On Saturday, Bugs and Cranks brought us the news that Shane “The Flying Hawaiin” Victorino had adopted a mohawk.

Today, the Phillies’ website says that not everyone on the team is anxious to adopt the same look:

An informal survey of players most proud of their hair — Kyle Kendrick, Kyle Lohse, J.D. Durbin and J.C. Romero — revealed that none support the shaved Mohawk look of Shane Victorino.

Durbin offered to sport the look for “a few thousand dollars,” while Lohse gave an unenthusiastic “maybe” when asked if he could get behind a team-wide movement.

“I’m being neutral, and obviously, I’d lean toward ‘No,’” Lohse said. “In high school, the basketball team all shaved their heads and I looked like I got dropped on my head. It was just bad.”

You’ve got to love Lohse’s honesty. Some guys just have weirdly shaped heads. And those guys shouldn’t sport a mohawk. It takes a truly self-aware person to realize that he’s not mohawk material. If only Britney could have come to a similar realization before jumping into her MTV VMA outfit.

Lumpy heads aside, the best “no mohawk for me” answer undoubtedly came from Durbin, who sounds like a guy who fully appreciates that his mlb career is hanging by a thread. Durbin, who has a 6.46 ERA, will shave his head — but only if you pay him. He’ll take cash, credit, food stamps…whatever you’ve got. J.D. Durbin is not proud. He’s just trying to support his family.

Shane Victorino had himself quite a day yesterday, hitting the game winning home-run in the bottom of the ninth on the same day that the Phillies gave away Shane Victorino hula figurines.

From the AP:

“Pretty ironic, isn’t it?” said Victorino, who was born in Hawaii. “In the dugout, Wes Helms was saying it would be something if I won the game on the day my bobblehead was given out. It’s funny how it happened. I got a good pitch and drove it out.”

Ironic? I’m not so sure. But let’s pretend this is English 101 and talk about it. Dictionary.com lists nine definition for irony, but I think the one that best applies to this situation is “an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.”

Now, I don’t think Victorino’s homer qualifies as unexpected just because the Phillies gave away a Victorino figurine yesterday.

Then again, the fact that Victorino had three home runs coming into the day and a .388 slugging percentage probably makes his shot at least a little surprising.

Moreover, the Phillies victory could probably be described as totally contrary to what might have been expected. I know that after Ryan Madson and the Phillies bullpen blew a one run lead in the top of the ninth, I expected the Phillies would lose the game. I’m pretty sure everybody in Philadelphia expected the Phillies would lose the game. And yet somehow, some way, they won.

So maybe Victorino’s home run was ironic. Just not in the way he thinks it was.

You may remember that Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow-PUSH coalition complained recently about a lack of African-American ballplayers. Jackson probably has a point, but don’t think for a second that the MLB is lacking in diversity.

Take for example the Phillies Shane Victorino. He’s from Hawaii, which while technically a state I think we can all agree is far enough away both geographically and culturally to qualify him as kinda weird.

The Phillies think it’s super neat that Victorino is from Hawaii and to celebrate his heritage they’re giving away Shane Victorino hula figurines to fans 14 and under who attend the Phils’ game against the Giants on June 3. The figurines feature Victorino “in the traditional hula pose.” He will be “posed in shorts, bare feet, grass skirt, Hawaiian lei, holding a ukulele and flashing the “shaka” (or hang loose) sign.”

For those of you not familiar with the ABCs of Hawaiian culture, here’s a refresher. The shaka is used by Hawaiians to mean “all right”, “cool”, or “smooth”. Outside of Hawaii, people often interpret it to mean “hang loose.” It should not be confused with the near identical “call me” sign, or the similar sounding “shocker“, which means something totally different.

If you’re wondering what in the world you’re going to do with a Shane Vitorino hula figurine, don’t fret. The Phillies organization is practical above all else (David Bell’s contract aside). That’s why they’ve made sure that the base of each figurine “includes a ’sticky’ for fans to attach to the dashboard of a car.”

There are no words to describe just how badly I want one of those figurines. Members of the Phillies organization, if you are reading this, I’m begging you: please send me a Shane Victorino hula figurine. I never had a problem with my dashboard until I heard about the Victorino ornament. Now I see just how naked and lacking my dashboard really is.