Because I just bought myself a Fedora hat and I feel rebellious, I’ll start my AL Central run-down in reverse order of last year’s standings. Eat it!

Kansas City Royals: Keep drinking that PR Kool Aid (and then add another starter)

A habit of mine is to browse the PR machines for each team whenever I need some research for my posts. Fortunately, I’ve learned to wear my reporter’s hat and cull the spin for what it is and extract the good bits of information. It’s a bit sad, however, to know that there are legions of fans out there who, in their hunger for news about their favorite teams, will eat up this stuff whole.

If we are to believe the Royal’s Press Machine, the team is poised to climb up the ranks this year. If only we could slice away one-third of the season, the Royals would’ve had a .500 record in 2007!

So with that in mind (and now that they have Trey Hillman as their new manager), the Royals think they’re all set for 2008, save a starter or two. Gil Meche will continue to be an underachieving, overpriced, overpaid veteran; Brian Bannister will be a decent second tier starter who can get you 12 wins, and then, well, then things get interesting. The enigma that is Zack Greinke will start out of the third slot in the rotation and you can stop counting there. Jorge de la Rosa could have a good year, but it doesn’t mean the Royals will stop looking for other starters (et tu, Bartolo?)

In their defense, the Royals have been able to hold on to a group of talented young players, out of which, superstar-in-the-making Alex Gordon stands out. Of course, last year’s pleasant surprise was Joakim Soria’s emergence as the team’s closer - and come to think of it, the departure of David Riske has left a gaping hole (ok, not really, but hey, it’s the Royals) in the bullpen, so a good set-up man wouldn’t hurt.

Chicago White Sox: *sigh* A center fielder (and maybe keep losing)

Anybody who’s going to say that Nick Swisher was the Sox’ pick to start at center field in 2008 needs to brush up on their White Sox news. After failing (miserably) to land a good CF, White Sox GM Kenny Williams decided to pull some of his trademarked “under-the-radar” moves. This time, however, the moves where so off the radar, they bewildered even the most ardent fans. First, he signed reliever Scott Linebrink to a 4-year, $19 mil deal. Four years! 19 million! His only move during the winter talks was trading for Carlos Quentin. Then he singed Alexei Ramirez, an unproven Cuban exile that can play short, second or the outfield; and then Williams broke the talent pool and traded for Swisher.

One thing’s clear: The Sox have lots of great players, they just don’t know what position they’ll play. With Ramirez, they have three short stops; ditto second base, Pablo Ozuna’s been the super sub for a while, so he’ll backup Richar there. And then there’s the outfield. Swisher can play some first, though he’s likely penciled for center, while Quentin is in left (or is that the other way around?). Jermaine Dye is a lock at right (though Swisher actually played some right field last year), and then the young outfielders, Jerry Owens and Brian Anderson will try to fill in the reserve spot.

The #1 goal this offseason was to improve the team via trades or free-agent signings. With the Garland-for-Cabrera trade, Williams struck quick, but then the ship fell apart. Torii Hunter signed with the Angels, Fukudome with the crosstown-rival Cubs, and even Andruw Jones relocated elsewhere. Nothing against Nick Swisher, but something tells me we could’ve gotten a better consolation prize.

So the Sox enter 2008 once again with a potent line-up that may or may not produce runs (we all know it’ll produce home runs, though), a starting rotation that is relying a wee too much on rookie or second year arms (and a few irregular vets) and a bullpen rich in question marks but with a formidable setup man (Linebrink) and closer (Bobby Jenks).

Come to think of it, the White Sox really just need to rebuild. But a good center fielder would’ve been nice.

Minnesota Twins: That new stadium already

Last year, the Twins needed money bad. This year, they could’ve use that money they never had. As expected, Torii Hunter skipped town; Santana is either going to become a free agent at the end of this year, or will be traded for way too much before the season starts; and with Joe Mauer signing a $33-million deal, Justin Morneau’s contract extension talks have stalled.

What happens in 2008 will depend greatly on what the Twins get in return for Santana, but one obvious gaping hole is Hunter’s departure from center field. Now that the Mets have entered the Santana sweepstakes, and have offered a young outfielder in their package, the Twins might move Santana soon enough to allow some flexibility before the season starts to sign Morneau. That is, if the Mets also include prospect Fernando Martinez, something the Twins want to seal the deal, but seems unlikely.

If only that new ball park were poised to open its gates. At least, the thing is finally getting built.

Detroit Tigers: Play their first game

No question that the Tigs are the most improved team this off season. They traded for two of the best young players in baseball, Dontrelle Willis and Miguel Cabrera, and they signed one of the better veteran short stops, both defensively and offensively, in Edgar Rentería.

The front line of their rotation looks something like: Verlander, Willis, Robertson, Bonderman and Kenny “It ain’t tar, its dirt” Rogers.

They have a solid bullpen, and with the return of flamethrower Joel Zumaya, Todd Jones’ role as closer might be in jeopardy. But that’s a good thing, Tigers fans.

Oh, right, and they still have Magglio Ordoñez, who came in second in MVP voting behind A-Rod.

Scary.

Cleveland Indians: Pay a visit to Miss Cleo

The Indians could very well shake up that magic 8-ball to know what’ll happen in 2008. Their roster has not been tinkered with (not much anyway), and except for the addition of INF Jamey Carroll and Japanese reliever Masahide Kobayashi, the same team that was one win away from the Fall Classic will step out on the field.

Granted, Travis Hafner missed a significant chunk of time last year, so his “return” to top form will boost a line-up that already features Victor Martinez and Grady Sizemore.

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So that’s that, the AL Central is again shaping up to be a tough division; the standings might actually end up looking similar to what they did in 2007 . Even though the White Sox made some moves, it’s not clear they’ve upgraded their outfield; the Twins are still trying to figure out what to do about Santana; the Royals are just a pinch of hope away from contending, and the Indians are playing it safe by not doing much. But it’s been the Tigers, by far, the team that stepped up to fulfill their needs.

You may not know this, but back on October 19th, the Kansas City Royals named Trey Hillman as their new manager (the news was rudely overshadowed by the Boston Red Sox who insisted on playing Game 6 of their series against the Indians the following day, thus putting themselves above the game of baseball). So who’s Trey Hillman, you ask? Well, even if you didn’t ask, I’m going to tell you.

Hillman was last employed by a MLB team in 2002, when the Texas Rangers appointed him as Director of Player Development, and was a manager in the Yankees farm system for eleven years prior. For the last five years, though, Hillman was on the other side of the earth, managing the Nippon Ham Fighters of the Nippon Professional Baseball league. And no, the team name is not the “Ham Fighters”. It’s just the Fighters. Nippon Ham is a company that owns the club. And yes, they make ham. Let’s move on.

Hillman had much success managing the Fighters, winning the NPB title in 2006. And somewhere along the line, he became a cult icon. As Joe Posnanski writes, “They love Hillman in Japan”. (By the way, even Bobby Valentine has a huge fanbase over there. In fact, Valentine has a hamburger named after him called “Bobby Burger”, which is sold at the fast-food chain Lotteria. The burger apparently has cheese, barbecue sauce, and a pineapple.)

Hillman even has a restaurant dedicated to him in Sapporo (where the Fighters play) called Hillman’s Hangout, which according to the website is an “American-style Bar & Grill”. The Hangout had its grand opening on October 11th! Then eight days later, it was announced that Hillman was leaving Japan to manage the Royals… Ouch…

But if you’re ever in the Sapporo-neighborhood and get a hankering for an Onion Loaf with a Thousand Island sauce, stop on by to Hillman’s Hangout. Tell them UmpBump sent you (and you will most likely receive some puzzled looks).

After the Marlins dismissed manager Joe Girardi at the end of last season, they offered his job to Braves hitting coach Terry Pendleton. When Pendleton passed, it was easy to guess why. Braves manager Bobby Cox is getting long in the tooth (whatever that means) and most everyone figured Pendleton had been promised Cox’s job. The safe bet was that Cox would step down at the end of the 2007 season and Pendleton would take over.

Then the Braves gave Cox an extension through 2008. Then they traded for stud 1B Mark Teixeira. Now there’s new life breathed into Turner Field. The Braves, after And one wouldn’t blame Cox if he decided to stick around another year. Or two. Or three.

Which leaves Pendleton…where exactly?

Of course, he could always continue waiting for Bobby to retire. But here’s a crazy idea about where Pendleton might end up — Kansas City.

Royals manager Buddy Bell announced just yesterday that he will step down at the end of the season, so KC GM Dayton Moore needs to find a new skipper. There are already names being bandied about. According to The Sports Network, bench coach Billy Doran is a top candidates, as well as former Royals players such as George Brett and Frank White. But what about Pendleton, who has a relationship with Moore dating back to the GM’s days as John Schuerholz’s protege?

The Royals have been a terrible team for a long while, but lately they’ve shown signs of improvement. Although the Royals remain at the bottom of the American League Central, they have notched wins in five of their last seven games heading into this weekend’s road series with the Yankees. And they’ve had a winning record in each of the last two months.

So there are less appealing organizations (see: Pirates, Nationals, Orioles). And if you’re Pendleton, you’ve got to be itching for the chance to manage. Sure, Atlanta might be your first choice, but the more you think about it, Kansas City sounds better and better.

Alright, let’s figure out what these teams need to win it all (or make me look like a genius, whichever comes first). I’ll go down the order reflecting today’s standings.

Cleveland Indians: Play some make up games…

Really. The Indians have been very good this year, they’ve scored runs when needed and they’ve pitched effectively when the run support hasn’t been there. But it’s the offense that’s been the catalyst this early in the season – they’re second in the league in runs scored, second in runs batted in, and third in on-base percentage.

Their starting pitching has been there too. Though they’ve employed the services of six starters, three of those have been quality material. Staff Ace C.C. Sabathia has been a stud, going 6-1 with a 3.51 ERA, while Fausto Carmona (2.77 ERA) and Paul Byrd (3.81) have identical 5 and 1 records. Cliff Lee, 2-1, has had brushes with success, but he’s also been disastrous, posting a bloated 5.93 ERA. Their other two starters, Jeremy Sowers and Jake Westbrook might be the prototype fifth starter, destined only to chew-up innings, while keeping the team in the game, hoping the offense pick them up in the end. Their records, 1-4, 1-2, and their ERA, 6.29, 7.90 respectively, though, are not inspiring.

The only problem has been the bullpen; out of the seven relievers that have pitched more than 11 innings, only two have an era under 2.00, while the rest have a 3.10 or higher earned run average.

The Indians have to keep it consistent all season long and they’ll be right there when it’s all said and done. Considering the fact that they still have to play those make up games with Seattle, they might even have a better record than they do now.

Detroit Tigers: Have patience….

The Tigers are anticipating a return trip to the playoffs. The air in this weekend’s series with Cleveland has been filled with aromas of contention, and keep in mind that yesterday’s was the first of 18 meetings between these two teams. Again, it’s the offense that has this team half a game out in the division, and leading the way is a reinvigorated Magglio Ordóñez, he leads the team in average, home runs, runs batted in, runs scored, and on-base percentage.

Gary Sheffield has picked up the pace after a disastrous start, hitting a few points below .300 in May. But if we’re going to point out “what they need,” I’d say their corner infielders have to provide a better offensive presence. Third baseman Brandon Inge has a depressed .218 average, with 17 RBI, while Sean Casey has a meh .259 average, zero home runs and only 9 RBI in 147 AB.

Though the team had a scare due to Jeremy Boderman’s trip to the DL, he returned in top form, blanking out the Angels in 8 innings of work. He would’ve finished the complete game gem, but manager Jim Leyland decided to play it safe.

Chicago White Sox: Ozzie Guillen to shut. Up.

And let the team do it’s thing. I have to say, Ozzie’s been a distraction; first there was his rant on Mike North’s show, which then turns into A.J. Pierzynski getting into some weird thing with Mark Buehrle. Now Ozzie’s been issuing warnings for the past two weeks; the hitters, the bench, then the relievers. Good thing the starters have done their job, otherwise Guillen would be pointing the finger at everybody.

But really, what the Sox need is to stop relying on the long ball and start hitting for average. Yes, Thome was out (and Podsednik is still out), but the Sox are dead last in runs scored (and far behind KC); dead last in RBI (and far behind Baltimore); dead last in batting average (and far away behind Texas); dead last in on-base percentage –do we see a pattern?– and yes (way, far behind Baltimore). Scottie Pods is not going to be the difference in any of those categories.

The Sox had a recent offensive outburst, scoring 10 runs for the first time, following that with an 8 run performance. But that’s all we Sox fans have seen. If your offense doesn’t produce, your relievers are going to have to be perfect almost every time out. That’s just not going to happen.

Ozzie, shut up (at least some); Sox, score some runs.

Minnesota Twins: A new stadium, like, NOW (AKA, money, money, money)

Watching a Sox-Twins game recently, I was listening as their TV people discussed the opening of the new Twins stadium in 2010. They culled figures as to how many people were going to be there every day, packing the new ball park and providing the Twinkies with much needed cash flow, ensuring the team a chance to sign proven free agents, and to keep their talent at home. Wait… it’s not as if the Twins play before a field of cornstalks every day now; people do come out to the games – so what gives? I’m not sure, and I better leave all the stadium economics to Nick.

But really, had the Twins opened their new stadium this year, and thus lined their pockets with some more cash, they might not be facing the prospect of having their Ace Johan Santana opting to test the free agent market, or their veteran leader Torii Hunter for that matter.

In actual baseball terms, aside from their stars (well, Morneaou really), the Twins have no offensive weapons (I mean, c’mon, how long did you thing the whole piranha thing was really going to last? Nick Punto?!). Plus, Joe Mauer’s been hurt.

Combine that with the necessity to sign Sidney Ponson (Sidney Ponson!) and Ramon Ortiz to be the back of their rotation, and the prospects are bleak at best. The Twins have started to slide, but, of course, they’ll probably find a way to win as they always do. I’m just not sure how they’ll do it this year.

Oh and when one of their star bloggers, Bat Girl, calls it quits, then you know the shit’s hit the fan.

Kansas City Royals: Are you serious?

The Kansas City Royals need… well, they need to stop signing “super subs” to be their every day players; the need to stop signing overpriced, unproven veterans to front their rotation, and they need to keep their young talented stars.

You can start by moving to another city, or perhaps coaxing the locals to pay up for a new stadium, or, better yet, spend those revenue sharing dollars on things other tan Gil Meche. Then you guys will contend.

Last off season, the Chicago White Sox traded away one of their (I thought) best utility players in Ross Gload to Kansas City in exchange for relief pitcher Andrew Sisco.

The move was a basic get-me-some-pitching trade on behalf of the Sox. As you may recall, the bullpen was the only part of the Chicago team that passed with flying colors in our off season testing.

Anyway, Gload was great. He was the second coming of Tony Graffanino, another super-sub that at one point was dubbed the boss-man’s favorite player (ironically, Graffanino was also traded away to the Royals).

For Sisco, the move way from KC came as a relief. Recently, he took the time to share some of his … uhm… “fond” memories of getting a shot to play in the majors in KC:

”It was always hard for me to be there,” Sisco said of the constant losing. ”And I don’t care what anyone said — if you didn’t think that way, you were being unrealistic. There’s always that few that would say, ‘This is our year.’ No, no. Especially when we didn’t make a move to change our personnel and were the same team.

Well that’s not necessarily surprising. We all know the Royals strive to hover around 60 or 70 wins a year. But Sisco has a bone to pick with the owners.

”I like being on a team that likes to win, plays together. It makes it kind of hard when you didn’t have a chance day in and day out. I don’t even blame it on any one person on the team. I blame it on management. They’re not putting the best product on the field. They’re making plenty of money in the collective-bargaining agreement and in turn not putting it into the product they put on the field.”

Sisco, 24, said a main reason no one speaks out is that the Royals’ roster is typically made up of young players.

”My first year, I was just trying to establish myself and get my feet in the door,” he said. ”But by the second year, you kind of have an idea of what’s going on and start thinking about what we should be doing and could be doing.

We all know where Sisco is coming from. A group of monkeys could run the Royals better than whoever is in charge over there now. But I’m not sure that bashing your old team is cool. Imagine Johnny Damon, or Carlos Beltran, or even Jermaine Dye saying all this. Kids these days just don’t earn their stripes (you know, if the Royals wore stripes).

Now that Sisco is back in town for a two-game series, the Royals will have a chance to put him in his place. Though, more likely, he’ll dominate the lowly Royals hitters and receive only a mild reaction from the fans.