Wrenching.

The Sox/Indians ALCS Game 2 just went from extra-innings-edge-of-your-seat tense to offensive-free-for-all (well, for the Indians anyway—from the Sox side, it was utter-bullpen-suckage). Too despondent (or maybe just too tired after this preposterously long game) to actually write anything, reproduced below is part of my end-of-game g-chat with Nick:

[Ed. Note: Trot Nixon sends a bloop into shallow center, scoring the go-ahead run in the top of the 11th]

Nick: well, that pitching change didn’t work out!

And to think, Trot was a career .214 batter vs. lefties…

me: I can’t believe Lopez is sucking this much

of course, it was Gagne who let all those runners on…

Nick: I can. Lopez was always pretty sucky

I still don’t know why the Red Sox love him so much

me: but he is the loogy!

Nick: yeah, he’s a “lefty specialist” who actually allows a HIGHER batting average to lefties!

feeding him to Trot was a stupid idea

me: yeah I was surprised, I thought they would let Gagne face Trot

then bring in Lopez to face Victor Martinez if necessary

Nick: yeah, I guess they really don’t have faith in Gagne!

me: and then just throw Lester out there for the rest of it…

wait, where is Kyle Snyder???

Nick: Snyder’s not on the roster

me: no Snyder

no Tavarez

poop

Leave Gagne off the World Series roster, dude

I would rather have Tavarez frankly

Nick: I still think the Sox should have kept JC Romero and dumped Lopez when they had that roster crunch…

Romero actually had the lower ERA at the time, and performed well for the Phillies down the stretch

[Ed. Note: Indians continue to score an appalling number of runs]

Nick: Well, the wheels are all off now

me: the wheels?

there are no wheels!!

Nick: yup

me: the wheels are gone

goodbye wheels!

Nick: they’ve all gone rolling away into the autumn grass

Nick: oh look, the Sox have Crisp, Lugo, and THE MIGHTY ALEX CORA up next inning…

[Ed. Note: Indians cap big inning with a three-run homer.]

me: OH MY GOD

THIS IS RETARDED

THE WHEELS ARE NOT ONLY GONE

THE ENTIRE CAR IS GONE

Nick: um, pretty much

me: THE ROAD IS GONE

I AM IN A MEANINGLESS, FEATURELESS VOID

why is the TV still on?

I could turn it off if I wanted to

I could spare mself

Nick: I dunno, because you are a true fan?

me: no

because I am a SOX fan

and anguish is just part of the deal

Nick: it’s true, Sox fans never surrender

they will defend the beaches of Red Sox nation with bamboo spears if necessary

Just like the Japanese were going to do if America invaded in WWII

me: It’s a plot!

Eric Gagne is a mole!

Nick: A CANADIAN MOLE!

PART OF CANADA’S PLOT TO DEFEAT RED SOX NATION AND ANNEX NEW ENGLAND!

me: And Terry Francona played right into their hands!

Would you have trusted Gagne in that situation?

Nick: no

I would have brought in Lester to start that inning

me: no I would have saved Lester!

because he’s a starter and he could go for a long time

Nick: I bet Lester would have been fine if he could have come in with the bases empty to start an inning

basically, I would never pitch Gagne or Lopez in any playoff inning

If Theo gave me that roster, I would just say fuck it and pitch Lester til he drops

but no Gagne and no Lopez

not in the playoffs

me: I admire your cojones

Nick: Besides, I could always bring in Wakefield for endless fatigue-free knuckleball innings if I really had to

me: that’s true!

mmmmm knuckleball

Nick: sweet, dancing butterfly!

[Ed. Note: Sox are up to bat again in the bottom of the inning. It doesn't look good.]

me: oh look, Varitek strikes out

what a surprise

[Ed. Note: Sox CF Coco Crisp singles, joining J.D. Drew on the basepaths. There's only one out! We could still do it! David Ortiz could hit an 8-run homer!]

me: Crisp keeps my tattered hopes alive!

Nick: A BASE HIT!

Now the Sox just need 6 more of those in a row, with the last one being a grand slam

me: yeah!

[Ed. Note: Lugo grounds feebly into a double play to end the game.]

oh goddamn.

fucking Lugo

Nick: wait, why is Lugo even on this team again?

me: THEO

Nick, your task is clear:

Nick: I should work my way up the ladder to replace Theo Epstein as GM of the Red Sox?

me: that also

but for now

make a new word in Scrabulous.