Lots of people were really high on the San Francisco Giants this offseason, making lots of bold predictions about how they would finish over .500 and might even make the playoffs, predictions which were predicated on the Giants making some sort of quantum leap on offense from a performance that was second worst in all of baseball last year, to only the Padres, who at least have the excuse of playing in Petco Park.

But we here at UmpBump just didn’t see it happening. Still, while the Giants offensive suckage may not be surprising, it is still stunning in just how bad they are at all phases of the offensive game. They literally do everything badly – they don’t walk, they don’t hit for power, they don’t hit for average, and they strike out a ton.

The team ISO is a piddling .119, 29th in baseball. The team K% is 23 which ranks 23nd. And the team BB% of 7.4 comes in at 29th in baseball as well. Add it all up and you have a team that has scored a mere 90 runs, last in the Major Leagues.

Running through the starting lineup, it is easily possible to come up with at least one mind-bogglingly horrendous fact for every single player, without repeating yourself. Observe:

Catcher Bengie Molina has yet to draw a single walk, meaning that his OBP is actually lower than his batting average (due to a sacrifice fly).

Travis Ishikawa has a .528 OPS. As a first baseman.

2B Manny Burress has an ISO of .025. No that is not a typo.

3B Pablo Sandoval has an unsustainably high BABIP of .360, which is bound to fall. Not a good sign since 100 percent of his value is tied up in batting average.

Light-hitting shortstop Edgar Renteria is on pace to strike out a whopping 97 times this season.

Leftfielder Fred Lewis is playing corner outfield position but has yet to hit a single homer this year, after hitting only 9 all last year.

Centerfielder Aaron Rowand has a .299 OBP.

Rightfielder Randy Winn has a .220 batting average, a real worry since his BABIP is actually not particularly low.

Because they sure as hell don’t have any offense.

The Reds’ pitching staff, especially Johnny Cueto, Aaron Harang, and the front end of the bullpen, has somehow kept Cincinnati in the thick of it, just 1.5 games off the pace in the NL Central, despite the fact that pretty much the entire team is hitting .200 or below.

Sucking it - Phillips is batting .174

Indeed, an incredible five starters are below the Mendoza Line – C Ramon Hernandez (.175), 2B Brandon Phillips (.174), 3B Edwin Encarnacion (.159), SS Alex Gonzalez (.111), and LF Jerry Hairston Jr. (.179).  Hairston’s platoon partner Chris Dickerson is barely any better, at .214, and even team star Jay Bruce had to go 2-4 last night to raise his average to .238.

Outside of Joey Votto this team is pretty much praying for errors or hit-by-pitches when they are at bat, because their team OBP is a lowly .317.  It’s not even like they can get some runs back with the long-ball, having hit only 9 dingers so far.

It’s still early, but the Reds’ offense is looking pretty toothless, at 28th in the majors in runs scored. And even though some of these guys are bound to improve, its not as if any of these guys are really all that good to begin with, and this is basically the same team that was 23rd in runs last year.  So just waiting for these guys to revert to career norms is not going to cut it.

With their pitching the Reds have a legitimate chance to stay in contention this year, but they have to find some way to get some more big bats in there, and soon.  This is a team that could have really benefitted from signing a guy like Adam Dunn to a short-term deal.  If only he actually liked to play baseball, am I right?