Okay, just kidding. (Please, no anthrax letters to UmpBump HQ.)

Seriously, though, the injuries to my beloved Red Sox just keep adding up. Jason Varitek, Trot Nixon, Matt Clement, Tim Wakefield, Keith Foulke. And those are just the major guys currently out. Let’s not forget David Wells and Coco Crisp missing major time earlier this year. And Mike Timlin hasn’t been the same since coming off the DL in June. Now Mike Lowell is limping.

As if all that weren’t quite enough, Doug Mirabelli injured himself in the course of tonight’s game as well. New veteran (”new veteran”?) Javy Lopez replaced him mid-game. After Varitek’s meniscus tear, Mirabelli’s twisted ankle, Josh Bard’s raging case of fingerus butterificus, and Tim Wakefield terrifying John Flaherty into retirement, Javy might want to take out an insurance policy or buy some juju beads or something.

Then Curt Schilling really tried to send all of Red Sox Nation into cardiac arrest by trying to barehand a well-hit ball with his pitching hand.

Curt, we appreciate the effort, but let’s not have a sequel of the “bloody sock.” Sequels are never as good as the original.

Well, rumors have been swirling the last few days about a deal that would send Trot Nixon straight up to the Phillies for Bobby Abreu.

While I’m sure some Phillies fans would be ecstatic to see their team aquire another outfielder who will run face first into walls, I have to say, this would be a *GREAT* trade for the Red Sox - they would get a durable OBP machine in exchange for an injury prone “gamer” who still hasn’t figured out how to hit left-handed pitching (.227 average this year). And I think that Paul did an excellent job putting to rest the idea that Abreu is somehow not a clutch hitter in his comment on this post.

The irony is, Red Sox fans are nearly as in love with “gamers” like Trot as Phillies fans are, and would probably boo Abreu nearly as much. After all, Trot Nixon has somehow acquired that elusive status as a “True Red Sox” (Red Sock?), probably because he has crashed into a certain requisite number of walls in his career.