, 11 HR, 103 games

SP1 Kevin Millwood, 172.2 IP, 5.16 ERA

SP2 Vicente Padilla, 120.1 IP, 5.76 ERA

SP3 Jason Jennings, 99 IP, 6.45 ERA

SP4 Brandon McCarthy, 101.2 IP, 4.87 ERA

SP5 Kason Gabbard, 81.3 IP, 4.65 ERA

CL C.J. Wilson, 3.03 ERA, 1.22 WHIP (Though it could be Eddie Guardado by the time spring training is over.)

Grade: C

The best that can be said for the Rangers is that they seemed to finally admit, last season, that they weren’t going to win any time soon. They moved Mark Teixeira and Eric Gagne for prospects, and their farm system now looks better than most. 2008 is a throwaway year for the Rangers, but check back in 2010—if they haven’t done anything stupid, they could be contending by then! You never know! And as Nick so wisely said, “It’s not like they are the Pirates!”

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