When Jeff Kent announced his retirement recently, baseball lost much more than a great second baseman. It lost a great mustache.

Amazingly, Kent’s ’stache is not one of the handful of fuzzes that has its own entry in our Unfortunate Facial Hair pantheon. But don’t be fooled: his was truly fabulous fur. And it is not the only UFH that we stand to lose. Mike Piazza retired in May (and to mark the occasion Paul created a Piazza UFH retrospective). Now it’s looking increasingly unlikely that Sal Fasano will find a job. And both Todd Helton and Randy Johnson are in the twilights of their respective careers.

For the good of the game and, yes, for the good of America it’s time for these UFH vets to pass the torch to a greener generation. Here are a few young players who might consider picking up where the vets left off.

Kent’s actually toned down his mustache late in his career, but in his early years with the mets his flavor savor was large and in charge.

What would happen if we took Kent’s mustache and put it on Troy Tulowitzki’s baby face?

equals…

Whoah! Where does the line for mustache rides form?

Read the rest of this entry »

In this week’s Metro column, I boldly made the following claim:

[Manny] Ramirez is arguably the best active player to have never received an MVP award. He’s certainly the best active player to be so consistently snubbed; of similar players, he has the fewest top-five finishes without ever finishing in the top two.

But of course, Manny is far from the only great active player to never take home the trophy, and while I was cogitating about this column, I got to talking about these players with my co-conspirators here at UmpBump. We bandied about some other names of active players who have, amazingly enough, never won an MVP: Gary Sheffield and Jim Thome lead the pack, in my mind, and you could make a case for perennially beloved also-rans Derek Jeter and David Ortiz as well.

Sure, there are fantastic younger guys who haven’t won the trophy yet. But when it comes to the David Wrights, Chase Utleys, and Hanley Ramirezes of baseball, one can say, “Hey, he’s still young.” And there are deserving players who are always a long shot to take home the hardware simply by virtue of their position; most pitchers and designated hitters suffer this fate. (I’ve included Ortiz here on my list of snubs because a) yes, I’m a Red Sox fan and this is my list, you jerks and b) he’s finished in the top 5 of the MVP balloting for the past four years running—a neat trick for any player, even more so considering the entrenched bias among many members of the BBWAA against voting for a full-time DH.)

But with the Sheffs and the Mannys and the Thomes, it’s a different story. You can’t necessarily point to a certain year and say, “This is the year he deserved to win,” but you’re still surprised to learn he’s never gotten the trophy.

Of active players, who do you think is the biggest MVP snub? Anyone going to take a stand for Todd Helton? Or Mike Piazza, still technically active? Any secret Carlos Delgado fans out there?

Who gets your vote?

more at twiigs.com…

As some of you may know, the Rockies have had one of their own fall prey to the UFH police. So it’s only fitting that one Todd Helton makes a cameo in this edition of UFH’s Most Wanted alongside the culrpit, Jamey Carroll.

A smooth man with his glove, Carroll’s smoothness went a little to his head, as he is now committing a copycat crime in trying to sport The Stash ala Jason Giambi.  Sure Giambi’s was a horrendous best of nature all in it’s own, but Carroll’s is a very feeble attempt at suave. Enough to prompt fellow teammate (and UFH parter in crime) Todd Helton to mock it in some fashion. Which, of course, is a nice segue way into a very appropriate World Series Write Your Own Caption.

I’m not even talking about his descent from a man who once hit 49 homers. Have you seen him lately? He looks like the love child of Ryne Sandberg and Larry Walker who was then eaten by David Wells.

He used to look like this…

You can get another look at the man and his chin-fro at his team page here.

Numerous sources are reporting that the Red Sox are in serious discussions to trade for Rockies’ firstbaseman Todd Helton.  Most versions have Helton headed to Fenway in exchange for Mike Lowell, Julian Tavarez, and a pair of prospects.  The prospects are still being wrangled over, but according to ESPN’s version, the Rockies are demanding relievers Craig Hansen and Manny Delcarmen, with the Red Sox holding out for a better deal in which they won’t give up as much.

My first reaction was that this would be a great deal for the Red Sox. Lowell and Tavares would not be missed much, and even if the Sox had to give up Hansen and Delcarmen, they would be giving up two pitchers who have yet to show much at the major league level, if they ever will, and they would be getting one of the best-hitting first baseman around.

Although Helton is due to earn $16.6 million this year and almost $90 million total for the remaining six years on his contract, the Red Sox have clearly demonstrated this offseason that money is no object for them, and besides, the Rockies are proposing to pick up nearly half of the remaining tab.

But then I had a look at Helton’s actual numbers in recent years, instead just going off his reputation.

Helton has clearly been in decline over the last several seasons.  From his best year in 2000 when he batted .372, smashed 42 homers, and OPS’d 1.161, he has fallen to .302, 15 homers, and an .880 OPS.  Now those certainly aren’t horrible numbers, but is that really that much better than what Mike Lowell would provide?

Plus there is always the issue of Coors Field.  While it is true that hitters have historically not had as big falloffs when they leave Coors as pitchers do when they come to Coors, like all Rockies players Helton’s home-road splits are ridiculous: last season he batted .338 and had a .445 OPB in Denver, compared to only .266 and .360 on the road. While it is true that Fenway is generally a hitter’s park, it is a much better hitter’s park for righthanded hitters, as opposed to lefties like Helton, and which split is Helton more likely to approximate at sea level? 

What is clear is that this would be a great trade for the Rockies.  Even if they had to pick up a significant share of Helton’s salary for the next six years, they would still be clearing tens of millions of dollars from their payroll.  Plus they would be picking up a small motorboat-load of useful players, without making their lineup significantly worse.  After all, Lowell’s numbers can be expected to increase at Coors.