I feel that Tuesday often gets lost in the workweek shuffle. There’s Monday, which gets a lot of attention for being first. There’s Wednesday, which gets to be “Hump Day.” Thursday is often “thirsty,” or at least gets a sort of half-credit for being almost Friday. And then there’s Friday itself, which, when it rolls around, we’re all so thankful for. But where does poor Tuesday come in? The shock of Monday has worn off, but the ray of hope that Wednesday offers hasn’t yet broken through the gloom. Well, I’ve decided Tuesday needs more love. And on UmpBump, love = links. So let’s get to ‘em. And let’s do it lineup-style!

Leading off, my own Metro Column: A Few Reasons Why Baseball Is Awesome. Need I say more?

Batting second, the June amateur draft is just two months away and The Baseball Analysts are getting ready with a must-read preview series.

Third, Baseball Musings points out that Randy Johnson’s loss last night was unearned. Literally—all the runs the Giants managed came as a result of errors by the D-Backs.

Batting cleanup, Beyond the Box Score looks at some hot starts (and a few slow ones) and identifies which ones are flukes.

Fifth—this one’s for all you Milwaukee Brewers fans. Take heart! There is one closer who may be scarier to have in your bullpen than Eric Smelly Gagne (as my Red Sox-loving roommate still calls him, and will ever call him): Joe Borowski. Bugs and Cranks has the hilarious, heartbreaking rant.  (VegasWatch also chimes in, pointing out that thanks largely to Borowski, the Tigers aren’t in quite as deep a hole as it seems.)

Sixth, Joe Posnanski has a nice post about airport security lines. (And if that’s not baseball-related enough for you, then you can read this one about how much he loves Brian Bannister’s slow-ass fastball.)

Seventh,  this Marlins fan has started Florida Marlins Finances to prove it to the management that they are profitable, dammit, whether they like it or not and with or without that new, taxpayer-funded stadium they want.

Eighth, via River Ave Blues: the Red Sox and New York face off again tomorrow and the first pitch will be thrown from space. (Side note: doesn’t it seem weird that the Sox and Yanks are playing each other again already? And that the Brewers and the Reds will also be facing each other for the second time later this week? And that the White Sox and the Tigers have already faced each other twice? And that the Rays have also faced the Yankees and the Orioles twice? Divisional face-offs are all well and good, but the scheduler may have taken it a bit far this April.)

And batting ninth, the pitcher,  Rumors and Rants, who brings us more good news about Randy Johnson: the mullet (pictured above) is back! It is just as I hoped it would be!

And as a sort of pinch hitter, I have to give a shoutout to Tim Dierkes at MLB Trade Rumors for giving me credit for my foresight on Kyle Snyder, who has cleared waivers and accepted an assignment to Boston’s AAA affiliate, the Paw Sox. There were doubters at the time! But I was right! And as regular readers of UmpBump know, there’s few things Sarah Green loves more in life than being proven right (coffee, my as-yet-unborn children…let’s see…what else? Nope, I think that basically covers it).

Via Deadspin and The Fanhouse, Dodgers Broadcaster Steve Lyons would like his homeowner’s insurance to pay for a little accident…that time a couple years back when he grabbed that woman’s wrist and demanded she show him her boobs, and then got sued. It was an Act of God, I’m tellin’ ya! But seriously, what would Vin Scully say? (Interesting aside: his official bio includes the line, “He has earned national notoriety as a staple of Fox Sports’ coverage of Major League Baseball from 1996-2006, where he earned an Emmy Award and two additional Emmy nominations during his tenure with the network.” I’m not sure “notoriety” was quite the word they wanted right there, but it certainly seems appropriate now.)

Over at Salon, King Kaufman has an interesting meditation on the no-hitter—why it’s superior to other athletic achievements and why he tries to jinx them at every opportunity.

DBacksBuzz notes that Randy Johnson did not fare well in his start for the AAA Tucson Sidewinders last night. ExtraBases notes that Bartolo Colon was strong in yesterday’s AAA Pawtucket Red Sox opener.

BlessYouBoys on Detroit’s April stupor.

DodgerThoughts defends bloggers against—guess who?—Murray Chass. The blog’s author, Jon Weisman, followed the New York Times columnist on Charlie Steiner’s XM talk show yesterday. Chass, predictably, used his airtime to rail against bloggers. Weisman gave a thoughtful, measured response, thus demonstrating that bloggers = more thoughtful, measured than Murray Chass. In his post, Weisman also notes that despite the knock that bloggers live in their parents’ basements, the only time when he’s actually moved back in with his parents was during his two-year stint as a beat reporter. (Hat tip to BrewCrewBall, where I read it first.)

And finally, Beyond the Box Score had a bunch of good tidbits yesterday (Bill James on Fenway’s left field, the first of many Joe Torre managing miscues, and what PETA would like to call the new Nationals ballpark (hint: it’s not Furmeat Field).

Earlier this week, Sarah pointed out that Babes Love Baseball is previewing each MLB team — in haiku form. Not to be outdone, Jos Posnanski is writing limericks about each team’s chances.

Remember that ESPN Page 2 story about how ballplayers don’t care about politics? Well, Jimmy Rollins is into politics. Maybe he and C.J. Wilson could be buds?

While Rollins is reading up on the candidates, Brett Myers must be spending a lot of time at the lanes. The 700 Level reports that Myers bowled a near-perfect game the other night at a team bowling event — a 279.

Flotsam media uses a golfer’s attack on a bird as an excuse to post video of a Randy Johnson fastball exploding a dove. I will never get tired of that video.

Jim Baker at BP Unfiltered speaks for all of us when he expresses his hatred for making mistakes in his column. We’ve all been there, and we hear ya, Jim.

Here’s a fascinating story, courtesy of the Wall Street Journal, via USS Mariner. The St. Louis Cardinals are inviting fans to submit scouting reports on promising college ballplayers.

When the submissions are in, the team plans to send its own scouts to evaluate a handful of the most interesting prospects and, in June, to possibly select one or more of them in baseball’s amateur draft. The winning fan — the one whose entry is judged most compelling, whether a player is drafted or not — gets a trip to St. Louis to see a pair of ball games.

Pretty cool, right?

Now that Randy Johnson is back in Arizona, we can let the rejoicing commence—no longer restrained by George Steinbrenner’s regime of clean-cut totalitarianism, the free world can expect a return to Johnson’s storied mullet-and-mustache combo. Huzzah!

Johnson, for his part, hopes a change of scenery will bring about some other changes too, most notably the size of his ERA and the health of his back:

“I’m excited about being back here to finish my career, absolutely,” Johnson said Tuesday at a Chase Field news conference. “Seems like youth has been a big thing here. Well, maybe this will be a fountain of youth coming back here and playing with a lot of young players.”

[…]

“A lot of people say my career is over,” Johnson said. “I had a 5.00 ERA. Well, I was out there pitching with a bad back for most of the year.”

A bad back, and an unflattering hairstyle. Johnson is one of those rare men who just don’t look like themselves with normative barbering. Nevertheless, the Big Unit expressed no regrets about his time in the Big Apple:

“The run that I had, as short-lived as it was, as well-documented as it was in New York, I wouldn’t change a thing. I think those are life experiences that make a man. I made some mistakes there; I fessed up to the mistakes that I made. On the field, I gave everything I had.”

Including the very hair on his face. Yet still, he got no love from Yankees fans frustrated by Johnson’s sudden spiral into (relative) mediocrity. Randy, how did that make you feel?

“As a consumer myself, when I buy a steak or go to the movies, if it’s not a good steak I send it back and if it’s not a good movie I usually leave. If I didn’t pitch well there, they’d boo me… It’s completely understandable.”

As a consumer myself, when I get a haircut, I drive down to Rhode Island to see the same stylist I’ve relied on since college. If she wasn’t so good, I wouldn’t do it…It’s completely understandable. 

While I seethe at the trade because yet again the Yankees have made a laughingstock of their trading partner, I must admit that I am happy to see Johnson go back to Arizona, where at last his locks can flow freely once more. And who knows, maybe The Mullet had secret powers. It wouldn’t be the first time.

Hence I raise my coffee mug to you, Randy Johnson. May the sun shine in your enemies eyes, the wind be forever blowing in, the pitcher’s mound rise to meet you, and until we meet again, may God hold your gently fluttering tresses in the palm of His hand.

So I was driving home last night, through the rain, from my Aunt’s house in the Baltimore suburbs to my parents’ house in the Philadelphia suburbs, listening to Arizona Diamondbacks manager Bob Melvin give an interview on sattelite radio.

Melvin was all, “We’ve got a lot of young, exciting players. I think the next few years are going to be really exciting, with a lot of young guys coming up.” Etc, etc.

Then a news report comes on. The Diamondbacks are trying to trade a package of three players (two of whom are believed to be prospects) for Randy Johnson.

Now, if you’re a young team, the quickest way to get old fast is to trade for Randy Johnson. He’s the oldest player in the world. Okay, technically Julio Franco is the oldest player in the world. But Franco is a kid in a 50 year-old’s body. Johnson has been an old man in a kid’s body since the day he joined the league. Except now he’s an old man in a decaying 43 year-old body.

I just can’t imagine wanting Randy Johnson on my team right now. Sure, he’s going to win his 300th game this year. And that will be special. And it would be great if he could do it in Arizona, a team where he spent some of his best seasons.

But Johnson will cost a lot of money. He’s due $16 million this season, and the Yankees reportedly don’t want to pay any of it. Plus, there’s no reason to think that Johnson will be any better this year than he was last year. And he wasn’t very good last year.

The best part of the Johnson to Arizona rumor is this tidbit from the ESPN.com report:

In need of starting pitching — and a marquee name that will draw more fans — the Diamondbacks have offered a package of at least three players, including a major-leaguer. They would also want a 72-hour window to negotiate an extension with Johnson, who is owed $16 million in the final year of his contract.

An extension? He’s 43! He’s coming off back surgery!

Even more amazing, the Padres are reportedly also trying to land Johnson and are dangling coveted reliever Scott Linebrink (is there a trade rumor that doesn’t involve Linebrink?).

I just don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how you, as a GM, convince yourself that trading for a 43 year-old pitcher who’s coming off a mediocre season and subsequent back surgery is a good idea, especially when that pitcher makes $16 million a season. I know he was good in the past, but the past is the past. Welcome to 2007.