This past Friday, Nick wrote a post with the simple premise – if you can cut one person from each team in the National League, who would it be? And people got angry. Very, very angry. They called us names. They said that it was “the most pointless story I’ve ever read” and “one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read” and other “I’ve ever read” type comments. But they also said that “David Eckstein makes pitchers work so hard to get him out, that alone has value”. So we stopped paying attention after that.

Naturally, we’re back for more with the same premise applied to the American League. And if any of you brings up “leadership” as a reason Player X ought to stay, I swear to god, I will go back to my room in my mother’s basement, create an Everquest character that looks like you and destroy it.

Texas Rangers – Vicente Padilla: Starting off with an easy one here. From the moment the Rangers re-signed Padilla to a 3 year deal worth $33.75MM deal prior to the ‘07 season, it really was only a matter of time until this would end badly. In addition to posting poor numbers overall in Arlington, he’s had a poor reputation behind the scenes for years. The process for cutting him may have already started as the club put him on waivers this past week.

The Angels of The Angels  – Gary Matthews, Jr: Every time Matthews puts on a uniform, the Angels’ chances of winning seem to decrease. Another poor signing from the ‘06-’07 off season, Little Sarge has since posted a line of .248/.319/.386, which would be awful for a catcher, let alone for an OFer with a $50MM contract. If that weren’t bad enough, Matthews is also a sub-par defensive player, which should really make you wonder why the Angels haven’t cut the cord yet.

Seattle Mariners – Yuniesky Betancourt: When you have a starting shortstop who can’t hit, you tout his defense. When you have a shortstop who can’t hit or field, you have a big problem. Not only has Betancourt posted a .302 OBP in his career with little to no pop, he has also had a negative UZR (Ultimate Zone Rating) over that span. At 27 years old, we’ve already got a very good idea as to what kind of arc his career will take, and that arc is pretty damned flat.

Oakland A’s – Eric Chavez: It’s always sad when promising careers get derailed by injuries. But it’s worse when it drags on. Chavez has been off the field more than actually on it since 2007 and even when healthy enough to play, his performance has been on the decline since 2005. Having admitted that one more back injury would end his career, it’d be a great story if he were to show that he’s not done yet. Chavez is determined to do so, but one has to wonder if that’s actually in his best interest long term. I’m obviously not in a position to tell a player – especially one that’s only 31 years old – to walk away forever. But as a human being, I would hate to see his condition worsen and I fear that a return to the field will cause just that.

Detroit Tigers – Magglio Ordonez: If you consider this one to be heartless, I can’t really blame you since this is entirely driven by money. Magglio’s contract states that if he makes 213 more trips to the plate this year, his 2010 option worth $18MM becomes guaranteed (there’s a similar option for 2011). At this point in his career, Ordonez is not an $18MM player, nor is he all that close to that. His power is nowhere to be seen as he’s been unable to hit the ball into the air (56% of his batted balls have been grounders). I’m sure that the Players Association lawyers would have a field day with this cut though. Luckily enough, I don’t have to deal with such things (why can’t GMs cut players for financial reasons? I don’t get it).

Minnesota Twins – Alexi Casilla: While neither should be given a bat, both Carlos Gomez and Nick Punto at least have value as defensive replacements. And it’s probably too early to give up on a talent like Delmon Young, who really needs to learn how take ball four. But Casilla? The man has logged over 800 ABs in AAA and AA, during which time he has shown that neither his bat nor his glove is good enough to compensate for the other. His biggest asset as a minor league player was his ability to take a walk (which wasn’t exactly eye-popping to begin with). But thus far in his MLB career, Casilla has only gotten on base 30% of the time while slugging .318. Unless you’re saving dozens of runs with the glove, it’s impossible to swallow that. Sure, he’s still cheap. But there are better options out there for the same cost.

Chicago White Sox – Jimmy Gobble: Gobble has pitched in parts of seven major league seasons thus far in his career and his ERA in those years reads thusly: 4.61, 5.35, 5.70, 5.14, 3.02, 8.81, and 7.00 (so far in ‘09). Them’s ain’t pretty. Presumably, he keeps finding work because he’s a lefty. Problem is, lefties have a line of .266/.323/.460 against him so he’s not even useful against them. So I ask you, why does this man have a job? And for the record, I could have also picked anyone who has logged an inning in CF this year for the South Siders. But I’d be damned if I could pick one.

Kansas City Royals – Jose Guillen: I really could’ve put every Royal who’s 26 years old or over (not named Gil) into a hat for this one. Sidney Ponson? Absolutely. David DeJesus? If the man did not bat lefty, he may not have a job in baseball (kids, learn how to bat from the left side). And while I’m no Mike Jacobs fan (and Kila Ka’aihue is clearly more than ready to replace him as DH), he could at least serve as a cheap power bat off the bench.  Guillen, however, is by far the highest-paid hitter on the team and puts up numbers that simply aren’t good enough to let you ignore the headaches he causes within the clubhouse. And while he’ll continue to be among the top RBI guys on the Royals (which says more about the Royals lineup than it does Guilen) due primarily to his spot in the batting order, his glove gives up as many runs as his bat creates. If I were a Royals player, I’d probably resent the fact that the highest paid guy doesn’t offer much in terms of production nor seems to give a rat’s ass.

Cleveland Indians – Jeremy Sowers: In Single-A, Sowers struck out an impressive 9.5 batters per 9 innings pitched. In AA, that number dropped to a still-respectable 7.7. In AAA, down to a slightly worrisome 5.8. Notice a trend here? Then it really should come as no surprise that in the Majors, Sowers is striking out merely 4.1/9IP in the 300+ innings he’s logged. When you miss so few bats, batted balls tend to find the outfield grass more often (or worse). He had success in his rookie year winning 7 out of his 14 starts to go along with a 3.57 ERA. But his peripherals were poor (3.6 K/9IP, .259 BABiP), and therefore no one should be surprised to learn that his career ERA has been trending down ever since. Sowers just doesn’t seem to have the stuff to consistently get guys out at the big league level. And Cleveland would be better off giving someone else – anyone else – a start in his place.

Boston Red Sox – Julio Lugo: Take it away, Sarah Green!

New York Yankees – Angel Berroa: If you’re a SS, one good season buys you a career of job security as a utility infielder. Back in 2003, Berroa popped 17 dingers and has been living off that accomplishment ever since. Problem is, the man seems to have no idea how to play 3rd base, where the Yankees have been using him as a backup. Lord knows that you’re not keeping the guy around for his offense (career weighted-OBP of .297). So if he can’t do the job you’re asking him to do, why are you keeping him around at all?

Toronto Blue Jays – Kevin Millar: I initially had Vernon Wells here, but  after posting great numbers upon his return from a hamstring injury last August, he deserves a chance to prove once again that he’s not done (though moving him to LF IMMEDIATELY is a good idea). So I decided to go with a less controversial pick in Millar, a guy who looks to be about done at the age of 37. Sure, he may be entertaining in the clubhouse, but so’s the equipment manager (see enough jockstraps and I’m sure you develop a sense of humor). Millar’s defense is not nearly good enough to justify using him as a defensive replacement, nor is his bat useful enough as a pinch hitter. I’m sure it’s not easy to cut guys you like as human beings. But the point of the game is to win and Millar doesn’t help you accomplish that goal.

Tampa Bay Rays – Troy Percival: With a fastball that barely hits 90-91 mphs these days, Percival’s days as a reliable reliever are gone. In his younger years, his teams could live with him walking roughly 4 batters per nine innings because he struck out so many more. Nowadays, that’s getting harder and harder as his body begins to break down (Now go back and reread this paragraph replacing Percival’s name with Jason Isringhausen’s. Still makes perfect sense).

Baltimore Orioles – Mark Hendrickson: Centuries from now, when historians discover that there used to be a sport called “baseball” (and that there used to be something called “land”, but that’s another topic), I’d like to think that they’ll stumble across Hendrickson’s career numbers and immediately think “Holy %(*@ing mother of God! How the ^!#* did this guy keep finding teams willing to pay him &*($-loads of money?” With Scott Elarton still unsigned, Hendrickson has the highest career ERA (5.10) of any active pitcher who has logged over 800 innings or made 125+ starts. And the NBA community is forever left wondering how good this career 41.6% shooter could have been… (Here’s a hint. Not very.)

Ya got any problems with these, punk? Well, do ya? That’s what the comments section is for. Just remember. I can annihilate you in Everquest.

With the season one-third gone now, it’s become pretty clear which players were only slumping and which players actually just suck at baseball. And yet on every team there is at least one player which for foolish reasons, whether it be an over-developed sense of loyalty, a case of GM-player man-love, a reputation for grit and hustle, or a bloated contract, the team just hasn’t been able to pull the plug on yet. In this post, we have a look at each team in the National League with an eye for the one player who really needs to be cut as soon as possible.

Dodgers – RP Guillermo Mota: This guy looks permanently broken: he gives up too many hits, he doesn’t strike enough guys out, and he walks too many batters. His WHIP is an appalling 1.79 and he needs to be shelved somewhere.

Giants – 1B Travis Ishikawa: The main job of a first baseman is to hit, so when your first baseman is the worst hitter on your team, you are doing something wrong.

Diamondbacks – CF Chris Young: Chris Young was supposed to be one of those guys whose power and speed would somehow make of for his complete lack of any ability to get on base.  Well, now you have a guy whose power and speed have fallen off, but who is even less able to get on base.  It is unbelievable that Young is still on pace for well over 500 at bats this season despite his .220 OBP. He needs to be working out his suckiness in the minor leagues.

Rockies – 3B Garret Atkins: I’ve been advocating that the Rockies trade Atkins for two years now, while there was still some perception that he was a good player, but they waited too long, and now he’s basically untradeable. Few players have benefited more from Coors Field than Atkins, and Atkins also had the benefit of his personal peak coinciding with the Rockies high profile Series run in 2007. But he was always an extremely inadequate defender at third, and now his bat has disappeared as well, even at home.

Padres – 2B David Eckstein: GM Kevin Towers calls David Eckstein the MVP of the team so far this year. He couldn’t be more wrong. Eckstein was only barely adequate defensively and offensively when he was at his peak about 5 or 6 years ago, and now at age 34, he’s pretty much got nothing left.

Cardinals – SP Todd Wellemeyer: Todd Wellemeyer shows that maybe there are limits to what pitching coach Dave Duncan can do. Kind of. Actually, it’s pretty amazing that the Cardinals have gotten as much out of Wellemeyer as they have, considering he was nobody’s idea of good starting pitcher material. But with Mitchell Boggs waiting in the wings, there’s really no reason to keep Wellemeyer around.

Brewers – 3B Bill Hall: Bill Hall couldn’t hit his way out of a paper bag right now. Sure, he hit 35 homers back in 2006, but he’s done nothing at all since then, and he still has no real position defensively. For some reason, Hall still has the image of a youngster who is still developing, but when you actually go look at his age you find out he is already 29 years old, and what you see, which right now is total suckage, is probably what he really is.

Cubs – RP Aaron Heilman: Heilman was once a highly touted prospect, and did manage to throw up a few good seasons, but it’s becoming more and more clear that he’s just not all that good. Nothing about his peripherals suggests that anything is particularly wrong. His velocity is the same as ever, as are his FB/GB rates, his home run rate, his K/9 rate etc., and his BABIP is a very modest .299. Heilman simply walks too many batters, posting an unsightly 6.26 BB/9, and until that changes (if ever), he needs to be in AAA somewhere until he can learn better control.

Reds – SS Alex Gonzalez: Gonzalez was once an elite defender at shortstop, which meant that his extremely weak bat could be somewhat justified, but now he is no longer anywhere near that class, and his bat seems weaker than ever at .209/.250/.302. He needs to be cut.

Erstad is still playing?

Astros – OF Darin Erstad: Yeah, I know, Erstad is supposed to be this super-gritty former football player (except he was only a kicker), but we are a decade removed now from his last actually good season in 2000, and I’m almost surprised to see that he is actually still on a major league roster. He’s hitting .137/.211/.196.  Why is this man still anywhere near a baseball diamond?

Pirates – OF Brandon Moss: Lots of people have mentioned how one good side of trading away Nate McLouth was that it has “cleared playing time for blocked prospect Andrew McCutchen.”  But hardly anyone mentions that one of the players who was allegedly “blocking” McCutchen is Brandon Moss, a corner outfielder who has been playing every day this season despite posting a .310 OBP and only a single home run.

Marlins – 3B Emilio Bonifacio: The fact that Emilio Bonifacio, who has no business being in a major league lineup at all, is actually batting leadoff for the Marlins, despite his .294 OBP, is an indictment of the entire Marlins coaching staff and front office.

Bonifacio whiffs again

Mets – C Omir Santos: It’s a joke that the Mets actually traded away Ramon Castro to clear a spot on the roster for this guy. It’s going to be fun watching as the numbers left over from his fluky hot start rapidly sink toward the Mendoza line.

Braves – OF Garrett Anderson: I laughed out loud when I heard that the Braves signed Anderson in the offseason, and I pretty much haven’t stopped laughing since.  The poor old guy has a .289 OBP to go along with a -15 UZR/150 in left field. At this point you could probably drag Bernie Williams out of the recording studio and run him out there for better production.

Nationals – CL Joel Hanrahan: You can anoint a guy your closer, sing the praises of his “live arm,” and run him out there in save situations as much as you want, but that doesn’t mean he is going to pitch like a closer, just because you really really want him to. In what may be the worst bullpen of all time, no reliever has done more damage in more high leverage situations than Hanrahan. His 1.90 WHIP (for an alleged closer!) pretty much says it all.

Phillies – P Chan Ho Park: Park has looked finished for years now, at least when you look at his peripherals. He managed to reinvent himself as a serviceable reliever in the pitcher-friendly NL West last season, fooling the Phillies into taking him on, but it’s kind of an understatement to say that his game does not play well in Citizen’s Bank Ballpark. The Park-as-starter experiment was basically doomed from the get-go, but ironically, Park has pitched even more poorly this year as a reliever than he did as a starter. This man should be enjoying his retirement somewhere, not getting thrown to the wolves every other night.

The New York Mets and LA Dodgers just played the worst baseball game I have ever seen.

In an extremely tight game that ultimately wound up in a 3-2 victory for the Dodgers in 11 innings, the Dodgers did just about everything possible to lose, in a conventional sense.  LA was outhit by the Mets 12-5, went 0-11 with men in scoring position, left 14 men on base, had five starters hit 0 for the game, and watched Cory Wade blow a save.

Amazingly, this "hit" by Sheff was an RBI single.

The only thing was, the Mets went above and beyond normal suckiness to achieve National Baseball Hall of Suck and Museum caliber suckiness.

At the end of the game, the scoreboard showed “only” 5 errors by the Mets, but the Mets made about every mental error it is possible to make, from Fernando Tatis giving up an easy out and foolishly coming home against speedy Juan Pierre in the first, to horribly failed bunt attempts, to miscommunication in the outfield, to Ryan Church scoring easily on a double to put the Mets on top 3-2, only to have the run erased upon appeal because he forgot to step on third base. Oops.

But nothing summed up the game quite like the decisive bottom of the 11th inning. First, Mark Loretta walked. Then Xavier Paul hit the lamest, easiest flyball to center that you ever saw, all high and floaty and slow and just begging to find solace in the warm embrace of a glove.

Naturally, Carlos Beltran and Angel Pagan spent more time shouting at each other than watching the ball, which fell harmlessly between them and thus spurned, trickled mournfully away toward the wall. So now Loretta was on third and Paul was at second.

The Mets were of course in a desperate situation now, in a 2-2 tie in the bottom of the 11th with runners on 2nd and 3rd and no outs, so they were forced to intentionally walk the mighty Juan Pierre and bring Beltran in as a fifth infielder.

Naturally, the Dodgers did all they could to kick that gift horse right smack in the teeth, with Rafael Furcal bouncing a lazy, tailor-made double play ball right to drawn in first baseman Jeremy Reed.

But the Mets would not be denied the loss they so desperately sought.  And Reed delivered with a miraculously sucky throw in the vague direction of home plate. With all the time in the world, and Mark Loretta still so far up the third base line, you wondered if he were even paying attention, Reed hurled a screwball so ridiculously far to the left of desperately diving catcher Ramon Castro that the degree of separation could only have been achieved by the intervention of a higher power.

And Vin Scully had the perfect call: “Marv Throneberry lives again!”

It was just that kind of game for the Mets and Dodgers: anything you can suck at we can suck at even more. Even when the Met’s scored a tying run in the 8th, it was on Gary Sheffield hitting the weakest, softest, most surrenderous seeing-eye grounder you ever saw.

You wanted to award both teams with losses.  And maybe give the Mets 2 or 3 losses, if not more.

But that’s the way baseball goes sometimes, and as professional ballplayers, these guys will have to block it all out and come back strong tomorrow.

“Don’t feel bad, guys,” Dodgers manager Joe Torre deadpanned to his shockingly victorious team in the clubhouse after the game. “Tomorrow we’ll beat them.”

If I wrote a post a week ago about what the Reds really need, the answer would have been to sack Corey Patterson already (he of the .200 average and .240 OPS), and bring up Jay Bruce to play center already. Or at the very least, stop having Patterson bat leadoff (fer chrissakes!).

But seeing how those problems have been (finally) solved, what the Reds really need now is a fifth starter.

Any kind of fifth starter would do, actually.

The Reds actually have a pretty awesome rotation from 1-4, with ace Aaron Harang, Rookie sensation Edinson Volquez, an improving Bronson Arroyo, and high upside flamethrower Johnny Cueto. Their lineup is also pretty stacked, now that Bruce has finally been called up (as long as someone will tell Dusty Baker to stop doing stupid things like telling Adam Dunn to bunt).

But what has really been dragging the Reds down is a guaranteed loss every fifth day. Current fifth starter Matt Belisle has been thoroughly execrable, allowing 47 hits in 29 2/3 innings while posting a 1.79 WHIP and a 7.28 ERA. Original fifth starter Josh Fogg was amazingly even worse, putting up a 2.09 WHIP and a 13.09 ERA in his 3 starts.

Even the most replacement-y of replacement pitchers would be a drastic improvement at this point, and you certainly have to think that AAA stalwart Homer Bailey or Double-A ace Ben Jukich (5-2, 2.34 ERA at Chattanoga), could do better.

- What They Need Index -

In baseball there are two kinds of suckage – ordinary, run-of-the-mill “suckage,” and spectacular, 100-loss level “total suckage.” In the past two weeks, the San Francisco tranwreck express seems to have veered off the track of awesome HD flatscreen total suckage and back onto the track of boring, basic cable suckage.

On one hand, the team is in the throes of a five-game losing streak, but on the other hand, several positive developments have occurred which have made GM Brian Sabean so giddy with optimism that he is now declaring publicly that the Giants are still in contention this year and that he will not be trading away any veterans this season.

Let’s look at what has gone the Giants’ way of late…

- Barry Zito has returned from his 10-day banishment to the bullpen (during which time he did not make a single appearance), and miraculously reeled off three decent starts in a row, all of which he rightly deserved to win (although, of course, the lousy offense behind him insured all three wound up as Giants losses).

- Omar Vizquel made his triumphant return from the disabled list and is off to a blazing start at the plate, posting a .360 batting average and a .907 OPS in his first 8 games.

- Better yet for the team, Vizquel’s return and the “emergence” of Manny Burriss as a middle infielder who can post an on-base percentage of at least .260 means that single-A shortstop Brian Bocock has been optioned to Fresno where he can now be overmatched at the plate by triple-A pitchers rather than major-league pitchers.

- After a magical hamstring injury which helped him magically recover his hitting stroke, Ray Durham has gone on a 10 for 19 tear which has seen his batting average skyrocket from .247 to .300.

- Lone rotational standout Tim Lincecum continues to be one of the awesomest starters in the game, leading the entire major leagues with 63 strikeouts and placing third with a 1.92 ERA. Of course, he has to be nearly perfect with the terrible offense and defense he has playing behind him, but is there any more watchable starting pitcher in the majors right now?

- After spending the first month of the season last in the major leagues in runs per game, the Giants have finally clawed themselves into 29th place, ahead of the even more woeful San Diego Padres.

So with all this good news, can we really call Brian Sabean crazy for thinking the Giants might still have a chance to contend this season?

Yes. Why yes we can. The poor man has clearly lost his marbles and is now living in Magic Happy Land, where chocolate rivers flow clean and sweet, Roger Clemens retired quietly in 1996, and the presently 17-28 San Francisco Giants are going to make a playoff run in 2008. Judging from this picture, apparently they also have a cute white puppy there too.

Park adjusted, the Giants still have the worst offense in baseball. Their defense is also terrible, 26th in the majors in defensive efficiency. Legendary gloveman Omar Vizquel is back, but it is hard to picture him improving the team’s defense, given that their gloves were the only reasons Bocock and Burriss were anywhere near a major league ballpark, and that Vizquel is playing with a knee brace, on the heels of a major knee surgery, at age 42.

The Giants have the second worst record in the majors, and are on pace for 101 losses. But Brian Sabean thinks they are still in contention, and won’t be trading any of his aging veterans for young talent. No wonder he was recently voted the worst general manager in the game today.

I have a problem.

I. Hate. Julio. Lugo.

I hate the stupid sub-.300 OBP he had last year. I hate the stupid hitting streak he’s on right now, because I know he’s just doing it to be even more of a $%@#$ later. I hate his enormous bug-eyes that stare so widely AND YET STILL MISS THE BALL. I hate that he wears his belt higher than Steve Urkel. I hate that he’s owned in 56% of ESPN fantasy leagues—who are you people and who is your leader??

Because of Julio Lugo, I am even starting to hate the song “Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard,” which makes me hate him even more, because that’s a good $#@%* song, goddammit.

I hate that Lugo’s six errors are nearly TWO-THIRDS of Boston’s 10 team errors. I hate that he would have even more errors if the official scorer were allowed to assume EVEN THE MOST BASIC AND ELEMENTARY LITTLE-LEAGUE LEVEL DOUBLE PLAYS. I hate that even when he doesn’t make an error, he still finds a way to suck. I even hate the one thing about him that doesn’t technically suck—his speed on the basepaths—because that speed masks the true depths of his sucktitude in the batter’s box.

Is this measured, or rational, or fair? No, no, and hell no. But then, hatred so rarely is.

So most of all, I hate that Theo Epstein offered him way more money than any other GM was even imagining offering him, so that now, not only are we paying through the nose for this @#$*%!, we can find no one else to take him off our hands. The $26 million remaining on the deal would be better spent stuffed directly into owner John Henry’s 164-foot yacht, the Iroquois, and burned as fuel.

And of course, I hate that Julio Lugo is blocking fuzzy-cheeked Jed Lowrie. Did you know that Lowrie has 5 RBI in 26 plate appearances, while Lugo has 5 ribbies in 86 plate appearances? Typical. More errors than runs batted in! And five GIDPs too! Even with the speed! And I laugh—LAUGH!—at the fact that in the ninth inning of of a recent game, with the Sox up by a run and Manny Ramirez out of the game, Terry Francona moved Lugo to left field and Lowrie over to shortstop as a defensive replacement.

But it is not happy, trilling laughter. No, it is cold, cynical laughter. Because, as I was forced to conclude in this week’s Metro column, Julio Lugo’s below-average play and above-average pay likely mean that Jed Lowrie’s days in Boston are numbered. Not only is the entire left side of Boston’s infield locked up through 2010, Jed Lowrie may not be a natural shortstop anyway, as he lacks some of the necessary “first-step quickness” (in the words of Baseball Prospectus). However, he has worked hard to cut down on his error rate and his throws are generally solid, so his comparative lack of range may not be immediately apparent. This leads me to conclude that, at short, the most that could be hoped for is the defensive capability of Derek Jeter, who has very sure hands but, like that other good-looking Derek, one Mr. Zoolander, “can’t go left.” Thus, another team may be happy to take Lowrie and stick him at second base. As for the possibility, explored by Coley at MLB Trade Rumors last weekend, that Boston would keep him and use him as a super-utility guy? It’s possible, but I think it’s unlikely as long as he has even greater value to the team as trade-bait.

But Red Sox fans, take heart. Even if we are stuck with Julio Lugo through 2010, we do have another, potentially even better shortstop prospect waiting in the wings. Right now, he’s down at Greenville, Boston’s single A affiliate. Oscar Tejada, writes Baseball Prospectus, is a “toolsy Dominican” who was “impressive” last year, in his debut season for the Gulf Coast League, “showcasing gap power, good speed, excellent range, and a cannon for an arm.” He’s still “at least three to four years away,” but he’s also “brimming with potential.” Some additional info:

The Good: Tejeda has all of the tools necessary to be a star-level shortstop. He’s a good hitter with a line-drive stroke who has the frame and the bat speed to develop into some power. Defensively, he has excellent range, crisp actions and a strong arm.

The Bad: Not even 18 yet, Tejeda is still rough around the edges in many aspects. He still hasn’t seen enough breaking balls to make the proper adjustments to them, and he needs to improve in the little parts of the game, like bunting and baserunning. Like many young, flashy shortstops, he’s prone to errors when trying to make spectacular plays.

Perfect World Projection: A starting shortstop with the ability to create runs at the plate, and prevent them in the field.

Timetable: Tejeda’s youth and inexperience leaves him very far from his potential. While it seems like he’s ready for a full-season assignment, he’ll be only 18 for all of 2008, and there might be a need for patience.

I hope Oscar Tejada comes along well. I hope he’s ready to go by spring training in 2011. And I hope to God that I still have eyes to see him by then, because if I’m stuck watching Julio Cesar Lugo for the next three full seasons, I may actually claw them out.

Many have been predicting the San Francisco Giants to suck, and suck hard, this season. Some have even predicted a 100-loss campaign. So how are the Giants doing so far? Let’s have a look…

As is to be expected, the Giants are last in the Major Leagues with 27 runs scored in 11 games, or an average of 2.45 runs per game.

Sole good hitter Aaron Rowand is struggling at the plate and in the field, due to the fact that he probably has a broken rib.

Centerfielder Dave Roberts will likely have surgery on his knee and be out for months.

In other injury news, top outfield prospect Nate Schierholtz is out with a wounded right shin, outfielder Randy Winn hurt his ankle by hitting himself with his own bat, and reliever Keiichi Yabu has blurred vision after hitting himself in the eye with a rubber band.

Switch-hitting outfielder Dan Ortmeier has been so sucky hitting from the left side that he and the team have made a mutual decision to make him an exclusively right-handed batter from now on.

Putative team ace Barry Zito (0-2) has already been so terrible that he was booed by the home crowd during his introduction at the Giants’ home opener in San Francisco.

Even The Onion is piling on the Giants now, with their article “San Francisco Giants Band Together To Score Run.”

Oooof. That’s the sound coming out of Detroit this morning. A few days ago, you might’ve heard “D’OH!” or “GAAAH!” or any number of expletives. But this morning, there is only the resignation and deflation of a drawn-out “ooooof” as the last remaining molecules of enthusiasm leak out of Michigan like air from a punctured tire.

Any day your ace pitcher takes the mound, you want to win. But when that ace pitcher is doubling as the only pitcher on your staff not surrounded by flashing neon question marks and you’ve lost the first five games of the season, you really, really want to win. And when instead of winning, you drop to 0 and 6…oooooof.

If you’re a Tigers fan, you see Justin Verlander taking the mound, you figure their lineup is due to get some hits, and you reckon their time has come. You don’t expect to get routed to the tune of 13-2. Add the info that the team doing the routing, the Chicago White Sox, are a division rival, and it’s just rubbing salt in the wound. And like a bad traffic accident, we can’t look away. Let’s do some rubbernecking and see what some Tigers blogs have to say about this pile-up.

Eric Jackson of D-Town Baseball attended the game, but found it so embarrassing, he left early. “I don’t leave games early too often but I did tonight,” he writes. “It was cold and there just wasn’t a good game out on the field. Listening to the game on the ride home made me feel good about my decision.”

Bless You Boys offers a slightly different take on the sound of woe emanating from the Motor City (EEEEAAAAAK!) as Ian Casselberry asks his readers, “You don’t really want to read a recap of that game, do you? Because I sure as hell don’t feel like writing it.”

At Mack Avenue Tigers, a shell-shocked Kurt Mensching adds more lamentation (“MEHHHHHHH”) and writes: “The ‘greatest lineup in baseball’ averages 2.5 runs per game. The Tigers hit into five double plays. They stranded nine runners.” Yes, Virginia.

Over at Roar of the Tigers, Samara Pearlstein is deep in the denial stage. “What… was… that? Seriously: what did I just see on my TV? Was it baseball? I’m not entirely sure. It LOOKED like baseball, but I’m inclined to believe that it was simply a very detailed fake.”

“Time for chicken-bone cross,” confirms Mike McClary of the Daily Fungo.

And for the ultimate exercise in masochism, you can read a liveblog of the game at The Detroit Tigers Weblog. An abridged version:

8:15 – middle of 1: A 19 pitch inning. Not exactly the kind of efficiency you’re looking for. And Verlander can’t seem to keep his fastball down.

8:40 – I didn’t know it was possible to go 3-0 on Juan Uribe.

9:40 – Aaaarrrrghhhhhh.

So we’ve got “EEEEAAAAAK,” “MEHHHHHHH,” and now “Aaaarrrrghhhhhh.”

10:35 – Top of 9: Do you realize if it weren’t for White Sox errors and wild pitches this would be a shut out?

10:55 game mercifully over: Fitting that it ended on a double play. This blew.

What’s wrong with this team? Lee Panas of Tiger Tales has a sobering diagnosis:

Poor pitching (by their Ace Justin Verlander no less), poor hitting including five double plays, horrible fielding especially by Carlos Guillen….they are just awful in every phase of the game right now. I’m still very confident that this team is going to score a lot of runs this year but other than that I’m not sure what to expect. The pitching is filled with question marks and their infield defense looks much worse this year with the immobile Miguel Cabrera at third and Guillen struggling at first. Even Edgar Renteria, while an improvement over Guillen, is showing his lack of range at shortstop.

So let’s see—pitching, hitting, fielding….yep. That pretty much covers it.

Many blogs note this faintly quivering ray of hope: Curtis Granderson’s hand is sufficiently healed. He’ll resume baseball activities today and rejoin the lineup in about 10 days. Granderson’s return will add speed to a team that one scout called Jurassically slow without him.

But as for the popular idea that a road trip will clear their heads (and heat up their bats), I think Roar of the Tigers put it best:

Hilarious note for the upcoming series: the Tigers were just swept (a billion times, it seems) at home, and the Red Sox were just swept by the Blue Jays on the road (after having been on the road for a billion years, it seems). Everyone is talking about how much good it’ll do the Sox to get home. Everyone (or, OK, mostly Joe Morgan tonight) is talking about how it’ll do the Tigers some good to get on the road. Rock, meet Hard Place.

But Detroit Tigers fans weren’t the only ones to get hit hard in the kisser last night. Home plate umpire Jeff Kellogg took a fastball to the face (Fire Joe Morgan notes that AJ Pierzysnki “got crossed up and just missed it”). Kellogg was wearing a mic for the game, giving Jon Miller got the bright idea of airing the audio from the incident. The moment seems to encapsulate, in allegorical fashion, both Detroit’s 0-6 start (symbolized by Kellogg) and the baseball-watching world’s stunned reaction (embodied by Pierzynski):

(smack)

Pierzynski: Oh — my God.

Kellogg: (on the ground) Fuck.