The ugliest unis in the game today…we report, you decide.
The baseball uniform is something of a curiosity. I think we can all agree that baseball did the world a favor by bringing us the baseball cap. But in what other sport are players required to wear a thick belt, tapered white stretch pants, a glorified pajama top, and stirrups?!
Nonetheless, some baseball uniforms are funnier-looking than others. For years, this has been especially true of expansion teams. However, with Tampa Bay’s announcement that they will be changing their uniforms, colors, and logo as well as their name (are they even still a baseball team?), they join the Diamondbacks as reformed expansion teams that have at last forgone the teal-and-purple days of yore. While Arizona returned to the playoffs this year in their new unis, which sported Sedona Red and Sonora Sand colorations, the Rays hope for similar magic with their new, water-and-sunshine themed garments:
According to the press release, “The two hues of blue suggest the deep blue waters and bright blue sky for which Florida is known. The elongated tail of the “R” further reinforces the water imagery.” A bright yellow sunburst emanating from the “R” will “invoke the magnificence of life in the Sunshine State.”
“Our new team name and new look express the vibrancy of our organization,” said Rays President Matt Silverman. “The Tampa Bay Rays will shine, on the field and in our community. We will be a great source of pride for our region.”
One ugly uni down, so many more to go. Which teams do not shine? Which uniforms do not express vibrancy? Which are not dressed in a manner that invokes the magnificence of life?
That, UmpBump readers, is for you to decide. The contendahs:
First, we’ll start with the last remaining expansion team to use purple: the Colorado Rockies. This fall, the nation got to see just how hideous their uniforms truly are:
It’s like they couldn’t decide on one concept (pinstripes? basic black? expansion team purple?) so they just randomly mashed them together. Pintripes! Piping! Purple pit-stain concealers! Sartorial ADHD!Plus, I just don’t think it looks quite right on a baseball uniform to have the number on the front. Come on, folks. This isn’t football.
The Toronto Blue Jays seem to think they are playing baseball in the future, with these space-age fonts. In addition, the color scheme is about as cheerful as a rainy day at a funeral parlor in Toronto. That is to say, not very.
Plus, there is just no way to jazz up a songbird and make it look intimidating, sleek, or otherwise “cool.” Thus, when going with a bird mascot, it’s best to just represent the bird literally and embrace the dorky Audobon Society-feel of it all.
The Texas Rangers have also undergone some uni changes in recent years. And while I’m not opposed to the idea of the vest uniform, in theory, I just feel like something here isn’t working:
The blue is too blue. There’s a number on the front of the vest, and the font of said number totally clashes with the font of the giant “T.” And worst of all, the team name appears nowhere on the ensemble, leaving the impression that this team (whoever they are) has been brought to you by the Letter T.
Finally, I have never liked the Marlins’ attire. Black looks good with some colors (such as orange…here’s lookin’ at you, Baltimore, Detroit!) but it just looks dated with paired with …seafoam? Plus, the ginormous, stylized swoosh on the jersey looks like something I would have thought was wicked awesome back at the Nashoba Brooks school for girls.
And if you’re going to do pinstripes, the rest of the uni has to be clean. Simple. Elegant. Not cluttered with numbers, piping, underlining, frontal uniform numbers, and a freakin’ fish.
March 7th, 2008 at 1:20 pm
seattle mariners! ugh! the hat color tends to purple which doesn’t match anything else on the uniform and clashes with the predominant blue.
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March 7th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
What’s curious, iceless, is that all Seattle teams seem to rely heavily on green. Is this because of Starbucks’ stranglehold on the city? Inquiring minds want to know…
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March 7th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
For some reason, I really dislike the Astros home pinstripe unis. I think it’s because the script font is outlined, which makes all the lines kind of blur together and renders the whole thing sort of dizzying. I also don’t really like their color combinations.
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March 7th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Tommy, I’m with you. However, I do think the ‘Stros have lovely whites (even taking the frontal number into account) and I simply adore the deep blood red of their crimson jerseys. It’ so much better than the bright red the Angels or the Reds employ. Plus, the star logo is “hott.”
But that all those nice variations just make me wonder even more why Houston even felt like they needed that ugly pinstripe option. (To sell more replica jerseys, no doubt.)
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March 7th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
The Astros primary home uniform looks like a bad set of pajamas. The color combination is ugly. The pinstripes are too big. The lettering looks strange. And I didn’t think it was possible for black to be ugly, but the black of those unis makes the black of the Rockies look elegant.
That said, I do like the home alternate jerseys. Clean and simple with a nice a shade of red.
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March 7th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
sarah, the state color is green. the motto is ‘the evergreen state’. (obviously named in the middle of summer - NOT in the 10 months that it’s gray). it might come from that. not sure where the seagulls (seahawks) get off on the neon green though.
check out the mariners next time you see them. the hats just don’t match the shirts. bizarre.
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March 7th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
But iceless, do the SHOES match the BAG?
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March 7th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Mets home unis = awesome
Mets away unis = terrible
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March 9th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
The Twins away uniforms are the worst in baseball. Grey with blue pinstripes just doesn’t do it…
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March 10th, 2008 at 11:52 am
Iceless, Washington is green year ’round because it’s filled with conifers, aka evergreens. And the M’s hat is the same blue as the Yanks, Sox, and Tigers. Their uni is one of the best.
Best uni - Tiger’s home.
Worst - freakin’ Padres, primarily because it’s not brown. Replace the blue with monk-brown and they’d have a unique identity again. (just don’t go back to brown and yellow)
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March 10th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Johnny, the Tigers home uni does have to be one of the best. Maybe now that I’ve thoroughly ripped the losers in the uni-wars, I’ll laud the winners. Though that will probably be less amusing.
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March 10th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Sarah,
Looking at the best designs would be cool, especially if you point out the details. Check it out on the Tigers’ home uni - the cap and the shirt D are different, but they are both good clean designs variants of an olde english D. That’s odd but very cool. Now look at the interlocking NY on the Yanks home uni - the hat NY is sharp, but the shirt NY is UGG-LY, with a way-too-wide Y.
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April 17th, 2008 at 10:43 am
The Padres have the worst uniform of any sports team on the face of the planet. Camouflage and baseball, wait, camouflage and anything other than military do not mix!
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April 17th, 2008 at 10:59 am
But that’s a specialty uni, not their regular uni! I feel like specialty unis deserve their own post….watch this space.
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April 17th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Agreed that specialties need their own space…but the “traditionals” need comment…how about the terrible choice Toronto made with their new ‘T” logo acouple years ago…it looks just like the old Tampa Bay logo. Round and round we go. Either leave it alone or get some originality please.
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April 21st, 2008 at 10:18 am
um, no mention of the Blue Jays pajamas? It reminds me of Mitch Kramer’s baseball uni in Dazed and Confused (and I did try to get a photo of said uni, to no avail)
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April 25th, 2008 at 11:07 am
the old D-backs Uniforms sucked. Prety in Purple
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April 25th, 2008 at 11:08 am
Who could forget the shorts the White Socks had in the 70’s
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April 25th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Shoe, these are current unis. For old unis, click here.
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May 17th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Great article, Sarah.
The biggest uni problem I have in baseball is with the vest things. Great on the NBA court, but I do not like it on the baseball field. Just looks weird. Ugh!!!!
I like the colours of the new D-Backs, I love the black unis that my Mets wear and totally agree with Nate and his hatred of the Twins away unis. Not good
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May 18th, 2008 at 11:28 pm
I think we can all agree that the St. Louis Cardinals are pretty much the gold standard clean design, heritage and class. No colored alternates, no vests, just classic road grays and home whites. And those birds on the bat are basically unchaged for more than 100 years.
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May 22nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
The ugliest uni’s far and away: The Padres
The orange and blue was somewhat classy?
Now these ugly faded grey and blue make them look like a beer league team. Doesn’t help the image when you are 10 games under .500.
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June 22nd, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Best uniform- Phillies (love the Sunday outfits!)
Worst- Padres. Period
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