Kenny Williams is a nonconformist. When other GMs zig, he zags. Just when you think you’ve got him figured out, he goes an does something crazy.

Take the recent amateur draft. Williams made a pick that only a father could love. Literally.

From Keith Law’s ESPN Insider draft blog:

The worst pick of the day belongs to the White Sox, who took GM Kenny Williams’ son in the fifth round. Kenny Williams Jr. is a senior at Wichita State who doesn’t even play every day and who was ruled academically ineligible for the 2007 season. He’s a good athlete and at least a 55 runner, but he’s 22 years old, played in 12 games in total prior to 2008, and wasn’t on most teams’ draft boards, although two or three other teams appeared to have had him inside the 10th round. It is hard to imagine that he would have been their 5th-round pick if his name was Kenny Smith, but the White Sox liked Kenny Jr.’s athleticism, something that was relatively scarce in this draft’s pool of college position players.

In baseball circles, this is called pulling a Schuerholz .

Seriously, Kenny, family is family, but this is insane. Most kids get punished for getting F’s. Your son was declared academically ineligible while playing varsity baseball at Wichita State, which means he basically didn’t show up for a day of class, and you reward him by drafting him five rounds earlier than anybody else was even considering? That’s some backward parenting, if I do say so myself.

Maybe you should ask Ozzie Guillen for some parenting advice. That guy knows a thing or two about tough love .

Oh my God, it’s June. And it’s gorgeous outside. And you’re stuck inside! The cubicle walls are closing in on you! You struggle to breathe! Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Don’t despair, gentle reader—just catch hold of this lifeline of links:

The Hardball Times posted a great piece on Johnny Cueto using PITCHf/x data. For those of you involved in fantasy baseball, it’s a must-read. For those of you interested in one of the most intriguing rookie pitchers to come up in a while, it’s also a must-read.

Royals Review has a fantabulous ode to light-hitting first basemen. Just a taste:

He wasn’t strong like an ox

And a pretty sweet mullet

Now THAT is must-read, my children.

Futility Infielder has an interview with 91-year old Marvin Miller, a former head of the players’ union, who respectfully requests he not be elected into the Hall of Fame, thankyouverymuch.

Stet Sports Blog thinks Ozzie Guillen should be fired.

Someone recommended I read this post at Sports Law Blog about media ethics. Frankly, I found the post a bit disappointing. It concludes, “I suggest the players unions and the leagues find creative ways to ‘deal’ with the media on terms that are mutually beneficial to both the participants and the media — in other words, cooperation and access in exchange for accuracy and privacy.” First, that bargain actually strikes me as the sleazy exchange that too often takes place in pro sports already. And second, privacy and accuracy don’t always go hand in hand. Spoken like someone with more perspective as a player or a lawyer (aha!), rather than someone who has actually tried to practice journalism.

John Smoltz reinvents himself yet again—and Shysterball can’t watch.

Another fun Slate article about baseball cards—specifically, the 1989 Ken Griffey Jr. Upper Deck card and how it compares (or doesn’t) to the T206 Honus Wagner.

The Loss Column prays for the new Orioles uniforms to stay classy, San Diego.

Razzball has an enlightening fantasy baseball glossary.

And Babes Love Baseball notes that in his last start, the Unit has tied the Rocket on the all-time strikeouts list. Who needs HGH when you have….mullet power!

I always like to read new things. Send me recommendations!

I do try to control my raging Boston homer impulses here on UmpBump, but there’s only so much a girl can do. I’ve just got all these BoSox-centered thoughts rattling around in the old bean, and I’ve got let some of them out! But if you stick it out for a few paragraphs, there will be some assorted MLB-wide random thoughts towards the end.

Curt Schilling may be an opinionated guy, but he’s not afraid to admit when he’s wrong. He played catch yesterday, after what he described as his longest period without throwing a ball since he was five years old. And he admitted that the course of rehab recommended by the Red Sox doctors—which he fought tooth and nail—is working. And the weight bonus has been dropped from his contract. Bartolo Colon is pitching for Pawtucket on Saturday. And yesterday, Boston’s other old man, knuckleballer Tim Wakefield, threw 8 innings of shut-out ball in Detroit. Good times for Boston’s venerable hurlers.

Gordon Edes (still at the Boston Globe, at least for the time being) had a quick observation about Julio Lugo:

Julio Lugo began the day ranked at the bottom of all defensive categories for big-league shortstops. He had the most errors (9), the lowest fielding percentage (.919), was last in assists per nine innings (2.36), and last in range factor (3.49). The rest of the Sox infield? Mike Lowell, Sean Casey, and Dustin Pedroia have one error apiece, Kevin Youkilis none. Most of Lugo’s errors have come on routine plays, an indictment of his fundamental skills more than his athleticism…

This jibes with what I’ve been observing. Lugo gets to the ball and then bobbles it, or lets it go under his glove, or even snags it and then throws it away. It just seems like he’s not focused, as if he’s thinking too many steps ahead instead—he looks like he’s taking his eye off the ball when it’s coming to him and then getting rid of it before he gets his feet under him. Basic stuff. Lugo has called himself an aggressive shortstop and has admitted that sometimes, his enthusiasm results in mistakes. I wish he’d get a little more Zen-master-like focus.

Anyway, compare Edes’ observation, above, with this sentence from Nick Cafardo, the man who took over the Sunday Notes column from him:

Is there a shortstop alive with more range than the Angels’ Erick Aybar (please, no “range factor” stats)?

Ugh. For the record, Erick Aybar is leading MLB shortstops in range factor this season. He’s 13th in fielding percentage. Or, if you’re Nick Cafardo, in “‘fielding percentage’ stats.” Cafardo also interviewed Johnny Damon, who sounds like a bit of an ass:

You’re 34 years old with more than 2,100 hits. Do you ever think about playing a long time and getting 3,000 hits and possibly making it to the Hall of Fame?

JD: “I’m starting to think about it. I never thought about it because it’s a team game and there are so many pitches I took to try to work the pitch count to make it easier on people like [David] Ortiz, Mike Sweeney, and Manny [Ramírez]. I mean, what if I just swung and got the hits and all the times I played when I shouldn’t have to make sure other guys stay fresh? If you think about that over seven or eight years, how many would I have had? I’m starting to think about it more.”

Apparently, Johnny Damon could have had a lot more hits by now, if he hadn’t been trying to selflessly help the team. (Whaaa?)

At a recent game in the Fens, we were sitting right behind the Boston bullpen. We watched Hideki Okajima rub the parrot for good luck before the game. We watched Julian Tavarez flirting with the girls seated next to us. Billy the bullpen cop saw an adorable little boy walk up to the metal fencing and peek down into the pen; Billy got Jonathan Papelbon to walk over to the fence and say hi. The little boy’s eyes widened to the size of catchers’ mitts. We saw the guys trying to throw pumpkin seeds into a plastic cup. (Only one seed went in, by my count, but some unseen hand was throwing those seeds with a lot of great, biting movement on ‘em. It would really dive in against a righthanded hitter, with good downward break as well. Wonder who that was?)

Boston’s now enjoying a 4-game lead for first place in the AL East. The Rays are 4 back, the struggling Yanks and the Jays a game behind them, and the Orioles are back in the cellar where they belong.

Other MLB randomness:

Have you ever noticed how Placido Polanco has a head like a midget? It’s a midget-shaped head on a regular-sized body. Strange.

Barry Zito will return to the starting rotation without making any appearances out of the bullpen. This seems less like a return to sanity on the part of San Francisco management than like they utterly and completely lack for any sort of plan, at all. But then, we knew that.

The players’ association is investigating suspicions of collusion regarding unsigned veterans like Kenny Lofton and Barry Bonds. But old is old and indicted is indicted, no?

MLB looked into the blow-up doll incident in the White Sox clubhouse and decided it was a “team issue.” GM Ken Williams has been assured by Ozzie Guillen that it won’t happen again. Yet the skipper has told the press he sees nothing offensive, immature, or otherwise pathetic with having lewdly positioned blow-up dolls in the clubhouse because it’s a clubhouse, and what happens in the clubhouse should stay in the clubhouse because it’s the clubhouse, goddammit, and if grown men want to play with dolls in their clubhouse than that’s their clubhouse-given right! Clubhouse. (Note to self: rename office cubicle “the clubhouse;” purchase opium; hire harem boys; acquire a quantity of mead, one of those roasted pigs with the apple stuck in its mouth, and a cake; send Outlook invites for Friday afternoon orgy.) Now, it should be noted that there was, at one point, a naked blow-up doll in my freshman year dorm room. I have no idea how it got there, but one day I woke up and saw it, lo and behold, perched atop my roommate’s wardrobe. And a couple of months later, it vanished. I offer this anecdote just by way of saying, random and tasteless blow-up dolls could happen to anyone, anywhere, at any time.

Arguing balls and strikes is a no-no, and last night umpire Phil Cuzzi tossed White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen before the latter had taken his second step out of the dugout. But that didn’t stop Ozzie from giving Cuzzi an earful after getting “bumped”:

The crazy weather hitting the southeast finally took its toll on me as I came down with some kind of nasty flu on Thursday. At least I can blame the 30 degree swings in temperature when I go in and out of buildings around Atlanta; what do the White Sox have as an excuse for their miserable flu-like 54-68 record, which is, by the way, good for dead last in the AL Central?

Well, Ozzie thinks they team ought to start preparing…

“They better start preparing because we hit the bottom already,” Guillen added. “It’s easy to prepare yourself when you are winning or the game means something. But you play to win, no matter what place you are.”

So I see. Now that we’re stuck in last place, a step below the Kansas City Royals, we should start playing like we care. Sure, it makes for wonderful drama, the team that’s 14 games out in the middle of August storms back in September to win it all. We’re this close, sez the GM:

”On the heels of a six-game losing streak, it’s awkward for me to answer the question in this fashion, but I believe we’re close,” Williams said Saturday when asked if the Sox could make a quick return to glory. ”Our starting rotation has been consistent, solid for the entire season, with the obvious exception of Jose [Contreras]. But I expect that to improve and get better.”

The good thing is Williams didn specify whether he meant if we were close this year or through 2010. Considering the Sox have done one thing different in 2007 (other than losing) in resigning their veteran leaders (Mark Buehrle, 4 years, Jermaine Dye, 2 years), my instinct is to take the news with a healthy dose of skeptical optimism.

As always, Williams knows how to tickle the fans’ big-name-free-agent bone, and he’s making sure everyone knows he’ll look to add in the offseason.

‘Obviously, sometimes you have to work within your capabilities and resources available to you, but our fans have been through it,” Williams said. ”It’s been a tough year. But our fans have been more than understanding. They’ve been outstanding in their support.

”With that comes a certain responsibility on our part to hold up our end of the bargain. As I’ve always said, I’ll let you know when we’re in a rebuilding mode. We still have far too many pieces that I consider championship pieces for us to go in that direction.”

Williams said with the players already moved this season, as well as tweaking a few spots here and there, at least one and possibly two free agents could be added.

”It’s pretty obvious what our intentions are,” he said. ”Since October of 2000, I made no secret about trying to be as aggressive — and in our quest to win a championship — as we possibly can be.”

So, who’s it going to be?

Dye not only would like to add a second World Series ring, but also bring a friend along for the ride.

Earlier this season, there were strong rumblings out of Texas that the Rangers had offseason plans to sign Dye and a certain wall-climbing Minnesota Twin free agent-to-be in Hunter. Dye expressed his excitement over the idea of playing next to Hunter — in any uniform — and the feeling from Hunter was said to be mutual.

Williams was in no position to show his hand Saturday, but he made it known that locking down Buehrle and Dye was the start of things to come.

Torii Hunter?!?!?! Ugh, that’s no way to appease the fanbase, especially not after landing squarely in last place. We know Williams fantasized publicly about Roger Clemens or Randy Johnson in years past, meanwhile trading Carlos Lee for a disable-list-prone Playboy Model. Not saying the Big Unit or the Rocket would be enticing now (they’re not), or that the young minor leaguers (Fields, Richar, Sweeney, et al.) haven´t played to their potential, but why not a bigger name than Hunter?

Perhaps it’s too early to speculate about 2008. Perhaps it’s not clear yet which free agents would be realistically within Williams’ radar.

<cynicism>Perhaps there’s one last push to make in impact this season. Perhaps. </cynicism>

I have to say, when I called for Ozzie Guillen to shut up so his team could play, I was betting on being the one with the controversial opinion; you know, going against the grain and stuff.

But now that the White Sox ship is quietly sinking (and fast), I have cemented my conviction that the season is all but lost. And Ozzie’s mostly to blame.

The Sox just lost their third outfielder, Darin Erstad, to an ankle injury that may put him out the rest of the season. On top of that, the team has been shrouded with controversy all thanks to the Media Circus that surrounds A.J. Pierzynski – most of which is simply made up by the MSM itself.

But now, el bocón mayor, Mr. Big Mouth himself, Guillen is pouring salt on the wound:

“I think we’ve got a great ballclub that can compete. … It’s up to them how far we can go. I think the talent is there — the people Kenny put together give us a chance to win this division, but we’re not playing up to our level.

“There’s no doubt about it, we have better talent than we’ve shown.”

Guillen spread the blame for his team’s struggles.

“It’s everybody,” he said. “It’s not fair for me to say this or that is wrong. Overall, when you’re losing, it means nothing is working.

“We haven’t put everything together yet. It’s the players, coaches, manager, everybody. We’re not doing our job. We’ve got to come here day in and day out and battle.”

And then there’s this article in USA Today.

Something bothers me when Ozzie is publicly worrying about his job. Anyone remember when he said that if the Sox won it all in ‘05, he’d quit? Sure, he was bluffing, but what about now?

You’re the manager, the experienced veteran, why instill insecurity on your team by wondering whether you’ll get fired or not when the team has expressed confidence in you by stomaching your antics?

I don’t want to pin it all on the manager, though. Before the season started I felt like Kenny Williams bet too much on Scott Podsednik, and once he landed on the DL, Williams had to scramble to get Erstad. (But now, after Podsednik’s second injury and Erstad’s bum ankle, the other utility outfielder, Pablo Ozuna, busts his leg as well. All three lead-off candidates gone.)

Granted, Williams has now taken a “hands-on approach” to scouting, meaning he realizes a shake-up is due at the very core of the team. But at this point, the White Sox have to admit they’re not going anywhere (as much as I hate to agree with Jay Mariotti, he’s right).

Bullpen isn’t anywhere close to what they were supposed to be, they’re 2-4 with a whopping 8.44 ERA and 3 blown saves in the last 19 games.

The starters have done their share; but the offense has not.

The Sox have 2 picks of the first 100 in this year’s draft. Buehrle contract year? Dye understands the nature of the business?

White flag…white flag…white flag…

A good friend of mine, and fellow White Sox fan, tells me that the Sox-Cubs series is one of intensity. Fans get pumped up, they throw beer at Cubs fans, they fill up the stands, and if you’re at Wrigley Field, they throw trash on the field.

Players and managers get amped too. Last year, Cubs catcher Michael Barret punched A.J. Pierzynksi in the kisser (something the Sox PR department would then use as a marketing campaign to send A.J. to the All Star game). Hell, even the radio people get into it. And even though I’ve never listened to Mike North, the radio shock jock at 670 AM in Chicago, some of you may have heard about his recent incident with Ozzie.

Colorful language highlights a “radio fight” between White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen and The Score 670 Sports Radio talk show host Mike North. The confrontation began shortly after White Sox pitcher A.J. Pierzinski [sic] told the MIke [sic]  North Show he was disappointed that he was not in Friday’s starting lineup.

A little while later, Ozzie Guillen called in and let North have it on the air.

Mike North: “How ya’ doin Ozzie?”

Ozzie: “Aw, shut the f___ up.”

North: “Oh!”

Ozzie: “I know you like A.J. …”

North: “Ozzie, wait we’re on the radio. I know you think we’re just having a conversation, but we’re on the radio.”

North’s warning that they were on the air did not discourage Guillen, instead he continued to curse.

“I’m trying bulls___ every damn day,” he said.

North: “Hey, Ozzie clean up your mouth. Don’t talk go talking down to somebody, you understand me.”

As the conversation went on, North got angrier.

Ozzie: “Why you talking on the air?”

North “…that’s my job, to find out what’s going …to to find out what AJ thinks…yeah, you’d better hang up the damn phone.”

Well, that just doesn’t surprise me at all. Some shock jock pushes AJ’s buttons; he then agrees he was disappointed he wasn’t in the line up, Ozzie takes offense to some radio blowhard questioning his managing, calls him and uses all kinds of nasty language.

And come to think of it, he didn’t even say anything!!

ChiSox fans know that Ozzie will have his flare-ups every now and then, but as someone who thought he’d never get under my skin, this radio incident makes me wonder: What’s next?

I guess it’s more fuel for the grill where two burger patties cook themselves every time interleague comes around. Read this carefully, though:

Moments later, he and Pierzynski met near the first-base line and then gave each other a hug.

“Ozzie and I are fine. That’s the biggest thing. That Ozzie and I know where we stand with each other, and I have nothing but respect for Ozzie and what happened this morning was just a misunderstanding,” Pierzynski said.

Williams didn’t seemed overly concerned about his talkative manager’s latest controversy.

“Am I OK with it? No, I don’t like the use of the language. But in talking with Ozzie, he was surprised when I informed him he used a few choice words that are really not acceptable for the radio,” Williams said.

“He was shocked that he actually used a couple of them to the extent that he did. So that was pure and raw anger that was coming out.”

Is Ozzie full of BS for implying that he wasn’t aware of all the profanities he was using? Or were they a by-product of the heated discussion? Is that going to be the case every time Ozzie decides to take matters into his own hands? Is that good?

Now that I see my fellow UmpBumpers up and about, I decided to get up from my couch, grill me some hot dogs and drink me some Molson Canadian. (They have cool labels in the back of the bottle).

I also watched me some ass-whoopin’ White Sox baseball; they romped the Tribe 11-0, in a game that featured 2 homers from big Jim “I wish he was on my fantasy team now” Thome, against his former team.

“Take that boo-birds” said the Sox TV voice, Ken “The Hawk” Harrelson, by which he really meant, “You ungrateful sons o’ bitches, here’s what you get for not gettin’ me the Standing O.”

The victory comes two days after the Blizzard of Oz went on a muy grosero tirade against his team, following a 3-2 extra-inning loss to the Blue Jays.

In all fairness, I really didn’t agree with Ozzie blowing off steam on the team like that. Yes we got our asses kicked Friday night and lost a tough one Saturday; but it happens. We had just swept the A’s at home, something we hadn’t done since the late 80s when all the current White Sox coaches were in the lineup or in the farm system.

Saturday’s loss was due to a lackluster effort, yes. And, although I thought Ozzie had overreacted (something I need to start getting used to), it paid off. The Sox beat the Jays yesterday and whopped today.

I have a small suspicion that Ozzie went off on the team because Tiger’s manager, Jim “I can’t kick the habit” Leyland did it early in the season. Somehow I think that’s Ozzie’s way of keeping up. Detroit’s up one and a half games in the central standings; they were up three and a half just yesterday, but I’m not sure they’ll keep it up.

And then again, I sound just like those overpaid “baseball analyists” on ESPN, none of whom predicted the Sox would win it all last year.

Now that I see my fellow UmpBumpers up and about, I decided to get up from my couch, grill me some hot dogs and drink me some Molson Canadian. (They have cool labels in the back of the bottle).

I also watched me some ass-whoopin’ White Sox baseball; they romped the Tribe 11-0, in a game that featured 2 homers from big Jim “I wish he was on my fantasy team now” Thome, against his former team.

“Take that boo-birds” said the Sox TV voice, Ken “The Hawk” Harrelson, by which he really meant, “You ungrateful sons o’ bitches, here’s what you get for not gettin’ me the Standing O.”

The victory comes two days after the Blizzard of Oz went on a muy grosero tirade against his team, following a 3-2 extra-inning loss to the Blue Jays.

In all fairness, I really didn’t agree with Ozzie blowing off steam on the team like that. Yes we got our asses kicked Friday night and lost a tough one Saturday; but it happens. We had just swept the A’s at home, something we hadn’t done since the late 80s when all the current White Sox coaches were in the lineup or in the farm system.

Saturday’s loss was due to a lackluster effort, yes. And, although I thought Ozzie had overreacted (something I need to start getting used to), it paid off. The Sox beat the Jays yesterday and whopped today.

I have a small suspicion that Ozzie went off on the team because Tiger’s manager, Jim “I can’t kick the habit” Leyland did it early in the season. Somehow I think that’s Ozzie’s way of keeping up. Detroit’s up one and a half games in the central standings; they were up three and a half just yesterday, but I’m not sure they’ll keep it up.

And then again, I sound just like those overpaid “baseball analyists” on ESPN, none of whom predicted the Sox would win it all last year.