He moved in front of me until we were chest to chest and then he shoved me to the ground. When I attempted to get to my feet, he shoved me a second time.

This was not taken from a script of a Lifetime Original Movie starring Joanna Kerns. These are the words of Astros GM Ed Wade describing his encounter with pitcher Shawn Chacon, who was put on waivers yesterday after admitting to putting his hand around Wade’s throat and throwing him down to the ground.

As a follow-up story, The Houston Chronicle’s Jose de Jesus Ortiz wonders what exactly is going on between the Houston pitchers and their coaches, more specifically, pitching coach Dewey Robinson.

De Jesus Ortiz recounts an incident back on May 17 - facing the Texas Rangers, Astros ace Roy Oswalt complained to Robinson of pain in his groin after completing the sixth inning. Instead of being taken out, Oswalt was asked to give the team one more inning, but instead failed to record an out in the seventh (gave up consecutive hits to Ian Kinsler and Michael Young) before being removed. Following the game, Oswalt told reporters:

“”I told (Manager Cecil Cooper and Robinson) I thought (the 6th inning) was it,” he said after the game. “They wanted me to go one more.”

What makes this strange, however, is that Astros manager Cecil Cooper recounted this very differently:

“He just said he thought he could go back out for the seventh,” Cooper said. “We felt we could get one more out of him.”

Sounds like someone’s lying, or to put it more nicely, someone has “communication problems”. Anyhow, back to de Jesus Ortiz’ column. Cecil Cooper obviously denies that there is a communication problem between the pitching corps and their coach. Oswalt, however, uses words that are probably a little too open to interpretation when talking about his first year manager and pitching coach:

“I won’t say it’s a communication problem. Sometimes we see different from them, and they see it different from us. You still have to play no matter what.”

“I think it’s a lot of (it happening to be the) first time they’ve done this job. You worry about too many things at one time instead of just being worried about being focused on the team and know that everybody here is trying to give 100 percent. Sometimes the game is starting to look a little easier from the sideline than it does on the field. Overall, it’s just trying to get accustomed to the job.”

I can’t say that I blame Oswalt if he’s sounding a bit frustrated. I mean, Dewey Robinson seems to endorse the most useless baseball “skill-enhancing” product I have ever seen. Apparently, pitchers’ in-game performances are elevated by 3 bazillion percent when you begin calling the outside corner of the plate “7″.

Thanks goes out to Zvee Geffen for pointing out the Oswalt-part of the story.

Week 11 of UmpBump.com’s fantasy league has come to a close and some trends have come and gone, while others are here to stay. Alejandro lost for the first time in 6 weeks, Paul stays on top edging a few half games more over the rest of the pack, and Utley’s Firm Quads keeps adding to his league-leading 44 moves. The mystery of the week however is the whereabouts of one caitlin grace who managed to pull off a draw (a tie!!) with Swamp Dragons even though she has zero roster moves, and hasn’t altered her line up or rotation in a while.

Alejandro: I knew it! Well, all good things must come to an end, so my winning streak is now over. Though it was good while it lasted, it exposed a major weakness in my team: streaky hitters. My offense went down the tubes this week with all of my “studs” taking a leave of absence in production. I mean, how can I lose to a team with Casey Blake, Placido Polanco, MIke Lowell and Christian Guzman in the infield, and an injured Manny Ramirez? Well, you start with horrible performances by Dan Uggla, Connor Jackson, AJ Pierzynski, Hanley Ramirez, etc, etc, etc. I only had two players with an .OBP higher than .500 this week, and only one of them fits into the “hot” category. My pitching gave me a fighting chance at overcoming the eventual 7-4 defeat, but a particularly disastrous week by one Todd Wellemeyer (a football-score-like 21.60 ERA) did me under. But you wanna know how bad my team was? I actually won in the ERA stat this week, which means Box89RowKKSeat14 caught my Center Field Stud at the wrong time. Ania, you got away this week! Hot: Carlos Lee, Josh Beckett (yes, Lindsay, 1w, 9ks, and 2.77 makes him hot), Tim Lincecum (Mr. Reliable), Kerry Wood. Not: The rest of ‘em.

Paul: In the kind of battle that will forever be compared to the one at Helm’s Deep (I hate myself sometimes), I took on the mighty forces of 2nd-place Utley’s Firm Quads (Scott). Having only been three games ahead going into last week, I began to wonder if my reign atop the standings would come to an end. But Hazzah! ElDuquesInjuryReport squeaked out a 6-5-1 victory. Offensively, there really wasn’t a star, but the players had enough decent performances to carry me through. On the pitching side, Ted Lilly and C.C. Sabathia combined to pitch 29 2/3 innings and gave up only 6 runs while striking out 29 guys and winning all four starts to boot. And I feel like we as a people aren’t doing enough to recognize the work of Justin Duchscherer this year. He’s not going to keep putting up Cy Young numbers, but he’s more than a solid option who deserves attention. Hot: Kevin Youkilis, Ted Lilly, C.C. Sabathia, Justin Duchscherer. Not: Jhonny Peralta, Shane Victorino, Chris B. Young, George Sherrill, Ryan Franklin.

Coley: Sooze and I battled to a tie this week. But we also exchanged a few players. And, I daresay I got the better end of the deal. I sent her Carlos Pena, Jorge Posada and Jay Bruce in exchange for Jack Cust and Mark Teixeira. I love this trade because my team’s OPB needed a boost and Cust is an OBP machine. And I desperately wanted an upgrade over Pena at 1B, and Teixeira fits the bill. Moreover, Tex is a notorious second-half player who’s in a contract year and I expect big things from him as the season winds down. Sure, it hurts to give up on Bruce, but my outfield was stacked (and remains so with the addition of Cust). And I was going to cut Posada anyways. In other news, Rich Harden has been stellar since I traded Todd Helton for him last week, knock on wood. Also Chone Figgins came off the DL and replaced Scott Rolen at third. And Dice-K is getting ready to return to the mound. Things are looking up. Hot: Harden, Brad Lidge, Vlad Guerrero. Not: Benjie Molina, C.J. Wilson, Brett Myers.

Sarah: I took some crap on our league message board this week for leaving Roy Oswalt and Andy Pettitte on the bench, only to have the two of them both turn in stellar outings. But what was I supposed to do? Last week I sent Pettitte out against the Royals, only to have him get shelled, and Roy Oswalt has been screwing the Somerville Green Sox all season long. As it was, I won, but only 7-5. And in the end, though I lost out on K/BB and strikeouts (by two whiffs!), I did win ERA, WHIP, and Wins. And on the offensive end, there’s been no hotter hitter over the last couple of weeks than JD Drew. He contributed three homers and a .500 OBP to the Green Sox last week. Hot: Drew, Troy Glaus, Matt Cain. Not: Johnny Cueto (what to do, what to do?!), Vernon Wells, Matt Kemp.

Standings (games behind)

1. Paul - ElDuquesInjuryReport ( - )
2. Scott - Utley’s Firm Quads ( 4.5 )
3. Doug - Swamp Dragons ( 5.5 )
4. Alejandro - Center Field Stud ( 9.5 )
5. Sarah - Somerville Green Sox ( 13 )
6. Bryan - Pirates in ‘08! ( 23 )
7. Kirk - Montefusco’s Revenge ( 24.5 )
8. Ania - Box89RowKKSeat14 ( 25.5 )
9. Coley - Crunkball All-Stars ( 29 )
10. Larry - croutchyoldman ( 29 )
11. Sooze - freebase my balls ( 35 )
12. Caitlin - caitlin grace ( 35.5 )

Sunday night is a bittersweet time. You’re all nice and relaxed from the weekend…but then…what’s that noise?! Did you hear something lurking in the shadows? GAAAH! It’s MONDAY MORNING! RUUUNNN!!! So here’s a few links to lull you back into a false sense of security:

Fire Brand of the American League on the Roy Oswalt - to - Boston - at - the - deadline rumors.

The Kansas City Star on all the stuff you can get with a Royals ticket stub (warning: you may need an Excel spreadsheet to keep track of it all).

The Bleacher Report on what the Rangers could do to become contenders—this season.

The Other Fifteen made a heat map to compare Tulo’s range with Jeter’s. Guess who wins!

View from the Cheap Seats is piiiiiiiissed at Tony LaRussa for letting Adam Wainwright chuck 130 pitches when he’s the Cards’ only good, healthy starter. Viva El Birdos is also concerned.

Phil Hughes lets Morgan Ensberg guest blog. The results are sort of like a Jackson Pollock painting.

Keith Law went to a wedding. The DJ played “Sweet Caroline”….and paused for the fans guests to shout BAHM BAHM BAAAHM and SO GOOD! SO GOOD! SO GOOD! How odd.

River Ave Blues gulps and delivers the bad news: Jorge Posada’s shoulder is still not better. Will the Yanks have to bite the bullet and get a backup for their backup? Doug Mirabelli’s available… (DOUGIE’S GOING DEEP!)

Baseball Prospectus on just how insane Cliff Lee has been to start the season.

High Cheese notes that Tom Gorzelanny’s bobblehead is making an obscene gesture.

And finally, Sox and Dawgs has the latest crop of Red Sox charity wines. Last year, we had Schilling Schardonnay, Caberknuckle, and my personal favorite, Manny Being Merlot. I was hoping the Sox would branch out into beer and hard liquor (“Coco’s Crisp IPA: Packed with good hops” or “Varitek Vodka: Intangibly Smooth”) but no such luck. This year’s puns are Sauvignyoouuk (witty), Captain’s Cabernet (yawn), and Vintage Papi (super-yawn). I’m disappointed, quite frankly. What about the Papi Pinot I requested? The Matsu-sake?! Pedroia’s Petite Sirah? Buchholztraminer?!?

What else should I be reading? Email me!