Belated HOF Ranting

Earlier this week over at SI.com, Steve Hoffstetter came out with a right-on-the-money screed about the Hall of Fame voting. Not the Mark McGwire boondoggle—the Dante Bichette shocker.

The real story of last week’s National Baseball Hall of Fame voting is not that Mark McGwire only got 128 votes — it’s that Dante Bichette received three. I didn’t realize that the Bichettes were voting this year.

Bichette has always been vocal about his belief in both God and Jesus. Even if the two of them voted, that still doesn’t explain the third ballot.

Indeed, did Dante Bichette even deserve to be on the ballot at all? This brings me to something that irked me when the ballots were first released, but which I never got around to formulating into complete sentences here on UmpBump: Scott Brosius. He was on the ballot this year, too. He didn’t get any votes (thank God) but what was he doing on the ballot in the first place? If he hadn’t played for the Yankees (and during the Yankees’ glory years), he never would have even made the ballot. His mere presence there is an insult to me. And also an insult to every other run-of-the-mill 90s third baseman who didn’t make the HOF ballot.

Plus I’d like to know who the six people are who voted for Jose Canseco. The walking syringe?! Mr. Sleazy-Memoir-Writer? And who are the two people who voted for Ken Caminiti, who also admitted to juicing and who even spent time in the slammer (yes, kids, actual JAIL) for cocaine posession. And the one person who voted for Jay Buhner. Jay Buhner is like that kid from high school you completely forget about until your five-year reunion, and then you see them and you’re like, “Oh yeah….that kid.” I don’t even remember anything about Jay Buhner’s actual career. All I remember is that he looked like a pirate. See? A pirate!

For the full tally of rando position players, druggies, and brigands who got votes, click here.

As for who does belong in Cooperstown, let me go on the record as saying that I hope that Goose Gossage and Jim Rice make it in next year. Unlike Barry Bonds, who just went on the record arguing—surprise!— for the induction of McGwire and Pete Rose, adding, in typical douchey fashion, “I’m sure I’m going to break the [home run] record this year. But right now, I’m just thinking about golf.”

As for me, I’m trying to decide what is more bogus: the fact that people actually think Bichette, Buhner, and Caminiti belong in the Hall, or the fact that they’re now part of our tag cloud.