The Flying Hawaiian

You may remember that Jesse Jackson’s Rainbow-PUSH coalition complained recently about a lack of African-American ballplayers. Jackson probably has a point, but don’t think for a second that the MLB is lacking in diversity.

Take for example the Phillies Shane Victorino. He’s from Hawaii, which while technically a state I think we can all agree is far enough away both geographically and culturally to qualify him as kinda weird.

The Phillies think it’s super neat that Victorino is from Hawaii and to celebrate his heritage they’re giving away Shane Victorino hula figurines to fans 14 and under who attend the Phils’ game against the Giants on June 3. The figurines feature Victorino “in the traditional hula pose.” He will be “posed in shorts, bare feet, grass skirt, Hawaiian lei, holding a ukulele and flashing the “shaka” (or hang loose) sign.”

For those of you not familiar with the ABCs of Hawaiian culture, here’s a refresher. The shaka is used by Hawaiians to mean “all right”, “cool”, or “smooth”. Outside of Hawaii, people often interpret it to mean “hang loose.” It should not be confused with the near identical “call me” sign, or the similar sounding “shocker“, which means something totally different.

If you’re wondering what in the world you’re going to do with a Shane Vitorino hula figurine, don’t fret. The Phillies organization is practical above all else (David Bell’s contract aside). That’s why they’ve made sure that the base of each figurine “includes a ’sticky’ for fans to attach to the dashboard of a car.”

There are no words to describe just how badly I want one of those figurines. Members of the Phillies organization, if you are reading this, I’m begging you: please send me a Shane Victorino hula figurine. I never had a problem with my dashboard until I heard about the Victorino ornament. Now I see just how naked and lacking my dashboard really is.