So the Phillies are letting Brett Myers walk, and you can feel pretty confident that the biggest reason he’s not sticking around is he was a giant pain in the ass during his Philly tenure.

But let’s give credit where credit is due. Myers’ parting words were classy:

“I was just like, `OK, thanks for putting up with my (stuff),’ ‘’ Myers said. “He thanked me and wished me and my family well.

“I’ll miss the guys on the team and the fans who have supported me. Hopefully I’ll be playing against the Phillies and when I do I want the roughest treatment the fans can give me – when I’m pitching. I’m an opposing player – you have to give it to me.’’

Don’t worry, Brett. We’ll boo your ass. But you saved an NLDS, so we’ll refrain from throwing any batteries.

Last week, I wrote this somewhat silly Metro column about why Red Sox fans should root for the Phillies. I was being glib and slightly facetious. But tonight, I really do think that everyone in their right mind should be rooting for the Phillies — specifically, for Pedro Martinez.

There’s nothing like a good sports redemption story, and Pedro’s tale has all the ingredients. He has crazy hair, says crazy things, has a crazy secret love child. He is winless in his last 5 playoff starts at Yankee Stadium, dating back to 2003. He once admitted that the Yankees were his “daddy.” And he’s also one of the best pitchers of all time. (Remember that time back in 2000 when he posted an ERA+ of 291?!? Well, I do.)

And yet despite his sustained dominance — three Cy Youngs, eight All-Star picks, nine seasons with 200+ strikeouts including two seasons with 300+ strikeouts — he always retains the flavor of the underdog. Maybe it’s his diminutive size. Maybe it’s the arm-hanging-by-a-thread thing that’s made it seem for 10 years like every great game might be his last. Maybe it’s because he’s come thisclose to an MVP (in 1999, denied by voters who didn’t think a pitcher should win), thisclose to a perfect game (in 1995, when, after retiring 27 batters, the game was still scoreless) and now, just maybe, thisclose to being the only pitcher to win a Cy Young and a World Series ring in both leagues. Or maybe it’s because we remember that he was just the younger, smaller brother from a poor town in the Dominican; the one who might, with luck, one day be nearly as good as Ramon.

“I’m someone who wasn’t meant to be,” he said, “And here I am on the big stage.”

Here’s hoping he gets to take a well-deserved curtain call.

Last night’s World Series contest between the Phillies and the Yankees featured five solo home runs — one apiece from Hideki Matsui, Nick Swisher, and Carlos Ruiz, and two for Jason Werth.

Is there anything in baseball more boring than a solo home run? I mean, sure, it can be pretty darn interesting in the right context, like if it’s a walk-off solo home run or something. Or if it kills a seagull mid-air. But to me, a game with five solo homers tells you a) that the pitchers are throwing strikes and generally keeping runners off the bases and b) that they’re still not really pitching well enough to make the game interesting as a pitchers duel. For these reasons, I consider that a game with five solo shots has to be one of the most boringest kinds of games to watch.

Unless you were a Yankee fan, the most interesting parts of last night’s game were a) the appeal on A-Rod’s homer in the 4th (a two-run homer, let’s note) and when Jimmy Rollins tore up the basepaths in the 2nd, stealing second off of Andy Pettitte and swiping third (he then had to go back to second after Chase Utley fouled off the pitch). That’s about it.

Yes, the game was close enough to maintain suspense until the late innings. But I hope that tonight’s game offers something a little more interesting than the sight of one ballplayer trotting around the bases…five different times.

Last night, two Phillies players tried on new looks. Ryan Howard showed up for the game rocking the playoff beard, and Chase Utley brought back the slicked back hair.

Howard’s new look was somewhat unexpected, as he’s been hot lately and if there’s one thing Crash Davis taught us it’s that you never mess with a winning streak. Howard’s new scruff paid dividends in the first inning, when he stroked a double to right field. He added a single later on, and struck out twice.

Utley’s return to hair gel was a little less surprising, as he struggled in the NLCS, and a change was arguably in order.

I know Sarah cringes whenever Chase slicks back his locks, but I don’t mind. Granted, it’s not his best look. But when Utley globs on the gel, you know it’s business time. It’s what I like to call his Michael Corleone look. Remember how in the beginning of “The Godfather,” Pacino’s Michael is a newly discharged marine, still a little wet behind the ears and more than a little naive about the family business? That’s who this Utley, with the short hair, reminds me of. But by the end of the movie, Michael has been transformed into a cold, ruthless businessman/killer. That’s slicked-back-hair Utley. He’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse. The offer? You’re gonna throw the ball, and he’s gonna hit it out. Capiche?

Today the New York Times has a story about all the bitter Mets fans who can’t decide who to root for (or against) in the World Series.

Mets fans, let me make it easy for you. (Don’t worry, I won’t use any big words.)

The unfortunate reality for everybody in America who isn’t a fan of the Phillies or Yankees is that no matter who wins, you all lose.

One of the two fanbases is about to get insufferably obnoxious. You thought Boston was bad after the Sox won their 2007 World Series? You ain’t seen nothing yet.

It’ll take the Yankees fans about five minutes to go back to being every bit as insufferable as they were in the late nineties, when winning was their birthright. There is no chance — none — that nearly a decade of playoff stumbles has humbled this bunch. They do arrogance like Bob Ross did puffy clouds.

When the Phillies won their World Series last year, we Phils fans viewed it as nothing short of a miracle. We didn’t boast too much, because we understood that whoever or whatever higher power is in charge of dolling out karma clearly fell asleep at the wheel and we got lucky. But this year, if the Phils beat the Yankees there will be one inescapable conclusion: our team really is this good. And we’ll make sure you’re reminded of it often.

Like I said, either way one group of fans will get a much unneeded ego boost.

So who to root for? Simple. There are a lot more Yankees fans than Phillies fans. A lot more. If you want to minimize the level of obnoxiousness in America, the Phillies should be your choice to win the series.

Sure, there are other reasons to root for the Phils. A Phillies victory would further chip away at the notion that the AL reigns supreme. And it’s always nice to remind the Yankees that money can’t buy happiness. And wouldn’t you just love to see a close up of Kate Hudson consolling her man as he cries into her surpemely toned shoulder?

But really, it all comes down to minimizing assholishness. That’s what a Phillies victory would do.

Los Angeles Times columnist T.J. Simers can see the end in sight, and he’s a little bitter that his Dodgers are about to lose to the Philadelphia Phillies, of all teams.

Let’s take his insults one at a time.

As you know, Fox will be broadcasting the World Series and it likes to put the camera on the face of every single fan sitting in the stands, these fans as ugly as any in the country.

I’d like to debate the ugliness of Philly fans, but unfortunately Simers has science on his side. In Travel and Leisure’s recent “America’s Favorite Cities” poll, Philly received the least votes in the category of “attractive people.” Again. That’s three years in a row.

Nowhere in America are people more angry than those living here. During Game 3 they had their humorless furry mascot put on boxing gloves and take on someone who was supposed to be an L.A. fan, sunglasses, cellphone and all.

The furry mascot punched him out, much to the delight of the folks here who love a dash of violence with their sports entertainment.

Are Philly fans angry? Maybe. I prefer to think of them as passionate. Sometimes, that’s a good thing, and sometimes it’s not. But you won’t see many Philadelphia fans leaving a game in the seventh inning, as the LA fans are known to do. And you certainly won’t catch any of the Phillies players showering with two outs in the ninth.

During Game 4 the furry mascot took a small Dodgers blue helmet, placed it on the ground and then pulverized it, much to the delight of the locals. Same tired skits, by the way, they employed a year ago.

Same skits as a year ago? Pay attention, Simers. Those skits aren’t one-year old, they’re MANY YEARS old. They’re not tired, they’re classic.

But this is considered entertainment here, the only bright spot if they draw the Yankees now, getting a look in the mirror at fans who might remind them of themselves.

I’m being told that, according to a recent Sports Center poll, only about 8 percent of respondents want to see the Phillies in the World Series. Is that a surprise? Not really. I’m well aware that Philly fans are an acquired taste. But we have a saying in Philadelphia: “if you don’t like it, you can suck it.” It’s not quite as catchy as “Only in L.A.,” the current marketing ploy of the City of Angels, but it works for us.

Suck it, Simers. Tonight, Cole Hamels is bringing the heat.

After a fantastic honeymoon in Fiji, where we were cut off from television, internet, and all other forms of media other than the Fiji Times (which doesn’t publish baseball standings), the blushing bride and I returned stateside yesterday. We landed at LAX around 4 p.m. to discover 1. The Phillies were still alive! 2. They were scheduled to play the Dodgers in the NLCS and the first game was to start in an hour! 3. We’d miss the first half of the game traveling from L.A. to Tucson!

What to do? Our flight was oversold, so we volunteered to take the next flight. That gave us time to watch the game in the airport bar, and we scored free roundtrip flight vouchers to boot.

You might be wondering, “what kind of a baseball fan schedules his honeymoon during the playoffs?” But consider: 1. The last thing anybody wants to do after surviving his or her wedding is return to work on Monday. 2. Going to Fiji in the spring and missing the annual spring training baseball weekend with the guys was not an option. (Neither was missing the holidays.) 3. Jimmy Rollins has already predicted a Phillies-Yankees World Series, so I knew the Phils would still be alive when I returned.

Anyways, I’m back. But being away from baseball for over a week and then returning in the middle of October is a bit of a weird experience. Here are some observations from a guy who is jumping into the 2009 playoffs midstream:

1. I can’t believe that in the 1.5 weeks I was gone, the Phils’ bullpen situation seems to have actually gotten murkier. Which is not to say it’s gotten worse. Just less certain. Last postseason, the Phils went almost exclusively with a bullpen rotation of Romero, Madson, Lidge. This postseason Manuel is just making it up as he goes along. He is really grasping at straws, and his lack of a plan is making all us Philly fans a little edgy.

2. When was the last time Manny got a haircut? Did Joe Torre just stop caring about that?

3. What is up with the east coast? Did you guys even have a summer this year? It’s snowing today in Boston and the weather forecast for the Yankees-Angels series is horrid. Is this a global warming thing or what?

4. Vicente Padilla really is an asshole. Don’t you think?

5. When I said that Suz and I got to watch the Phillies-Dodgers game in the airport, I meant we got to watch all but the final three outs. We had to board the plane before the game ended. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that a nine inning game played between two teams not named the Red Sox or Yankees could last more than four hours. But this game started at 5:07 and was still going when we boarded our plane at 9:20. I know it didn’t help that Manuel used pretty much his entire bullpen. But it really doesn’t help that commercial breaks during the playoffs are twice as long as those during the regular season. Can we do something about this?

6. Chase Utley is in a funk. He’s made two throwing errors in two games and he hasn’t had an extra-basehit in the NLCS. Granted, it’s only two games. But he’s got this look on his face like something isn’t right. With any other player, I’d chalk it up to a slump or nerves. But with Utley, anytime he’s not playing well I worry he’s hurt. Because, frankly, he almost never struggles and when he does we almost always find out after the fact that he was playing with a broken this or a torn that. It’s a tribute to Utley that we worry for his health whenever he turns in anything less than a Hall of Fame performance.

7. So let me get this straight: While I was gone there was a kid in a balloon and for a whole day people stopped what they were doing to watch this kid float away, only to find out later the kid wasn’t actually in the balloon but was instead hiding in the attic? And we still don’t have healthcare reform? And Rush Limbaugh can’t buy a portion of an NFL team, but he can judge the Miss America pageant? Is that everything? Am I caught up?

8. I bet the Red Sox faithful really wishes Theo would have shelled out the cash for Teixeira. His decision to sign with New York could haunt Boston for years to come. This winter, the pressure to sign Matt Holliday is going to be enormous. Sarah is already starting to obsess over him. And not just because she thinks he’s hot.

9. Tsunami warnings make me glad to live in the desert.

The Phillies dodged a bullet. Today they found out that catcher Carlos Ruiz’s wrist isn’t structurally damaged and he’ll be back in action in a week.

Good thing, because after Ruiz the Phillies have zero catching depth.

And that’s really amazing, because when the season started the organization had a slew of catchers.

Here’s what happened:

Over the winter the Phils traded minor league catcher Jason Jaramillo, an above-average defender who couldn’t hit, for Ronny Paulino, a good hitting catcher with a reputation for dickishness.

Then the Phillies traded Paulino for lefty reliever Jack Taschner, who has bounced between the big club and triple-A this season. With the Phils he’s given up 36 hits in 28 innings. Paulino, meanwhile, ended up with the Marlins where he played 75 games and hit .278/.344/.435. Fangraphs says he’s been worth $7.7MM this season.

The Phils entered 2009 with Ruiz the starter, Chris Coste the backup, and prospect Lou Marson waiting in the wings at triple-A. Then the Phils traded Marson in the Cliff Lee deal, and they were down to only two guys with major league skills — Ruiz and Coste.

So the Phils picked up Paul Bako, a career backup with a good reputation as a receiver and absolutely no clue when it comes to hitting a baseball. Look up “replacement level catcher” in the dictionary and you’ll find a picture of Bako.

And then they put Coste on waivers to make room for Raul Ibanez, who was coming off a month-long DL stint, and the Astros claimed Coste (damn you, Ed Wade!).

And just like that they were down to two catchers, and one of them was Bako. And he sucks.

This week the Phils came dangerously close to losing Ruiz and entering the postseason with Bako as their starting catcher and minor league journeyman Paul Hoover the backup.

Next season, maybe Philadelphia should bring back the mustache, just in case?