What could the world champion, richer-than-God New York Yankees possibly need? What do you get for the team that has (apparently) everything?

The question most Yankee-watchers have been asking is: Who’s in left? World Series MVP Hideki Matsui is a free agent, as is Johnny Damon. Neither player’s health inspires much confidence at this stage, though Damon’s legs have the edge over Matsui’s. Today, we learned that the Yankees may try to keep both players. This is surprising, and I’m inclined to suspect trickery — how can Yankees GM Brian Cashman and Red Sox GM Theo Epstein both be professing a strong desire to re-sign their own sub-optimal LF/DH types when there’s Matt Holliday on the market? Could it be because they don’t want to start the inevitable bidding war (Holliday is a Scott Boras client) just yet? Both the Sox and the Yanks need a left-fielder; both teams have plenty of cash; and Holliday is the best one on the market. Let the auction begin! (It’s worth noting that Austin Jackson, one of NY’s top prospects, is an outfielder; but they aren’t relying on him being ready to contribute next year.)

Yet although the Yankees’ outfield has gotten the most attention as the area that needs improvement, even more material to the team’s success next year is beefing up the starting pitching. Despite signing the best two starters on the market last winter, the Yankees actually looked a little thin in the rotation in 2009. As a staff, Yankee pitchers were worth 18.7 wins above replacement — 10th in the majors. The starters ranked 15th in the majors in win probability added, at -0.42, with a fielding independent pitching mark of 4.31, good for 11th in MLB. Somehow I think they had something a little more impressive in mind when they signed CC Sabathia and AJ Burnett (though naturally, I suspect they’re quite pleased with the WS trophy). Yes, Andy Pettitte is getting up there, but it seems to make sense for the Yankees to re-sign him at least as an insurance policy (that is, of course, if he doesn’t retire). The Yankees are also, again, placing faith in their home-grown arms.

However, I do think they need to add to the pitching staff. I see no reason why baseball’s richest team shouldn’t get in on the bidding on John Lackey, for starters, and they should also be looking at Erik Bedard and Rich Harden. Though all three of these pitchers experienced health issues this year — and Bedard may not be ready to go by Opening Day — the Yankees have the kind of cash that lets them recover easily from bad contracts. And when healthy, all three of these guys can throw.

Why should the Yankees make a push on pitching when their offense is so strong? Why does a team that can score more than 900 runs really need to invest even more in starting pitching? Answer: injuries. The Yankees were remarkably healthy this year, especially for a team that’s on the older side. In 2010, if some of their big bats go down, it sure would be nice if they had some strong arms to carry them back to October.

-What They Need index-

The Yankees are World Champions again, but it’s not the same this time. Evil Empire? I wish; at least “evil” is interesting.

Instead, what we have is the rise of the boring over the bad. Somehow, Yankeefication has become synonymous with boringification. Johnny Damon: went to the Yankees, became boring. Mark Teixeira: is boring, and thus is perfectly suited for the Yankees. Joba Chamberlain: has a mother who dealt meth. Yet somehow is boring anyway.

Even Alex Rodriguez is boring. You’d think a top slugger who dates starlets could at least manage to be mildly intriguing. And yet Kate Hudson was pretty boring to start with, and is now made even more boring by her association with A-Rod. The news that A-Rod has not one, but two, portraits of himself as a centaur? That should be, if not actually interesting, then perhaps titillating. (If you snoozed through Mythology 101, a centaur is a mythical beast that is half horse, half douchebag.) But it’s completely boring.

The Yankees aren’t even interesting in New York, where the Mets seem to have a lock on mental stimulation. The Mets may have failed spectacularly this year, but at least they failed in a way that engaged the frontal lobe. Sure, the Yankees won the World Series, but they won it dully: They essentially just scored a lot of runs. And yet, not enough runs so as to actually be remarkable.

And in fact, that’s in line with their one-note “strategy” for success over the 2009 regular season: just score a lot of runs. In the middle of the pack in pitching, defense, and baserunning, the Yankees ranked first in MLB in both on-base percentage and slugging percentage. And as the only team in MLB to score more than 900 runs this season, their games were interminably long even before Jorge Posada started making 4 trips to the mound per at-bat.

Most mind-numbing of all is the debate we’re sure to be inflicted with, post-Series, about the payroll disparity between the Yankees and the Rest. Yes, it’s pretty wearisome when a team wins just by buying the best talent available. But it will be even more tedious to rehash the same tired arguments about salary caps and payroll limits.

What would save the Yankees — and the free, baseball-loving world — from this state of ennui? A better Red Sox team in 2010. Let’s face it: the Yankees only manage to be exciting when they have a worthy foe.

Let’s hope that Theo pulls out all the stops to give the Boring Bombers a run for their (oodles and oodles of) money. Because right now, even hating the Yankees is boring.

Last night’s World Series contest between the Phillies and the Yankees featured five solo home runs — one apiece from Hideki Matsui, Nick Swisher, and Carlos Ruiz, and two for Jason Werth.

Is there anything in baseball more boring than a solo home run? I mean, sure, it can be pretty darn interesting in the right context, like if it’s a walk-off solo home run or something. Or if it kills a seagull mid-air. But to me, a game with five solo homers tells you a) that the pitchers are throwing strikes and generally keeping runners off the bases and b) that they’re still not really pitching well enough to make the game interesting as a pitchers duel. For these reasons, I consider that a game with five solo shots has to be one of the most boringest kinds of games to watch.

Unless you were a Yankee fan, the most interesting parts of last night’s game were a) the appeal on A-Rod’s homer in the 4th (a two-run homer, let’s note) and when Jimmy Rollins tore up the basepaths in the 2nd, stealing second off of Andy Pettitte and swiping third (he then had to go back to second after Chase Utley fouled off the pitch). That’s about it.

Yes, the game was close enough to maintain suspense until the late innings. But I hope that tonight’s game offers something a little more interesting than the sight of one ballplayer trotting around the bases…five different times.

So here’s the deal: Today the New York Post Daily News ran this gossip item and I know it’s last minute, but it’s Halloween and if nobody shows up to Citizen’s Bank Park dressed as half-A-Rod-half-horse, then we Phillies fans have dropped the ball.

Honestly, if anybody else commissioned a portrait of himself as a centaur, I’d say, “that guy is awesome. I want to have a beer with him and vote for him for president.” But we all know A-Rod has no sense of humor. So this is just kind of…weird. Still funny, but I’m pretty sure I’m laughing at him and not with him.

Today the New York Times has a story about all the bitter Mets fans who can’t decide who to root for (or against) in the World Series.

Mets fans, let me make it easy for you. (Don’t worry, I won’t use any big words.)

The unfortunate reality for everybody in America who isn’t a fan of the Phillies or Yankees is that no matter who wins, you all lose.

One of the two fanbases is about to get insufferably obnoxious. You thought Boston was bad after the Sox won their 2007 World Series? You ain’t seen nothing yet.

It’ll take the Yankees fans about five minutes to go back to being every bit as insufferable as they were in the late nineties, when winning was their birthright. There is no chance — none — that nearly a decade of playoff stumbles has humbled this bunch. They do arrogance like Bob Ross did puffy clouds.

When the Phillies won their World Series last year, we Phils fans viewed it as nothing short of a miracle. We didn’t boast too much, because we understood that whoever or whatever higher power is in charge of dolling out karma clearly fell asleep at the wheel and we got lucky. But this year, if the Phils beat the Yankees there will be one inescapable conclusion: our team really is this good. And we’ll make sure you’re reminded of it often.

Like I said, either way one group of fans will get a much unneeded ego boost.

So who to root for? Simple. There are a lot more Yankees fans than Phillies fans. A lot more. If you want to minimize the level of obnoxiousness in America, the Phillies should be your choice to win the series.

Sure, there are other reasons to root for the Phils. A Phillies victory would further chip away at the notion that the AL reigns supreme. And it’s always nice to remind the Yankees that money can’t buy happiness. And wouldn’t you just love to see a close up of Kate Hudson consolling her man as he cries into her surpemely toned shoulder?

But really, it all comes down to minimizing assholishness. That’s what a Phillies victory would do.

Derek Jeter’s career on-base percentage: .387
Lou Gehrig’s career on-base percentage: .447

Derek Jeter’s career total times on base: 3736
Lou Gehrig’s career total times on base: 4274

Jeter has a ways to go.

Last year we brought you the news that Yankees slugger Hideki Matsui had secredly wed a 25-year-old office worker from Japan. However, at the time, Matsui refused to divulge her name, and no pictures of her were available, other than Matsui’s rather amateurish hand-drawn depiction of his beloved.

However, in the year and a half since that time, Japanese fans have been diligently at work, scouring video clips for any evidence that Matsui’s purported wife actually exists.

So far, they have come up with two photographs, which Japanese websites agree are almost certainly of Matsui’s wife. Have a look and see what you think…

(pictures after the jump…)

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A few days ago, I received my copy of the most recent ESPN The Magazine in the mail and read the article written by Tim Keown describing the current mindset in Arlington in regards to pushing their pitchers physically beyond the comfort levels of the average Major League franchise.

The article is worth reading in its entirety, but in a nutshell Keown surmises that by not coddling their arms with restrictive pitch counts and pushing stronger cardio and long-toss work in the hot Texas sun, the Rangers, led by team President Nolan Ryan’s imposed regimen, have turned around a staff who have for years been considered among the worst in baseball.

But this post is not about the Rangers, and I am only mentioning them because of what the Yankees are currently doing with Joba Chamberlain. By now, I’m sure most of you are aware of the phrase “Joba Rules”, referring to the annual innings limits that the club imposes upon their potential future ace. It is thought that if you allow a young pitcher to increase his workload dramatically from year to year, the risk of future injuries escalates. And in today’s baseball world where the enormous value of quality talent making the league minimum is well understood (yes, even by the Yankees), no one wants to be the guy who ruined a promising career – or, more accurately, several seasons of cheap yet dominant performances.

In 2008, the Yanks limited Chamberlain to 100 innings, and this year, it was already up to 130 prior to his start on Sunday. So what did the Yankees do? Oh, just your average “pull your starter after 35 pitches” routine. That’s right. The Yankees had Joba on a 35-pitch limit, which was enough for three innings (surprisingly). Me thinks they overreact.

It’s certainly understandable that teams want to protect their assets to the best of their abilities. And with the Yankees as mortal locks for the playoffs, they can experiment with this without real repercussions in the standings. However, is this really the best solution?

The most drastic scenario that I hope wasn’t even considered for more than two seconds is to have shut down Joba for the rest of the regular season. The Yankees could obviously use Chamberlain in the rotation come playoff time, and simply shelving him for the next month could very well leave him unprepared for that. Another potential route was the one we initially thought the club would take, which was to give Joba a longer period of rest in between starts than normal. But they scrapped that idea as well and simply decided to start him on normal rest albeit with the stipulation of the 35-pitch count. I suppose that with the rosters expanding in September, that finding relievers to come in after Joba maxes out isn’t much of an issue at the moment (the Yankees now have 15 pitchers in the bigs). But why are they reinventing the wheel?

The most traditionally sensible thing to do was of course simply put him into the bullpen until the playoffs. There really aren’t many truly “high-leverage” situations that the Yanks should be facing with such a cushy lead, but at least the guy could get his work in when he was needed.

So why was this option nixed? This is pure speculation on my part, but I wonder if no one in that front office wanted to deal with the worst (okay, maybe not) case scenario – what if he was great in that role? The “should Joba be a starter or reliever” debate should never have even happened (200 innings vs. 70 innings. Which workload do you prefer your best pitchers handling?) but ridiculously, it still is happening in the papers and on talk radio. Perhaps the Yankees simply didn’t want to add fuel to those ridiculous flames. Or, less conspiratorially,  it was simply a case of being able to guarantee Joba routine work. But that’s no fun, is it?

In the end, there really is no easy answer. But I do know this – a month ago, I thought that capping annual innings for young pitchers wasn’t a bad idea. But actually seeing it in practice in such a severe form as this is making me seriously consider the alternatives. Maybe there is something to what Nolan Ryan is preaching. Maybe clubs are coddling their young arms too much which in turn makes them less capable of handling the workload necessary to be the best players possible. At the very least, it is safe to say that there is no such thing as a fail-proof plan. Each pitcher is different and some can handle the workload while others can’t.

So the true question is, how do you know which is which? For the Rangers, you push them to see who doesn’t break. For the Yankees, you impose a gradual process that may never test their limits. I suggest that we all keep a close eye on what’s going on in Texas. If their young pitchers are still effective and healthy in a few years, we may see this approach take hold around the league.

Or maybe expecting every pitcher to emulate the work habits of a legendary fireballer who, despite pitching over 5300 innings over his 27 year career, was still able to throw a 95-mph fastball in his mid-forties, is just bat-shit insane.